{"id":563495,"date":"2026-04-04T05:05:11","date_gmt":"2026-04-04T05:05:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/563495\/"},"modified":"2026-04-04T05:05:11","modified_gmt":"2026-04-04T05:05:11","slug":"my-marriage-went-through-a-real-rough-patch-i-confided-in-the-wrong-person-and-now-im-in-trouble","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/563495\/","title":{"rendered":"My Marriage Went Through a Real Rough Patch. I Confided in the Wrong Person, and Now I\u2019m in Trouble."},"content":{"rendered":"

Care and Feeding is Slate\u2019s parenting advice column.\u00a0Have a question for Care and Feeding?\u00a0Submit it here<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Dear Care and Feeding,<\/p>\n

My wife \u201cNala\u201d and I have been married for 20 years.\u00a0In the distant past, I complained to several close, male, long-time friends about certain behaviors of my wife.<\/p>\n

In particular, I told them about my wife\u2019s atrocious treatment of me (e.g., repeatedly throwing me out of the house for days for being mouthy).\u00a0Most listened sympathetically, but one good friend, \u201cAlan,\u201d has gone further and now detests Nala, even though we socialized as a foursome in the past with him and his wife.\u00a0Well, Nala learned about my complaints and Alan\u2019s advocacy of divorce, which I don\u2019t want because our marriage is much better now.\u00a0But Nala is demanding that I end my 48-year friendship with Alan because she thinks it is dangerous to our relationship.\u00a0Is there any way to keep both Alan and Nala?<\/p>\n

\u2014Having to Choose<\/p>\n

Dear Having to Choose,<\/p>\n

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My Toddler Looks Different After a Few Days With My Parents. I\u2019m OK With It, but My Wife Is Furious.
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My Mom Got a Call That I Was in a Horrific Accident. What She Did Next Can\u2019t Be Undone.
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Gently remind your wife that Alan\u2019s distaste for her is directly related to how you relayed your relationship to him; he has judged her based on your past unhappiness due to her behavior (I\u2019m taking you at your word about her \u201catrocious treatment\u201d and assuming that your \u201cmouthy\u201d comments were not, in fact, awful enough to warrant being put out the house).<\/p>\n

Assure her that you feel good about your marriage now and that you no longer complain about her to your friend, but that you do not intend to end a friendship that has lasted nearly half a century because that person had a fair reaction to being told negative information about her. Let her know that you will maintain your connection with him independent of her and assure her that you will not force the two of them to interact. Be understanding of where both your loved ones are coming from; you would likely be uncomfortable with Nala having a friend who encouraged her to leave you, but it\u2019s also hard to expect Alan to ever cheer for your wife after serving as your confidante during the challenging years of your marriage. Is Nala contrite about her past behavior? Is she able to admit that she mistreated you? If not, you may need to do some reflection on ther current state of affairs.<\/p>\n

\u2014Jamilah<\/p>\n

More Parenting Advice From Slate<\/p>\n

My friend and I are both pregnant, and we need your help with a good comeback line. As we all know, pregnant women\u2019s bodies always seem up for grabs in conversation, and no matter how rude we seem to agree this is, for whatever reason it doesn\u2019t stop people from commenting. When it gets close to time to have the actual child, the conversation seems to always get super intrusive: \u201cAre you dilated? How dilated are you?\u201d We think it\u2019s bizarre and rude that people think that just because we are carrying babies, it\u2019s socially acceptable to inquire about how open or closed our CERVIXES are. We are not cattle!<\/a><\/p>\n

Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Care and Feeding is Slate\u2019s parenting advice column.\u00a0Have a question for Care and Feeding?\u00a0Submit it here. Dear Care…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":563496,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[34],"tags":[3005,3006,97,13655],"class_list":{"0":"post-563495","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-health","8":"tag-advice","9":"tag-family","10":"tag-health","11":"tag-marriage"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/563495","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=563495"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/563495\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/563496"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=563495"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=563495"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=563495"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}