But when you\u2019re already dysregulated, it helps to adjust your expectations. As Toni Teixeria<\/a>, licensed clinical social worker at Strong at the Core Counseling<\/a>, put it, \u201cWhen you are already dysregulated, it is often hard to get regulated.\u201d The goal isn\u2019t instant calm. It\u2019s to \u201cbring your thinking brain back online so that you can make the best choice in the situation.\u201d<\/p>\n Vladimir Vladimirov via Getty Images<\/p>\n Getting your body out of “survival mode” is key to staying cool in conflict. <\/p>\n That\u2019s why simple actions matter. In the middle of a fight, \u201cdoing small things is best,\u201d she said, especially because \u201cdoing something complicated or forgetting what to do may increase your frustration.\u201d<\/p>\n And importantly, this isn\u2019t about suppressing what you feel. As Schwartzberg noted, \u201cThese exercises aren\u2019t about suppressing your feelings or \u2018being nice\u2019 when you\u2019re legitimately hurt or angry. They\u2019re about creating enough space between stimulus and response so you can choose how to express yourself instead of just reacting.\u201d<\/p>\n Below are a few quick, physical ways to shift your state just enough to move from reacting to responding.<\/p>\n Take A Small Step Back<\/p>\n This might seem almost too simple, but it\u2019s powerful. By taking a step back in the middle of a conflict, Teixeria said, \u201cYou are physically changing your position to move into a safer state.\u201d It becomes a literal cue to your body that \u201cyou don\u2019t need to fight.\u201d<\/p>\n This simple movement can soften the body\u2019s impulse to stay in \u201cfight\u201d mode by signaling that you don\u2019t need to engage at full intensity. <\/p>\n \u201cResearch on \u2018psychological distancing\u2019 shows that stepping into more of an observer perspective can support emotional regulation,\u201d Teixeria explains. \u201cCreating even a small amount of physical space between you and the stressor gives you a chance to shift your perspective and interrupt the stress cycle, which may help dial down the surge of stress chemicals keeping you in a heightened, reactive state.\u201d<\/p>\n Horse Flutter Breath (Lip Trills)<\/p>\n Schwartzberg calls this her favorite, and for good reason.<\/p>\n The practice is simple, and maybe a little fun. \u201cRelax your lips and blow air through them so they vibrate\/flutter (like a horse snorting or making a \u2018brrrr\u2019 sound).\u201d Let your face soften and continue for a few seconds.<\/p>\n What\u2019s happening underneath is surprisingly powerful. As Schwartzberg explains, \u201cThis technique releases tension in your face and jaw,\u201d which are two places we instinctively tighten during conflict. When those muscles soften, it sends a bottom-up signal of safety to your nervous system.<\/p>\n There\u2019s also a neurological component. According to Schwartzberg, the vibration stimulates the vagus nerve through the facial muscles while creating a gentle \u201cpattern interrupt.\u201d In other words, it disrupts the escalation loop just enough to give you a reset.<\/p>\n And then there\u2019s the human element. \u201cIt\u2019s nearly impossible to stay furious while making horse noises,\u201d she said. That tiny moment of absurdity can add just enough lightness to break the intensity.<\/p>\n Shake It Out<\/p>\n This one might require you to step out of the room for a moment, but can be incredibly effective.<\/p>\n Basically, according to Schwartzberg, you\u2019re going to physically shake your hands, arms, legs, or whole body for 10 to 30 seconds. \u201cLet it be loose, floppy, and uncontrolled,\u201d she said. <\/p>\n Why does it work? \u201cWhen you\u2019re in fight-or-flight, your body is flooded with stress hormones (cortisol, adrenaline) and physical tension. Animals in the wild literally shake after a threat to discharge that energy as a trauma release,\u201d Schwartzberg explains. \u201cHumans need to do this too, but we\u2019ve been socialized to \u2018hold it together.\u2019\u201d <\/p>\n Shaking does the opposite, said Schwartzberg, because \u201cit completes the stress cycle your body started,\u201d allowing that activation to move through instead of getting stuck.<\/p>\n Take A Deep, Audible Sigh<\/p>\n A sigh is more than just an expression \u2015 it\u2019s also a reset. \u201cSighing tends to reset your nervous system,\u201d Teixeira explains, especially because it creates \u201ca longer exhale which helps your parasympathetic nervous system to begin to settle you down.\u201d<\/p>\n Physiologically, \u201ca long, audible exhale helps your heart rate to slow down,\u201d activating the vagus nerve \u2015 your body\u2019s internal calming system \u2015 and helping shift you out of fight-or-flight.<\/p>\n One practical note: Sighing can be misinterpreted. People might confuse your sighing for frustration, which is why Teixeira suggests naming it so it doesn\u2019t escalate things, letting the other person know you\u2019re taking a pause rather than expressing annoyance.<\/p>\n Butterfly Hug (Bilateral Stimulation)<\/p>\n Coming from her work as an EMDR therapist, Schwartzberg said this one is especially useful when conflict feels emotionally overwhelming.<\/p>\n The setup: \u201cCross your arms over your chest\u2026 and slowly alternate tapping your shoulders (left, right, left, right).\u201d<\/p>\n The butterfly hug uses \u201cbilateral stimulation, alternating left-right tapping, to calm the amygdala (your brain\u2019s fear and threat-detection center), and helps the left and right hemispheres of the brain reconnect,\u201d Schwartzberg explains. <\/p>\n In a dysregulated state, those systems aren\u2019t communicating well, said Schwartzberg, because our thinking brain and emotional brain aren\u2019t linking up. The rhythmic left-right tapping helps restore that connection.<\/p>\n There\u2019s also a deeply human layer to it, too. The motion \u201cmimics being rocked or held, which is deeply soothing to your nervous system,\u201d she said. \u201cEspecially if you\u2019re feeling attacked or alone in the conflict.\u201d<\/p>\n Look Around (Orienting)<\/p>\n According to Teixeria, conflict narrows your focus. \u201cWhen there is [perceived] danger we are locked on it,\u201d she said. And in an argument, that \u201cdanger\u201d becomes the other person, and can easily dysregulate our nervous system.<\/p>\n That\u2019s where orienting comes in. \u201cLooking around is a way to send signals to your nervous system that you are safe,\u201d she explains. By scanning your environment, you interrupt that tunnel vision and remind your brain this isn\u2019t a life-or-death situation. You might even repeat: \u201cI am in a room with four walls and a ceiling, not in a life-or-death struggle.\u201d <\/p>\n This, Teixeria said, helps your brain recognize that you\u2019re safe, so you can actually step out of survival mode.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"We\u2019ve all been there. Whether it\u2019s a fight with a partner or a tense moment with a co-worker,…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":574439,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[34],"tags":[1127,24937,97,3007,37164],"class_list":["post-574438","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-health","tag-conflict","tag-emotions","tag-health","tag-relationships","tag-therapy"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/574438","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=574438"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/574438\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/574439"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=574438"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=574438"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=574438"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}![\"Getting](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/69d664bb14000062b286d8f9.jpeg\")
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