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\n Larsa\u2019s weekend trip requires two yachts to keep someone from getting thrown overboard.
\n Photo: Bravo\n <\/p>\n
It\u2019s such a joy when a dispute among Real Housewives involves one of them daring to wear sneakers. We\u2019ll always remember on Potomac<\/a> when Gizelle looked down and said, \u201cKaren, you\u2019re ready to walk around,\u201d and now sneakers are back in the crosshairs on this week\u2019s Miami. As Julia tells Martina about Guerdy sharing their texts at her party, we find out that after that happened, Julia went back inside to ask what she was trying to prove by doing that. The most to come from that conversation was Guerdy yelling, \u201cNo class! Wearing sneakers for cocktail chic!\u201d Save the sneakers for the goats, Julia.<\/p>\n Somewhere where sneakers actually would be appropriate is the construction site that Stephanie brings Larsa to. Apparently, her husband built this massive house with his ex, but they got another place when he married Stephanie. Now that he wants to move back to that house, Stephanie is allowing it only on the condition that she can completely gut the place so there\u2019s no affiliation with his ex. I thought this was excessive until they showed photos of how ugly the house used to look, which won me over to Stephanie\u2019s side \u2014 even though she says it probably would cost less to just buy a whole new house. But then she says something even more shocking. \u201cI\u2019m gonna have a housewarming party and invite all the girls.\u201d A housewarming party? There\u2019s no house yet!<\/p>\n Real Housewives love having housewarming parties at construction sites; it\u2019s truly an epidemic. But when duty calls (a camera crew requiring you to throw events with or without cause), you have to rise to the occasion. Larsa tells Stephanie that she\u2019s planning a weekend yacht trip, but after the blow-up that happened at Guerdy\u2019s party, it\u2019s clear that these women are going to need two yachts \u2026 otherwise someone\u2019s going overboard. We flash back to two of our greatest minds, Larsa and Kiki, trying to divide the group across the two boats, using Post-It notes with everybody\u2019s names on them and trading them back and forth like Pok\u00e9mon cards. It\u2019s like watching John Nash in A Beautiful Mind.<\/p>\n But just when things seem tough for the group, we\u2019re gifted a beautiful respite. Dr. Nicole Martin is back on our screens. Sure, it might just be a guest appearance, but I\u2019ll take anything at this point. And listen, the show is doing fine without her, but there\u2019s still a Nicole-shaped hole in our hearts. They tried to fill it with Stephanie, who, we find out, also once dated Nicole\u2019s husband, Anthony \u2014 so there are definitely some similarities, but it\u2019s not quite the same. Whereas a lesser reality star would recoil at that revelation, Nicole leans in, saying she\u2019s excited to meet her since they probably have a lot in common. Sure enough, when Guerdy calls her up and introduces the pair via FaceTime, they instantly hit it off. Afterward, Nicole tells Guerdy she had a gut feeling that Stephanie and Alexia\u2019s personalities wouldn\u2019t mesh and complains about how the group\u2019s blind alliances dictate dynamics. And she\u2019s right: It\u2019s tough to make a group work when blind loyalty is both given and expected.<\/p>\n Then Guerdy asks the question we\u2019re all dying to know the answer to: \u201cWhat would it take for you to come back to our group?\u201d Please, Nicole, we beg. \u201cTBD,\u201d she says \u2026 so she\u2019s saying there\u2019s hope!<\/p>\n While that appearance from Nicole was a little vacation for us, the vacation for the ladies is on their dueling yachts. The divide seems to go smoothly enough until Adriana, who thought she was on a better path with Marysol, finds out that Marysol had specifically requested not to share a yacht with her. That path is instantly decimated as a more and more drunken Adriana spends the day going scorched earth on Marysol, both behind her back and to her face. \u201cThe fake Birkin bags and the cubic zirconia rings will not absolve you of the evilness of your soul,\u201d she says, and it\u2019s like watching pure poetry. It gets even worse once Marysol is within sight and Adriana yells from one boat to another about her \u201cbony wrinkled knees.\u201d Not since Captain Phillips<\/a> have I been so gripped by this kind of maritime warfare, all of which reaches its climax when Kiki starts handing out water guns.<\/p>\n There is a shocking amount of comings and goings on these yachts, considering that they\u2019re boats in the water \u2014 first Stephanie leaves to meet up with her husband in Canada, then Guerdy arrives late but just in time for dinner. With tensions already riding high, Lisa has an idea for exercise they can do around the table as they eat. Uh-oh, whenever a Housewife has the bright idea to go around the table with something, it\u2019s usually an insane plot, like Marysol making them all say who they trust the least. However, Lisa takes a more positive approach, encouraging everyone to say something kind. After Adriana praises Marysol\u2019s fashion sense, Marysol struggles to return the compliment until she ultimately says, \u201cI think it\u2019s really cool you can play the piano.\u201d That counts for something! But perhaps the bigger challenge at the table is for Guerdy and Julia to offer up kindness to each other, and sure enough, it results in them rehashing the drama that played out at Guerdy\u2019s party.<\/p>\n You might recall that earlier in the episode, Julia expressed frustration with Adriana for not standing up for her and having her back in conflicts like these. So where is Adriana just a few short hours later when duty calls? Up at the bar struggling to open another bottle of wine. But given her current state, her lack of involvement is probably for the best.<\/p>\n Plus, with them discussing it at the table, there are already enough people getting involved. It\u2019s during the other women\u2019s confessionals as this fight plays out that the producers finally ask them about what those texts said. The only problem is that none of the women seemed to have actually read them, so all of this fighting is more about the concept of leaking texts and less about the content.<\/p>\n Ultimately, rather than continue to litigate this as a group, Julia and Guerdy both decide to put a pin in it so that they can give themselves some time to cool off and then have a more productive conversation about it later in private. Oh, a novel idea!<\/p>\n The next morning, Larsa calls to check in on Stephanie, who\u2019s still off in Canada but says she\u2019ll be back \u201cin a couple hours.\u201d It was simply a quick date night in another country, she explains. Seems like a waste of jet fuel, particularly when she should be clocked in at work (this show), but to her credit, she manages to stir shit up even over FaceTime. As Larsa fills her in on the night she missed, Stephanie asks what the \u201cRottweiler\u201d was up to during all of that, and Larsa turns the phone to reveal the Rottweiler in question \u2014 Alexia, who immediately starts attacking.<\/p>\n Stephanie says she was just making a playful reference to the nickname Alexia gave herself the previous day, but \u2014 perhaps because this is happening first thing in the morning after a night of drinking \u2014 Alexia isn\u2019t in a fun mood. And in Alexia\u2019s defense, it didn\u2019t sound like Stephanie was being playful until she realized she got caught, so it seems like this dogfight is set to rage on.<\/p>\n VULTURE NEWSLETTER<\/p>\n Keep up with all the drama of your favorite shows!<\/p>\n Vox Media, LLC Terms and Privacy Notice<\/p>\n