{"id":420976,"date":"2026-01-21T14:55:09","date_gmt":"2026-01-21T14:55:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/420976\/"},"modified":"2026-01-21T14:55:09","modified_gmt":"2026-01-21T14:55:09","slug":"i-think-i-mightve-found-the-one-but-his-sleep-routine-really-freaks-me-out","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/420976\/","title":{"rendered":"I think I might’ve found the one. But his sleep “routine” really freaks me out."},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear Prudence is Slate\u2019s advice column.\u00a0Submit questions here<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Dear Prudence,<\/p>\n

I have been dating \u201cCesar\u201d for several months now. I\u2019m not saying he is \u201cthe one\u201d yet, although we get along great and our future together looks promising. But (there always seems to be a \u201cbut\u201d), there is something about him that I don\u2019t know if I can handle.<\/p>\n

We have been intimate, but due to our work schedules, we had never spent the night together until the last couple of weekends. Cesar, when he sleeps, sleeps on top of the covers (wearing pajamas) and basically looks like he is in a coffin. Flat on his back, no pillow, arms crossed over his chest, never moving from the time we say, \u201cGoodnight\u201d until one of us wakes up for the day. He says he is a hot sleeper, so that is why he doesn\u2019t need covers, and that he \u201chypnotizes\/hibernates\u201d himself before going to sleep by focusing on lowering his breathing rate and completely relaxing his body.<\/p>\n

One time, I honestly thought he was dead because I could not hear him breathe, and his skin actually felt cooler to the touch. It kind of freaks me out if I happen to get up to use the bathroom and come back to what looks like a dead man lying on the bed. Plus, with him on top of the covers and me under the covers (I need a cover over me to sleep), there is no cuddling during the night, which I have enjoyed with previous relationships. Any suggestions on how to get over this? We are in our mid-20s, so the chance of him actually being dead is quite slim.<\/p>\n

\u2014His Sleeping Style Is Freaking Me Out<\/p>\n

Dear Sleeping Style,<\/p>\n

Do you know how much money and energy people spend on magnesium, melatonin, sleep hygiene habits, meditation apps, and limiting blue light and caffeine after 2 p.m. to achieve what Cesar does with the power of his mind? I\u2019m impressed! And I actually think this hypnosis trick is a great sign of his ability to manage his body and mind. If the two of you end up getting married and you miss your connecting flight on the way to your honeymoon, guess who\u2019s not going to be red-faced and yelling at an airline employee? Cesar. He\u2019ll take a few deep breaths, hypnotize himself into a cool, logical mindset, and figure out the next steps. Plus, he\u2019s not snoring or anything? This is a win!<\/p>\n

I hate that you\u2019re not getting to cuddle in your sleep, but if you do want to snuggle up to his corpse-like body, you could just place a small comforter over only yourself and stick an arm out to drape over him. It doesn\u2019t sound like he\u2019ll give a lot back, but it\u2019s something.<\/p>\n

Regarding your concerns that he\u2019s dead, I have to say, sleeping people in general look a lot like dead people. Your checking his breathing and feeling his skin when you had absolutely no reason to believe he\u2019d passed away (he\u2019s not a three-day-old infant on his first night home from the hospital, and it\u2019s not as if you found him lying on the bathroom floor) is concerning and makes me think the solution involves managing your anxiety. Only you know whether this is a larger issue in your life, but in the meantime, maybe you could adopt a mantra like, \u201cHe\u2019s safe, and he\u2019s having a wonderful night of sleep. I will do the same.\u201d Or ask him to teach you to self-hypnotize so you won\u2019t be awake to worry about him.<\/p>\n

\n Please keep questions short (<150 words), and don\u2018t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. Your submission may be used in other Slate advice columns and may be edited for publication.\n <\/p>\n

Dear Prudence,<\/p>\n

I have a neighbor I\u2019m concerned about. She has two kids in the 7 to 10 age range, which is a little older than my kids, and we\u2019ve done occasional playdates over several years where we chat while the kids play, but that\u2019s it. I\u2019ve met her husband briefly. She doesn\u2019t work, and he travels for work and is gone for weeks at a time. She\u2019s always been extremely flaky, often canceling at the last minute.<\/p>\n

Over a year ago, that turned into every plan getting cancelled, and I stopped trying, figuring it wasn\u2019t a priority for them. Then recently, she called me out of the blue. She was talking very fast, in a high, child-like voice. She didn\u2019t make much sense, but from what I could gather, her husband has called the police on her multiple times in the past year, the last time leading to an involuntary stay in a psychiatric ward. She was making claims about her husband and mother both being narcissists who were sabotaging her, repeating herself a lot, and seemed to be in a state of panic.<\/p>\n

Since then, she\u2019s sent me several bursts of texts about some sort of volunteer work she\u2019s apparently trying to turn into a job that is tangentially related to my field, sort of asking for advice, but never giving me enough information that I could actually give any, and filled with apologies for bothering me. I\u2019ve tried several times to make plans with her\u2014lunch or a walk\u2014and I\u2019ve expressed concern for her and directed her to mental health resources. She agrees to plans but always cancels, and insists she has neurodiverse needs (I think self-diagnosed) that require very specialized professional skills.<\/p>\n

So, my question: What, if anything, can or should I be doing here? She\u2019s clearly struggling, but we aren\u2019t close. If it were just her, I would leave it at that. But I worry about her kids. I don\u2019t know her husband well enough to approach him; I don\u2019t even know if he is a safe person. I sense that she has no close friends and spends most of her time alone in her house while the kids are in school and her husband is gone. She\u2019s clearly mentally unwell, but I don\u2019t know if he is part of the reason for that. I think I\u2019m doing everything I can from where I\u2019m at, but if you have any outside suggestions, I would much appreciate it.<\/p>\n

\u2014When There\u2019s No Village<\/p>\n

Dear When There\u2019s No Village,<\/p>\n

Reading your letter makes me think about how hard it is for people to help spouses, siblings, and best friends who are in distress, living in chaos, or struggling with mental health issues. They often write to me feeling completely powerless to make changes in their loved ones\u2019 lives, because we can\u2019t force people to do anything they don\u2019t want to do. If it\u2019s hard for them, who are much more directly involved in the situation, it would be nearly impossible for you.<\/p>\n

You don\u2019t have the closeness, let alone the information about what your friend is going through, to be doing more. Even if you did, your power to push your friend toward professional help would be pretty minimal. That\u2019s too bad, but on the other hand, I hope knowing this makes you feel a little less responsible for doing something to get to the bottom of her problems and solve them.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\n Jen\u00e9e Desmond-Harris
\n Help! I Wanted to Extend a Simple Thank You to a Neighbor. But They Took Advantage of My Generosity.
\n Read More\n <\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

That said, I do have two practical ideas about ways you could help her out a little bit. The first is something you\u2019re already doing: Listen to her. Whether she\u2019s talking about her marriage, her job search, or her neurodivergence, just hear her out and affirm the way she\u2019s feeling. You don\u2019t need to understand all the details\u2014or even feel sure that they\u2019re grounded in reality\u2014to say, \u201cThat must have been so painful\u201d or, \u201cYou didn\u2019t deserve that\u201d when she reports on the way her husband and others are treating her, or \u201cThis is really exciting for you\u201d when she\u2019s sharing details about her hopes for her career. While fixing everything for her would be great, there\u2019s something to be said for making sure she knows she\u2019s not alone.<\/p>\n

Second, go get those kids and bring them to your house for a sleepover or a weekend if everyone is comfortable with that. They\u2019re already friends with your children. Even if it turns out that nothing is wrong beyond her husband traveling a lot, she could use a break.<\/p>\n

Prudie Wants to Hear From You!<\/p>\n

Readers often have great suggestions for our letter writers, occasionally disagree with a point Prudie makes, or simply want to provide some additional advice. Each week, Prudie will be replying to some of these comments and suggestions from readers, which will be featured on the site on Fridays for\u00a0Slate Plus<\/a>\u00a0members.\u00a0Write to us!<\/a>\u00a0Or submit a question here.<\/a><\/p>\n

Dear Prudence,<\/p>\n

My wife\u2019s parents are absolutely lovely, and she is usually completely normal around them. Until, that is, we spend time with them in their home. Then the dynamic changes, and the cool, calm woman I know turns into a nervous child.<\/p>\n

Her voice rises several octaves, and she becomes extremely reactive and controlling. Our latest visit started with her hissing and tutting at everything I did, moved on to constantly correcting the kids and me, and ended with her screaming, \u201cYou\u2019re useless\u201d at me because I used the \u201cwrong\u201d knife to cut onions. I stopped what I was doing, grabbed the kids, and left. My phone started blowing up on the way home as she left a series of increasingly ugly messages while she got sloppy drunk with her sister. I was so worried about her state of mind that I shut down our joint bank account for fear of some kind of revenge. It was bad.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Help! I Wanted to Extend a Simple Thank You to a Neighbor. But They Took Advantage of My Generosity.
\n <\/a><\/p>\n

That was Christmas, and she has yet to come home. We haven\u2019t spoken outside of a few texts. The kids are in pieces. I don\u2019t know what to tell them because I don\u2019t know whether our marriage will survive. My in-laws texted me an apology, but my (ex?-)wife has only communicated anger and disappointment. We\u2019ve been married 18 years, and every visit to her parents has gone badly, but never like this. I\u2019ve begun separating our assets because I don\u2019t see any way back from some of the messages she sent, particularly the ones in which she wished me and the kids harm. Where do we go from here?<\/p>\n

\u2014Useless (Apparently)<\/p>\n

Dear Useless (Apparently),<\/p>\n

As I read your letter, I imagined unpacking for you all the ways being around parents can bring out the worst in many adults. I wondered if your wife had painful childhood experiences that caused her anxiety to really peak at home, and if you could help her manage her anxiety, while also protecting yourself from having to absorb it.<\/p>\n

And then, I read that she wished harm on you and your children. Excuse me?! I didn\u2019t need the rest of the details. They don\u2019t matter. The marriage is over. You need to document everything she says and get the best lawyer you can afford.<\/p>\n

Classic Prudie<\/p>\n

What do you do with green around the gills envy? My partner inherited a five-bedroom house, and we plan to renovate it with grand dreams. A music room, a library, a quilting studio, a room for our foster cat program\u2014anything more than the one-bedroom condo we have been stuck in. Only my sister refuses to be happy for us.<\/a><\/p>\n

Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Dear Prudence is Slate\u2019s advice column.\u00a0Submit questions here. Dear Prudence, I have been dating \u201cCesar\u201d for several months…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":420977,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[34],"tags":[3005,22872,11463,97],"class_list":{"0":"post-420976","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-health","8":"tag-advice","9":"tag-dating-and-relationships","10":"tag-dear-prudence","11":"tag-health"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/420976","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=420976"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/420976\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/420977"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=420976"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=420976"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=420976"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}