{"id":336005,"date":"2025-12-08T00:29:08","date_gmt":"2025-12-08T00:29:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/336005\/"},"modified":"2025-12-08T00:29:08","modified_gmt":"2025-12-08T00:29:08","slug":"a-drunk-raccoon-tries-to-hook-up-with-colin-jost-and-eat-poop-in-unhinged-weekend-update","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/336005\/","title":{"rendered":"A Drunk Raccoon Tries to Hook Up With Colin Jost and Eat Poop in Unhinged \u2018Weekend Update\u2019"},"content":{"rendered":"<p class=\"mb-4 text-lg md:leading-8 break-words\">In a \u201cWeekend Update\u201d that featured jokes about Donald Trump and Jeffrey Epstein, a sunburned vacationer played by cast member Ben Marshall and how Netflix will jack up its prices to $50 million in order to buy Warner Bros., Sarah Sherman stole the show playing the drunk raccoon that (actually!) got <a href=\"https:\/\/www.washingtonpost.com\/dc-md-va\/2025\/12\/03\/drunk-raccoon-virginia-liquor-store\/\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\" data-ylk=\"slk:wasted in a Virigina liquor store;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas\" class=\"link \">wasted in a Virigina liquor store<\/a> this week, and passed out in the bathroom.<\/p>\n<p class=\"mb-4 text-lg md:leading-8 break-words\">\u201cHere to explain their actions is that drunk raccoon,\u201d said Colin Jost.<\/p>\n<p class=\"mb-4 text-lg md:leading-8 break-words\">More from Variety<\/p>\n<p class=\"mb-4 text-lg md:leading-8 break-words\">Coming on to Jost, while writhing around the Update desk, the raccoon complained that it doesn\u2019t have any privacy, as Jost said she has a \u201cserious drinking problem.\u201d She countered that the \u201cproblem being I can\u2019t get drunk in a bathroom without people taking pictures of me face down, ass up!\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"mb-4 text-lg md:leading-8 break-words\">When Jost asked her whether Bradley Cooper\u2019s portrayal of Rocket Raccoon in Marvel\u2019s \u201cGuardians of the Galaxy\u201d movies is considered a positive representation of raccoons, she said, \u201cI wouldn\u2019t know, I haven\u2019t seen it \u2014\u00a0I\u2019m not a virgin.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"mb-4 text-lg md:leading-8 break-words\">After saying she was starving and asking to DoorDash something, she said, \u201cYou know what\u2019s actually good that you wouldn\u2019t think is good? Poop!\u201d When Jost seemed grossed out, she said, \u201cQuiet, piggy.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"mb-4 text-lg md:leading-8 break-words\">Jost then told her he thought raccoons ate only trash, and she said, \u201cWe hear what you call us. Trash pandas. Dumpster dogs. The Sarah Shermans of the forest.\u201d To which Jost responded, \u201cYou\u2019re not nearly as hairy as Sarah Sherman.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"mb-4 text-lg md:leading-8 break-words\">Jost said she just hoped she got the help she needs for her drinking problem, and that he hoped she didn\u2019t give him rabies. \u201cRabies is the last thing you need to worry about getting from me,\u201d the raccoon said to Jost.<\/p>\n<p class=\"mb-4 text-lg md:leading-8 break-words\">Best of Variety<\/p>\n<p class=\"mb-4 text-lg md:leading-8 break-words\">Sign up for <a href=\"https:\/\/cloud.email.variety.com\/signup\/\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\" data-ylk=\"slk:Variety&#039;s Newsletter;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas\" class=\"link \">Variety&#8217;s Newsletter<\/a>. For the latest news, follow us on <a href=\"http:\/\/bit.ly\/31XsHSx\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\" data-ylk=\"slk:Facebook;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas\" class=\"link \">Facebook<\/a>, <a href=\"http:\/\/bit.ly\/2TkcoeG\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\" data-ylk=\"slk:Twitter;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas\" class=\"link \">Twitter<\/a>, and <a href=\"http:\/\/bit.ly\/2TntOHq\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\" data-ylk=\"slk:Instagram;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas\" class=\"link \">Instagram<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"In a \u201cWeekend Update\u201d that featured jokes about Donald Trump and Jeffrey Epstein, a sunburned vacationer played by&hellip;\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":336006,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[51],"tags":[81656,4111,12,169633,166346,14825,169632,79,40239,201],"class_list":["post-336005","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-wildlife","tag-ben-marshall","tag-colin-jost","tag-donald-trump","tag-drinking-problem","tag-drunk-raccoon","tag-jeffrey-epstein","tag-sarah-sherman","tag-science","tag-weekend-update","tag-wildlife"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/336005","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=336005"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/336005\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/336006"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=336005"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=336005"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=336005"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}