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<\/p>\nFor U.S. audiences only<\/p>\n
SELF-ACCEPTANCE IS A complicated, ongoing journey that can be as demanding as it is gratifying. It involves many layers\u2014mental and emotional well-being, physical fitness, sexual health, and diet. It\u2019s a road whose rewards Ariel Padilla knows intimately.<\/p>\n
\u201cFitness helped me find myself,\u201d the New York-based indoor cycling instructor says of his lifelong trek to a place where he can share his happiness and self-acceptance with others. <\/p>\n
But getting to this point wasn\u2019t a straight line for Padilla, who, walking around Brooklyn, laughs persistently and exudes radiant joy. <\/p>\n
His first brush with exercise was playing football as a kid, but it came with pressure, not self-love. \u201cI grew up as a really overweight kid; I was almost 300 pounds when I graduated high school,\u201d Padilla says. \u201cMy dad would put me on these crazy diets because I was always the only one exceeding the weight limits [in youth football].\u201d<\/p>\n
It was part of a cycle of fluctuating weight that contributed to his struggles to accept and love himself. <\/p>\n
After high school, he attended college for musical theater. \u201cI kind of lost all this weight,\u201d he remembers. \u201cI had no relationship to working out in college other than dancing\u2014ballet, tap, jazz\u2014and I had no money to eat. I was saving money for alcohol on the weekends.\u201d<\/p>\n
AS HE DEALT with the strain of fluctuating weight and not prioritizing his health, Padilla was also grappling with his identity. Coming from a super-straight Puerto Rican family, balancing his athletic and artistic endeavors made his family question whether he was gay or straight. He told them he was straight, and then he went to college. \u201cThere\u2019s a saying that if you come to musical theater college, you\u2019ll be gay by May,\u201d he says, laughing. \u201cI was gay by July\u2014so I held out for a few months.\u201d<\/p>\n
At that time, he\u2019d struggled with accepting his sexual orientation, partly because of how he perceived his body. \u201cThe thought of queerness had always been on my mind, but I didn\u2019t think that was even a possibility at my size,\u201d Padilla says. \u201cThe only gay people I knew at that time were super-thin ballet dancers. Being a chubby singer, I didn\u2019t see that many gay guys who looked like that.\u201d<\/p>\n
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With an inability to love his own body, he was unable to accept his true self more broadly. It took a toll in ways he couldn\u2019t see until he was relieved of that burden. \u201cComing to terms with my own sexuality was physically freeing,\u201d he says. \u201cCarrying extra body weight can feel like carrying secrets. You\u2019re stress-eating, you\u2019re holding onto things. Once that stress isn\u2019t weighing you down anymore, you just feel freer.\u201d<\/p>\n
Amid that newfound sense of freedom, he experienced another trauma: His mother died. He was heartbroken and gained weight\u2014again. However, as he began to heal, as much as one ever can heal from the loss of a loved one, he discovered a desire \u201cto find normalcy again\u201d and get back in shape. That\u2019s when he discovered indoor cycling and began a new relationship with exercise. \u201cI had finally found a place where I could consistently go that combined my love for performing and fitness,\u201d Padilla says. <\/p>\n
The emotional and physical strength he was gaining inspired a desire to continue prioritizing his overall well-being.<\/p>\n
He quickly saw progress and\u2014more importantly\u2014an improvement in his mental health. \u201cI probably dropped 65, 70 pounds of emotional weight,\u201d he says with a smile. To be able to afford cycling classes, and aided by a passion for performing, he got a job as an instructor. The emotional and physical strength he was gaining inspired a desire to continue prioritizing his overall well-being, even as he found that challenges would persist despite the victories.<\/p>\n
AT THAT TIME, he was in a long-term relationship. When he and his boyfriend split up after eight years together, Padilla experienced what he calls another \u201ctransitional moment of freedom.\u201d That too was a step in his journey toward self-acceptance. <\/p>\n
As he started dating again, Padilla began to see that taking care of his body wasn\u2019t just about the gym\u2014it extended to every part of his well-being, including his sexual health. For the first time, he was thinking intentionally about what it meant to feel confident, safe, and in control in this new chapter of his life. That realization made him take a closer look at the choices he was making for himself and how they reflected the self-love he\u2019d worked so hard to build.<\/p>\n
\u201cI was single, doing this job for the first time ever,\u201d he says. \u201cI was also depressed and back in that place where I was seeking validation and comfort from people. I had never really been a single, sexually active adult before. I think that before you learn to love yourself again, you just start doing stuff.\u201d<\/p>\n
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Rooted in his commitment to becoming a new, better version of himself, he began to perceive his sexual health in ways he hadn\u2019t previously. With the prospect of becoming more active in the dating scene, safety and caring for potential partners, became an important factor. He was getting tested regularly for HIV and other sexually transmitted infections and using condoms. He\u2019d heard of PrEP\u2014short for pre-exposure prophylaxis, a prescription medicine taken before coming into contact with HIV to help prevent getting the virus through sex\u2014but wasn\u2019t taking it and until this point had never viewed it as an essential piece of his overall wellness. [Editor note: PrEP doesn\u2019t protect against other sexually transmitted infections (STIs), and it is important to use condoms and other healthy sex practices.]<\/p>\n
\u201cI was starting to feel like myself again and dating. I was thinking, Do I want to take it?\u201d he says. He had a conversation with his healthcare provider and they decided that PrEP was an option for him. \u201cStarting PrEP offered me the opportunity to help reduce my chance of getting HIV through sex.\u201d <\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m able to walk a little prouder and feel more comfortable knowing that I am being proactive about protecting myself from HIV by understanding my HIV prevention options.\u201d <\/p>\n
He discovered some comfort sexually in knowing that he was being proactive about protecting himself from HIV by understanding his prevention options. \u201cI\u2019m able to walk a little prouder and feel more comfortable knowing that I am being proactive about protecting myself from HIV by understanding my prevention options,\u201d he says, because when you have multiple partners and don\u2019t protect yourself, it\u2019s the same as keeping a secret. <\/p>\n
WITH FITNESS AS his guide, Padilla has learned that the work of self-acceptance has made him a stronger instructor, able to create space for others to love themselves, too. <\/p>\n
\u201cPeople of any size or any beliefs can come and see a really queer person being super queer and confident,\u201d he says of his classes. \u201cSome of the most rewarding moments of the job have been after young 20-somethings, and even high school age kids, come to my class and their parents send me a message about their kids finding confidence and finally feeling like themselves.\u201d
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He strongly believes there isn\u2019t one right way to be\u2014only showing up as your true self. \u201cFinding peace in my body really didn\u2019t coincide with a specific number or even a shape,\u201d Padilla says. \u201cI was really liking my body when it was a little bit bigger, too. Right now, I have specific goals for myself, but I\u2019m not going to punish myself. I feel pretty good, and I am a good person.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou really have to be able to understand your own humanness to pull the best out in people,\u201d he says. <\/p>\n
Padilla teaches his classes with humor and honesty, speaking openly about challenges, and creating playlists themed around his life, even if those messages aren\u2019t what you\u2019d typically expect during a workout. That\u2019s because his path of self-acceptance\u2014undoubtedly an ongoing journey for anyone\u2014couldn\u2019t have happened, he says, without the challenges. \u201cYou really have to be able to understand your own humanness to pull the best out in people,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n
Talk with your healthcare provider and visit HealthySexual.com<\/a> to learn more about HIV prevention options, like PrEP.What You Should Know About PrEP <\/p>\n By Maria Masters <\/p>\n PrEP, which stands for pre-exposure prophylaxis<\/a>, is a prescription medication taken before exposure to HIV that can help lower the risk<\/a> of HIV infection through sex by 99 percent when taken as prescribed. <\/p>\n \u201cPrEP has really evolved in terms of the multiple options offered to people, including the longer-acting choices as well,\u201d says Namrata Shah, MD, an infectious disease physician in Washington DC and co-author of a study published on the latest PrEP offerings in The New England Journal of Medicine<\/a>.<\/p>\n You\u2019re more at risk for HIV if you have unprotected sex with one or many people, have a partner who currently has HIV, or have been diagnosed with a sexually transmitted infection within the past six months. While 71 percent of new HIV infections occur in gay or bisexual men, according to data from the Centers of Disease Control and Prevention<\/a>, anyone sexually active can get HIV. \u201cA lot of people don\u2019t know the [health status] of their sexual partners,\u201d says Dr. Shah. \u201cAnyone who is HIV negative and sexually active should talk to their healthcare provider about PrEP.\u201d<\/p>\n The problem, she says, is that many people don\u2019t feel comfortable talking to their doctor about HIV, including prevention\u2014and that doctors, too, don\u2019t feel comfortable bringing up the subject. Data<\/a> shows that there are more than 39,000 new HIV infections in the U.S., evidence that \u201cwe\u2019re still falling short,\u201d says Dr. Shah.<\/p>\n