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Southern Charm<\/a><\/p>\n A Moveable Beast<\/p>\n \n Season 11<\/p>\n Episode 4\n <\/p>\n \n Editor\u2019s Rating<\/p>\n 3 stars<\/p>\n ***\n <\/p>\n \n The way Craig brings up a baseless rumor in the middle of a fight with Austen is a perfect example of his erratic behavior since the big breakup. It must be tough being Craig Conover, being that handsome and yet that consistently wrong. Just look at this non-fight with Austen that Craig turns into a big deal by handling the situation as deftly as a blindfolded juggler with vertigo. Craig initially got mad that Austen was making cracks about him hanging out in the hot tub, drinking with girls. He starts with telling Austen that it\u2019s silly to be against fun. He is entirely correct. Then he says that Austen is just jealous that Craig is single and he\u2019s not because he might be unhappy in his relationship, which is also correct. Then he says, \u201cAusten, keep running your mouth and Shep is going to say something that\u2019s going to ruin your life.\u201d Okay, now you\u2019re wrong, now you\u2019re entirely wrong!<\/p>\n His first incorrect assumption is that if Austen keeps talking, Shep is going to step in and defend Craig, but Craig doesn\u2019t need defending, and he is the one who turned Austen being a bit of a dick into this whole fight that is going to ruin Whitner\u2019s birthday party. His second incorrect assumption is that Shep knows something that will ruin Austen\u2019s life, which I don\u2019t think he really does. This is why the cast keeps talking about how they\u2019re afraid of Craig and how unpredictable he is. It\u2019s the escalation from nothing to scorched earth. Madison points out that over the past several years, when he was with Paige and drinking less, he was focused on his business, being successful, and getting along with his friends. Since the breakup, he\u2019s back to drinking and, well, cue the old footage of Craig being an asshole for no reason!<\/p>\n Craig and Austen go inside to continue their fight, and Shep tells the table what Craig is talking about. Apparently, when Shep was in New York a few weeks ago, some women in a bar approached him and told him that their friend was talking to Austen. Shep brought this up to Craig to ask if he should even concern Austen about it, and Craig said \u201cno,\u201d to preserve Austen\u2019s peace. I think that is the right play. Can these random strangers in a bar, whose friend very well could be lying to them, be trusted? No. Craig knows this. However, as soon as he was a little peeved at Austen, he brought it up. Sure, he doesn\u2019t exactly spill or reveal what was said, but he does mention it at a group event in front of cameras and then forces Shep to bring it up when they both decided that it wasn\u2019t worth it.<\/p>\n Dude, that\u2019s wrong! Not only is it then giving credence to something that is no more than a rumor, something that Craig already dismissed as a made-up attack on his reputation, but it\u2019s also putting Shep and Austen\u2019s relationship in jeopardy because now Austen is mad at Shep for talking to Craig about his relationship. Now, I know there would be no show without these guys talking shit behind one another\u2019s backs all the time, but fair is fair, and when they both decided not to bring it up, they should have left it there.<\/p>\n Inside, Craig and Austen\u2019s fight gets deeper with Craig saying he\u2019s upset with Austen for saying he\u2019s afraid of him. Then he calls it a lie, saying that Austen isn\u2019t afraid of him. Then he asks him, \u201cAre you afraid of me?\u201d while yelling and displaying the exact behavior that, yes, Austen is afraid of. This is what drives me crazy about Craig. He says that Austen is lying and not scared of him, but then later he tells Salley, \u201cI\u2019m not going to be gaslit into thinking I did something wrong.\u201d Craig is the epitome of believing feelings over facts. If he feels Austen isn\u2019t afraid of him, then that is a fact. If he feels he did nothing wrong, then he did nothing wrong, and any attempt to convince him otherwise is \u201cgaslighting,\u201d the incurable gonorrhea of words.<\/p>\n The problem is that Craig is wrong. He brought up something he and Shep decided wasn\u2019t worth mentioning in front of both a group of people and the cameras. That makes sure it\u2019s going to be discussed even though he\u2019s still hiding behind not being the one who said it, like an idiot standing in a hurricane with a bodega umbrella. He even says, \u201cI tried my best not to get involved.\u201d Dude! You brought it up! There would be nothing if not for you! If people tell him that raising the issue is wrong and he should apologize to Austen, as multiple people suggest, that is not \u201cgaslighting,\u201d that is having a different opinion (and the correct one). That is being a good friend and telling Craig he was out of bounds. That is defending truth, decency, humanity, democracy, net neutrality, and the $5 foot-long.<\/p>\n When Craig talks about gaslighting to Salley, she and her extra e tell him how great he is and how he\u2019s really just misunderstood. But is he? Is he great? This is so Salley, to drop everything and agree with a man just so that she\u2019ll pick her, choose her. There is one person who has Salley\u2019s number and that is our beloved Molly. As the fight was raging inside, Salley said she was telling Craig to apologize; she wasn\u2019t just over there flirting. Molly says it looks like she was flirting, and Salley then tells Molly to hush up because she knows Molly has been talking about her. Salley said she was talking facts about Molly behaving inappropriately at Madison\u2019s shower, but Molly was making things up about Salley calling dibs on every man in Charleston.<\/p>\n This is where the fight gets exciting. Salley asks who she has been calling dibs on. Then Venita, who is her best friend, mind you, grabs the muggle sitting next to her and starts pawing at him, doing a Salley impersonation and saying, \u201cCraig! Craig! Craig! Craig!\u201d Molly then calls Salley out on telling Charley not to talk to Craig, which she says she didn\u2019t say. Then both Venita and Rodrigo, my favorite cat dad, tell her that, yes, she did say that and the footage proves it. I love that Salley is trying to change the story, trying to convince us she didn\u2019t do something, and even her friends are like, \u201cNo, you are that bitch. Own it.\u201d Salley, like any Englishman on any beach anywhere in the world, is burnt.<\/p>\n The day after the fight, we find out that Salley and Charley kept Craig company in his hot tub until 4 a.m., but that nothing happened. Salley thinks it\u2019s weird that Craig didn\u2019t make a move. He says in a confessional that when he\u2019s after a girl, he likes to play a long game. Then he has Charley come over with a bunch of art that looks like it was lifted from the conference rooms of airport Best Westerns. Oh, Charley is totally winning. It seems like Craig is way more into her than into Salley. However, if I were to predict what is going to happen, I would say that Salley is going to make a move on Craig, they\u2019re going to bone, and that is how Salley is going to \u201cwin.\u201d Then Craig will end up pursuing Charley, and Salley will get all bent out of shape. I\u2019m telling you, I have read the tea leaves (i.e., the remnants of Jell-O shots at the bottom of Craig\u2019s hot tub).<\/p>\n Also, after the party, we get a nice scene with Madison and her son Hudson, where she talks about waiting for the new baby and her changing relationship with her son. Then we get a glimpse into Whitner\u2019s life and, well, it\u2019s giving viral morning routine with Saratoga Springs water<\/a> vibes. He gets up at precisely 4:35 a.m., takes the dog out, runs and exercises for a few hours (and, damn, son, it\u2019s working!), and then he is at work at 8 a.m., working as a lawyer and calling his adorable mother. If I wasn\u2019t fully in lust with our man before, well, I am now, Patrick Bateman cosplay or no.<\/p>\n The episode ends with the boys talking to their confidantes about what they should do about the fight. Charley tells Craig that he should apologize, and he agrees, but he doesn\u2019t. Shep tells Molly that he told Craig about the rumor he heard without ill intent, but that Craig brought it up at the party with ill intent. Austen is still more likely to forgive Craig first because that\u2019s the weird relationship they have.<\/p>\n Finally, Austen has Rodrigo come over with his two new kittens, who were part of a litter from Rodrigo\u2019s cat. One is named Martini and the other is named Piper, just so that in a full-circle Southern Charm moment<\/a>, Austen can shout, \u201cPiper, noooooo<\/a>!\u201d at the cat like Parker Posey<\/a> in The White Lotus<\/a>. As he\u2019s talking about Shep and Craig both talking about him behind his back, he realizes that maybe they\u2019re not his friends after all. As he says this, Martini and Piper are tottering their way along the couch cushions, still not entirely confident in their bodies, still not afraid of the world and all their horrors. \u2019Tini walks right into Austen\u2019s lap, mewing up at him like she has a message, something deep to tell him. When he reaches out to touch her, she rolls herself up and folds herself over, tucking her whole body so that it fits in Austen\u2019s meaty hand. That\u2019s all she had to tell him, that was the entire message, and it\u2019s one that Austen hasn\u2019t received in a long time.<\/p>\n VULTURE NEWSLETTER<\/p>\n Keep up with all the drama of your favorite shows!<\/p>\n Vox Media, LLC Terms and Privacy Notice<\/p>\n
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