{"id":358416,"date":"2025-12-19T17:25:11","date_gmt":"2025-12-19T17:25:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/358416\/"},"modified":"2025-12-19T17:25:11","modified_gmt":"2025-12-19T17:25:11","slug":"who-says-no-to-these-11-nhl-trades-featuring-things-that-cant-actually-be-traded","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/358416\/","title":{"rendered":"Who says no to these 11 NHL trades (featuring things that can\u2019t actually be traded)?"},"content":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s been a week, but most of us are still in shock. NHL GMs actually did it. They pulled off the impossible: Meaningful midseason trades. More than one, even<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Well, if they can do it, so can we. Welcome back to \u201cWho Says No?\u201d, the feature where you send me your trade proposals involving things that can not be traded.<\/p>\n

We tried this over the summer<\/a>, with trades involving Brass Bonanza, Carlton the Bear and the 1999 Super Bowl. Were any of those trades realistic? No, they were not. But neither was \u201cThe Canucks trade Quinn Hughes to a team that isn\u2019t the Devils,\u201d and look where that ended up.<\/p>\n

What did you fine folks come up with this time around? I\u2019m almost afraid to find out, but let\u2019s dig in.<\/p>\n

(Want to send in your trade ideas for a future version of this column? Email your proposals to here<\/a>.)<\/p>\n

Vegas gets: The right to dump the remainder of a contract at any given time on the Flames for the next decade (one contract per year and three contracts over the decade max)<\/p>\n

Calgary gets: Zero percent income tax on player contracts for the next decade<\/p>\n

\u2014 Bill Barnwell (@billbarnwell) December 16, 2025<\/a><\/p>\n

Oh man, this guy is good at making up fake trades. He should try to get a job doing that<\/a> or something.<\/p>\n

OK, let\u2019s break this down. The Knights get a ton of value here, since they now have an easy way to get out of bad contracts, which is slightly more convenient than their current method of Kelly McCrimmon jumping a guy in the parking lot and suplexing him until he waives his no-trade. Having this sort of get-out-of-jail-free card would allow them to be even more aggressive in going after big names. On the other hand, it could also make star players more reluctant to commit to Vegas, because they\u2019d know they were five bad games away from having to walk around pretending that cowboy hats are cool.<\/p>\n

For the Flames, they get the ever-present threat of their salary cap structure being thrown into chaos for a decade to come, which would be tough. But if I\u2019ve learned anything from Canadian fans in recent years, it\u2019s that having no tax means that you\u2019re guaranteed to land every star player who becomes available, so this could really jump-start the rebuild in Calgary. Also, it would make Edmonton Oilers fans really mad, and that\u2019s a huge plus.<\/p>\n

In the end, my gut is that the Flames say no, if only because the tax thing is a handy excuse if you\u2019re already struggling to attract talent. But they at least order a few pizzas and get the whole front office together to talk it over first.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s do another Vegas offer\u2026<\/p>\n

Ottawa trades Gladiator Guy from the 2008 Sens-Pens playoff series intro to Vegas for forgiveness for the Dadonov trade NTC fiasco.<\/p>\n

\u2014 acedeblois.bsky.social (@acedeblois.bsky.social<\/a>) December 16, 2025 at 9:01 PM<\/a><\/p>\n

This is a trade that helps both teams, although it\u2019s tilted in Ottawa\u2019s favor. They\u2019re basically trading away an asset they have no use for, and getting a first-round pick back in return. Then again, the Bruins got a first for Brandon Carlo, so\u2026<\/p>\n

From the Vegas side, it\u2019s a little dicier. Adding the Spartan Guy to their already stacked lineup of pregame shenanigans is almost an embarrassment of riches. But do they want to let the Senators off the hook for the Dadonov debacle? Maybe not, although the situation already cost Pierre Dorion his job, so maybe that\u2019s enough. After all, the Senators are in the other conference, so it\u2019s not like the Knights should care all that much about them having a pick or not.<\/p>\n

Ultimately, I think Vegas says no. But it\u2019s a \u201clet\u2019s see you sweeten the pot\u201d no, not a hang-up-the-phone no. Throw in a little more value from the Ottawa side, like the rights to the Mendes Monday Musings<\/a> and three terrible puns to be named later, and you might have something here.<\/p>\n

Chicago trades their place in the Central Division with Detroit in the Atlantic.<\/p>\n

\u2014 Stefan M (@stefanmarkus.bsky.social<\/a>) December 16, 2025 at 2:29 PM<\/a><\/p>\n

Intriguing! I\u2019m going to put aside the question of travel because I grew up in a world where Chicago had teams in the NL East and the AL West at the same time, so I have absolutely no idea where they are geographically to this day. Does it make sense for the rebuilding Blackhawks to get away from the Stars, Avs and Wild and into a division where the Lightning and Panthers are both slowly aging out of their windows? Probably. And since games that start at 7 Eastern are the only ones that actually matter, this move helps Connor Bedard\u2019s marketability.<\/p>\n

The downside is that they lose their divisional rivalry with the Blues. But they get the Leafs back, which makes up for some of that. I think Chicago takes this deal.<\/p>\n

The question is whether Detroit would. They\u2019re in more of a win-now mode, or at least a \u201cmake the playoffs or come reasonably close now\u201d mode, which makes switching to a top-heavy Central seem like a bad idea. The big lure here is that you could rekindle the single greatest rivalry of the modern era<\/a>, but maybe we have to accept that modern NHL hockey just doesn\u2019t work that way anymore. At some point, you just have to let it go. (Wipes away a tear, cranks up \u201cLeave the Memories Alone\u201d while playing NHLPA 93 with fighting turned on.)<\/p>\n

Where was I? Oh right, the Red Wings say no.<\/p>\n

The New Jersey Devils trade \u201cwe\u2019ll stop talking about Quinn Hughes and 2027\u201d to Bill Guerin for \u201cJack Hughes is left home from the Olympics so he doesn\u2019t get hurt and is more motivated than ever\u201d<\/p>\n

\u2014 Pucks and Pitchforks (@pitchforkedpuck) December 13, 2025<\/a><\/p>\n

I can see the logic from the Devils side. But are we sure Guerin\u2019s even bringing Jack Hughes? Not sure you need all that fancy-pants \u201cskill\u201d and \u201cscoring\u201d if it means skimping on a checking line of Brock Nelson, Vincent Trocheck and a tattered photo of Joel Otto taped to a bag of cement.<\/p>\n

Besides, \u201cDevils fans going on about signing Quinn in 2027\u201d already feels like yesterday\u2019s news. We\u2019re already on to \u201cWild fans going on about signing Jack in in 2030.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bruins trade goalie coach Bob Essensa and his established Vezina winning track record (Thomas x2, Rask, Ullmark) to McDavid Era Oilers for either the 1988 or 1990 Stanley Cup so Bourque could have earned one with the Boston.<\/p>\n

\u2014 Terry Hayden (@haydenterry.bsky.social<\/a>) December 16, 2025 at 3:03 PM<\/a><\/p>\n

Brilliant. Both teams say yes. The only question is whether Edmonton fans want to give up 1988 or 1990. I\u2019m guessing it\u2019s the former, so they don\u2019t have to hear about how they never won without Gretzky, but we can hammer that detail out while we\u2019re on hold for the trade call.<\/p>\n

Terry Pegula for Francesco Aquilini, who says no?<\/p>\n

\u2014 Voline (@voline.bsky.social<\/a>) December 16, 2025 at 4:56 PM<\/a><\/p>\n

For the record, last time we had a proposal of Pegula for Alex Meruelo. Is Aquilini an upgrade or a downgrade? I\u2019ll leave that as an exercise for the reader.<\/p>\n

But yeah, the Sabres and Canucks were the most represented teams among your various proposals, and it wasn\u2019t all that close. A few of you even wanted to just swap the two team\u2019s histories or even their collective misery, which feels like a classic lose-lose trade of my headache for your headache. Then again, we thought the same about the Darcy Kuemper\/Pierre-Luc Dubois trade, and that one worked out pretty well. Huh.<\/p>\n

Anyway, this feels like a reasonably even deal, but I\u2019m guessing that Vancouver says no, because the last thing they want to risk is taking a step back in terms of ownership. And Buffalo definitely says no, because as frustrated as hockey fans might be with Pegula, the Bills have a legitimate chance to finally get back to a Super Bowl this year, and they\u2019re not going to make any deals that risk that.<\/p>\n

Connor McDavid and Sidney Crosby swap ages in return for one of Crosby\u2019s Stanley Cup wins.<\/p>\n

\u2014 Terry (@tkelly.bsky.social<\/a>) December 16, 2025 at 2:28 PM<\/a><\/p>\n

Crosby jumps at that deal in a second, right? He loses one of his three rings, and gains another decade in the league? He wouldn\u2019t even have to think about it.<\/p>\n

McDavid says no, though. This is the sort of deal you make when desperation has set in, and I don\u2019t think McDavid can get there when he isn\u2019t even 30 yet. If anything, he might feel like winning \u201conly\u201d one Cup won\u2019t be enough, and he might be right. And if all he wanted was one ring, he could just sign with the Panthers or Avs or whoever in a few years for the minimum.<\/p>\n

Now if it were all three rings \u2026 hmm.<\/p>\n

Speaking of Crosby\u2026<\/p>\n

Pittsburgh sends a cup to Canada to stop the no cups since 93 talk but Sidney Crosby retroactively becomes an American citizen<\/p>\n

\u2014 Elliott (@northernwreck) December 13, 2025<\/a><\/p>\n

I circled back to clarify the rules with Elliott: Canada could pick which Penguins Cup it wanted, but Crosby becomes American from that point on. That\u2019s not guaranteed to change the outcomes of any future international tournaments, but it could.<\/p>\n

With that understood, Canada says no. Even if you choose the 2017 Cup, which means we don\u2019t lose any of our existing Olympic gold medals, it means Crosby is on Team USA for the 4 Nations. Given how close those two teams were, and that the gold medal game went into overtime, there\u2019s a very good chance Crosby being on the other side changes the result. As you may have noticed, us Canadians were a wee bit cranky with the U.S. at the time<\/a>, so this is a big ask.<\/p>\n

Would Canadian hockey fans trade the 4 Nations win to get a Stanley Cup for their own team? Some would, some wouldn\u2019t. But that\u2019s not the question here. We\u2019d be getting one Cup, period, presumably to be handed out at random. So at best, I\u2019m getting a one-in-seven chance at a Stanley Cup, and a six-in-seven chance that a fan base I hate ends up getting it instead. No thanks, and no deal.<\/p>\n

Besides, we already gave you one Canadian-born superstar<\/a> and let you pretend he was American. Make your own legends for a change.<\/p>\n

Devils get: whatever voodoo the Red Wings have been using to be the healthiest team in the league (https:\/\/t.co\/F0QKiLJEJJ<\/a>)<\/p>\n

Red Wings get: the Devils draft lottery luck<\/p>\n

\u2014 Jared Moore (@MrJaredMoore) December 16, 2025<\/a><\/p>\n

Right now, the Red Wings say no. As much as Detroit fans would love to imagine having the lottery go their way for the first time in the history of the franchise, they\u2019re fighting for a playoff spot right now, meaning they don\u2019t want to be in the lottery this year. If their season falls apart and they\u2019re out of the race at the deadline, they\u2019re probably interested. Call back then.<\/p>\n

(An additional problem: We all know the true source of that stretch of Devils lottery luck, and it\u2019s in Carolina now<\/a>. So maybe the Wings should be calling the Hurricanes instead.)<\/p>\n

3-way trade:
Quebec gets an expansion team
Arizona gets the Videotron Centre
Winnipeg gets v1.0 history & records back<\/p>\n

\u2014 Benjamin Lynch (@BenFranklin2019) December 13, 2025<\/a><\/p>\n

You guys were weirdly eager to trade Quebec\u2019s arena to Arizona, as this wasn\u2019t even the only offer to come in<\/a>. But you know I love a good three-way trade<\/a>, so let\u2019s break this one down.<\/p>\n

First up, the Jets obviously say yes. Getting possession of the Jets 1.0 record book should be a no-brainer, in the same way that the NFL handled the Cleveland Browns. \u201cErm, did you know Ilya Kovalchuk holds the all-time Winnipeg Jets record for \u2026\u201d Shut up, no he doesn\u2019t. Gary Bettman says this is complicated. I say the Jets are the Jets<\/a>. Who are you going to believe?<\/p>\n

Careful readers may notice that the Jets aren\u2019t even giving anything up in this trade. Neither are the Coyotes, really, although an expansion team in Quebec might push them back in the pecking order. Still, that\u2019s probably worth it to get a functional arena once and for all. That means they also say yes.<\/p>\n

That leaves Quebec. They\u2019re giving up a key asset here, even if Centre Vid\u00e9otron is already a decade old. They\u2019d have to build something new, which would be expensive. Is it worth it to finally get an NHL team back? Of course it is. You have to give something to get something, and this may be the only chance they\u2019re ever going to get. So they say yes too.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s three pieces of a three-way trade, and they\u2019re all saying yes. So who says no? The NHL head office, obviously. Sorry, Quebec, we tried.<\/p>\n

In a trade of unused mascots,\u00a0 Boomer from the Blue Jackets for Badaboum, whose rights are held by Colorado.<\/p>\n

Reasoning: Colorado uses cannons to safely set off avalanches, Columbus would get a blue colored mascot.<\/p>\n

\u2014 Roland THTG (@rolandthtg.bsky.social<\/a>) December 15, 2025 at 11:04 AM<\/a><\/p>\n

You already know how I feel about the Columbus cannon situation<\/a>, so it\u2019s fair to say this is a tempting offer. And Badaboum, who was the Nordiques mascot way back when, isn\u2019t exactly getting a ton of playing time in Colorado these days. This feels like a classic change-of-scenery trade that could work for both sides.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s my issue, and I\u2019m going to phrase it as delicately as possible. The main problem with Boomer was that some fans believed he was, uh, shaped like certain things<\/a>. And when you take a good look at Badaboum<\/a>, with his weirdly spherical jowls and pointy head with that, er, helmet on top \u2026 it\u2019s just that \u2026 what\u2019s the best way to put this \u2026 you see, my concern here would be \u2026<\/p>\n

You know what, screw it. You\u2019ve got a deal, send over the paperwork and we\u2019ll get this through to the league office.<\/p>\n