Modern dating is a minefield. In recent years, many straight women have sounded the alarm about the terrible behaviour they\u2019ve been subjected to, both online and off: from catfishing, to unsolicited dick pics, to lovebombing, to gaslighting, to ghosting \u2013 to, in more extreme instances, abuse.<\/p>\n
In light of this, it\u2019s little wonder that there\u2019s a new app promising to help you \u201cmake sure your date is safe, not a catfish, and not in a relationship\u201d. Tea Dating Advice<\/a> (or Tea) is a women-only app which is rapidly gaining popularity among young women in the US (it\u2019s not yet available in the UK or Australia). It\u2019s\u00a0currently the #1 lifestyle app in the App Store, with nearly 1 million women signing up to this app in the past week alone<\/a>. On the platform, users are able to anonymously post photos of men they\u2019re dating and ask if other users have any \u2018tea\u2019 on them. Users are also able to turn on notification alerts to see if specific names are mentioned on the app.<\/p>\n The premise is similar to those \u2018Are We Dating The Same Guy?\u2019 Facebook pages<\/a> where group members \u2013 usually straight women \u2013 post \u2018reviews\u2019 of men they\u2019ve dated, often alongside screenshots of their social media profiles, or ask if any other members have any dirt to dish about them. \u201cEssentially, they\u2019re the [modern] equivalent of whisper networks,\u201d surmised writer Chiara Wilkinson in a 2023 Dazed article.<\/a> Or, as James Greig put it in a 2024 article<\/a> about surveillance culture, \u201cit\u2019s digital vigilantism; the TikTok equivalent of a citizen\u2019s arrest.\u201d <\/p>\n For some, the app is a vital resource \u2013 a way to alert other women to the predators and abusers lurking undetected in the dating pool. \u201cUnlike anything else out there, this app is designed with women\u2019s safety, awareness, and empowerment as its top priority,\u201d reads one review on the App Store. \u201cIt goes beyond basic dating protection and truly provides a layer of defense against liars, cheaters, scammers, and even predators.\u201d Another is glad to have a means of warning other women about her abusive ex. \u201cHe\u2019s attractive, smart and charming, you\u2019d never know it […] for so long I was hoping for a way to warn other women of him.\u201d<\/p>\n But others are sceptical. A one-star review claims that their friend was unfairly slated on the app by one woman after he decided not to pursue things romantically with her. As a result of this, the review reads, \u201cmy friend has been turned down on several dates. He has gone into depression and has decided to avoid the dating scene.\u201d Another review describes the app as \u201ca place for jealous ex-girlfriends to post bad things\u201d. (Tea\u2019s support team stress that they \u201chave a zero tolerance policy for defamatory content\u201d on the app and ask anyone on the receiving end of this to get in touch.)<\/p>\n It\u2019s easy to sympathise with the women who see the platform as a useful directory of dangerous men. In the US, over 1 in 3 women (35.6 per cent)<\/a> in the US have experienced rape, physical violence, and\/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime \u2013 but only around half of all domestic violence incidents are reported to law enforcement<\/a>, largely owing to fear, shame, and a lack of faith in the police. With this in mind, it\u2019s little wonder that women are drawn to more \u2018alternative\u2019 ways of seeking justice.<\/p>\n But it\u2019s also clear how an app like Tea could be abused. It\u2019s arguably inherently unethical to effectively doxx someone and share private information about them without their consent; although some might argue that abusers forfeit their right to privacy, what about the men posted on there who aren\u2019t abusers? Is having your personal information published online a suitable \u2018punishment\u2019 for, say, ghosting someone after one date? Is it really healthy or helpful for us to surveil one another like this? It\u2019s possible Tea users could also find themselves in legal trouble<\/a> if they publish defamatory posts or use the platform to harass men.<\/p>\n It remains to be seen whether Tea will take off as a new platform, spectacularly flop, or get deleted off the App Store as a result of violating men\u2019s privacy. But one thing is clear: the rapid rise of an app like this serves to demonstrate just how toxic and embittered the modern heterosexual dating scene has become.<\/p>\n