Editor\u2019s note: This article is a humor column.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s official \u2014 trees all around Grounds are completely, utterly and totally barren. At this point in November, once it becomes too frigid to frequent outdoor study spots and McCormick Road becomes a sea of black puffer jackets, everyone knows what’s coming \u2014 seasonal depression. At the University, seasonal depression is particularly nefarious. Because fall in Charlottesville is a kind, warm embrace, you are completely unaware of the kick in the nuts that winter brings with finals and nasty weather. With that in mind, here are five tips to stay joyous amid the oncoming Horrors.<\/p>\n
1. Stay in your room all the time with the blinds closed<\/p>\n
You may already be doing this, but here’s a fun boost! Ideally, hide in your blankets, watch 40-plus-minute YouTube video essays<\/a> about the detrimental effects of screen time and exclusively eat Twisted Tortilla cheese quesadillas \u2014 no MATTER how much they make your stomach hurt. Attend a few Zoom lectures here and there, and protect your peace by pretending you can\u2019t hear when your professor calls on you. Occasionally jump up from your inanimate pile of blankets and scare your roommate half to death, and that\u2019ll be all the excitement you need for the rest of the school year.\u00a0<\/p>\n Results are not guaranteed in the slightest, but, as an added bonus, your roommate might slowly develop their own seasonal depression just from living with you!<\/p>\n 2. Get really into betting on the Virginia men\u2019s varsity squash team<\/p>\n Sometimes, a good hobby can help distract you from the fact that it\u2019s freezing cold outside, the sun goes down at about 3 p.m. every day, and your best friend just got carried away by a particularly evil wind gust, never to be seen again. A quality pastime is obviously sports betting, but a fun and fresh take on this beloved \u2014 and not at all harmful \u2014 hobby is betting on your own school\u2019s teams, and the squash team<\/a> isn\u2019t one to miss. And yes, the University does have a squash team \u2014 and if you didn\u2019t know that, it\u2019s safe to say many betters don\u2019t either.\u00a0<\/p>\n Learn all the players\u2019 names and try really hard to befriend them to gain insider insight \u2014 creep on ALL of their matches. Bet purely on emotion and general vibes. Roll a dice and use that number to bet on the number of double bounces. Sob in devastation when your parlay doesn\u2019t hit. Soon, you\u2019ll be so entrenched in the team that you\u2019ll forget what you were sad about in the first place \u2014 and you may have to drop out of college to pay off your gambling debts.<\/p>\n 3. Leave the University and study abroad in Rjukan, Norway<\/p>\n In attempts to diversify student experience, the University\u2019s Education Abroad Office has capitalized on the opportunity to offer programs in unique locations that are overly niche and difficult to locate on a map. Rjukan does not get any direct sunlight<\/a> between September and March. This means it\u2019s the perfect winter getaway for someone struggling with seasonal depression.\u00a0<\/p>\n One of the most difficult aspects of the wintertime to grapple with is how little the sun is out during the day \u2014 a great solution is to be somewhere where there\u2019s none at all. You can\u2019t miss what\u2019s never there. The program boasts improvements in mental health and a single three-credit class in religious studies, for some reason. What solves seasonal depression more than religious studies and a complete lack of sun?<\/p>\n 4. Attempt to hibernate until Foxfield<\/p>\n