{"id":560769,"date":"2026-04-02T20:04:09","date_gmt":"2026-04-02T20:04:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/560769\/"},"modified":"2026-04-02T20:04:09","modified_gmt":"2026-04-02T20:04:09","slug":"my-sister-had-a-secret-relationship-for-25-years-because-he-was-married-i-can-never-accept-him-because-of-the-affair","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/560769\/","title":{"rendered":"My sister had a secret relationship for 25 years because he was married. I can never accept him because of the affair."},"content":{"rendered":"

Care and Feeding is Slate\u2019s parenting advice column.\u00a0Have a question for Care and Feeding?\u00a0Submit it here<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Dear Care and Feeding, <\/p>\n

I just found out that my (single, never married) sister has been having an affair with a married man for over 25 years.<\/p>\n

The wife found out, threw him out, and filed for divorce. He moved in with my sister as he has nowhere else to go. I love my sister, but I am very disappointed that she started and carried on with this man knowing that he was married and had young children. She wants me to accept him as her partner, but I don\u2019t see how I can pretend to be civil when I know he is a cheater and was able to deceive his wife for more than two decades. Our parents have passed, and our other siblings and friends are OK with their history. Am I wrong for refusing to accept him? I feel very strongly about him having disrespected both his wife and my sister. I cannot pretend that it\u2019s OK. It\u2019s breaking my sister\u2019s heart because she thinks I\u2019m forcing her to choose between us. I\u2019m not, but I cannot fake being nice. He presents this public persona of being an upstanding, decent, God-centered man when he isn\u2019t. What should I do?<\/p>\n

\u2014Disappointed Sister<\/p>\n

Dear Disappointed Sister,<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not sure what you mean when you say that you refuse to accept this guy as your sister\u2019s partner. He is her partner. He is the person she has chosen to be with. You don\u2019t have to like it, but that\u2019s the reality, and I don\u2019t really see the point in refusing to accept reality.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

My Husband Has a Chance to Quadruple His Income. But What We Have to Do First Terrifies Me.
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\n This Content is Available for Slate Plus members only<\/p>\n

I Teach My Friend\u2019s Son. He Just Uh, Revealed What His Parents Are Really Like.
\n <\/a><\/p>\n

They are both consenting adults. You don\u2019t have to agree with the choices they\u2019ve made, but you cannot force them to choose otherwise. You can only control your own choices and behavior. So consider what, if anything, you hope to gain by continuing to feud openly with your sister\u2019s partner. Do you think that \u201crefusing to accept\u201d him is likely to change either of their minds? What is more important to you\u2014keeping your sister in your life and being there for her, or trying to punish the person she\u2019s chosen to be with?<\/p>\n

Again, you don\u2019t have to like or approve of this man. And if you ever suspected that your sister wasn\u2019t safe with him, that is a very different matter. But as things stand, the person you seem to be hurting most with your behavior is not him, but your sister. I think if you\u2019re emotionally close to her, it\u2019s OK to be honest about your concerns and your feelings. But you also need to accept that she gets to make her own decisions. Do your best to love and be there for her, even when you disagree.<\/p>\n

I hear that you strongly disapprove of this man\u2019s past actions, and would like to see him face some consequences. I\u2019m just not sure why you think you\u2019re the one who needs to make sure he does. It is not your responsibility to punish your sister\u2019s partner for something you yourself were completely uninvolved in.<\/p>\n

\u2014Nicole<\/p>\n

More Parenting Advice From Slate<\/p>\n

Recently, my 7-year-old called out to my husband right before falling asleep. He said: \u201cDaddy, can I tell you something I haven\u2019t told anyone? The world is really hard, and sometimes I think it would be better off if I wasn\u2019t in it.\u201d Is 7 too young to be diagnosed with depression?\u00a0What should I do?<\/a><\/p>\n

Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Care and Feeding is Slate\u2019s parenting advice column.\u00a0Have a question for Care and Feeding?\u00a0Submit it here. Dear Care…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":560770,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[34],"tags":[3005,22872,3006,97],"class_list":{"0":"post-560769","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-health","8":"tag-advice","9":"tag-dating-and-relationships","10":"tag-family","11":"tag-health"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/560769","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=560769"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/560769\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/560770"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=560769"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=560769"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=560769"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}