{"id":623591,"date":"2026-05-04T20:59:15","date_gmt":"2026-05-04T20:59:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/623591\/"},"modified":"2026-05-04T20:59:15","modified_gmt":"2026-05-04T20:59:15","slug":"ive-discovered-a-hobby-thats-transformed-my-health-my-girlfriend-is-lashing-out-in-a-maddening-way","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/623591\/","title":{"rendered":"I’ve discovered a hobby that’s transformed my health. My girlfriend is lashing out in a maddening way."},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear Prudence is Slate\u2019s advice column.\u00a0Submit questions here<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Dear Prudence,<\/p>\n

My girlfriend and I both had a pretty sedentary lifestyle of too much TV and too much takeout. Despite living close to the largest park in our city, we never biked. I started a new position that was five miles away and had easy access to a local bike trail. I bought a bike and have been traveling that way most days. It has actually been great for my stress reduction, and I have actually slimmed down noticeably.<\/p>\n

My girlfriend keeps making snide comments about it, joking that I am turning into a health nut. She wants to eat out nearly every night now. I mean, not just pizza on the weekend but pizza, pasta, and fast food every night. We used to take walks to the restaurants, but now she just orders DoorDash and gets upset when I complain about the cost. I never mention her weight or tell her to join a gym. I am just tired of the passive-aggressive comments. I tried to address this directly, but that led to a huge fight. I love her, but I am tired of the put-downs here. What should I do?<\/p>\n

\u2014Biking<\/p>\n

Dear Biking,<\/p>\n

You two are only going to get increasingly irritated with each other if you don\u2019t tackle this. I know you\u2019re probably hesitant after that big fight, but that argument\u2014and what it means about both of your feelings\u2014is actually a good place to start the conversation.<\/p>\n

Try something like this: \u201cI\u2019m still thinking about the disagreement we had when I told you I was bothered by your comments and jokes about how I\u2019m a health nut, as well as our butting heads over delivery costs. It feels a little unresolved to me. I know my taking up biking has been a big change for us, so I get it if it\u2019s annoying that I\u2019m approaching food and movement differently. Do you think there\u2019s a way for us to resolve this? It\u2019s important to me because the comments are really letting me down, and I can sense that there\u2019s a lot of tension between us over this stuff. If there\u2019s something I can do\u2014like maybe we could agree to ordering out once a week, and I won\u2019t complain, or we could plan a regular thing to do together that has nothing to do with food or exercise\u2014I\u2019m definitely open to it. I also want to say that unexpectedly losing weight has changed nothing about how I feel about you or this relationship at all. I hope I\u2019m not being presumptuous by bringing that up as a concern, but I am just trying to think of everything, because I really want us to get through this together.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n Please keep questions short (<150 words), and don\u2018t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. Your submission may be used in other Slate advice columns and may be edited for publication.\n <\/p>\n

Dear Prudence,<\/p>\n

My mother-in-law, \u201cJoanne,\u201d is forever bad-mouthing her daughter, \u201cCaroline.\u201d She didn\u2019t approve of my sister-in-law\u2019s career (attorney; Joanne wanted her to be an actress) and is angry that she is 35 and happily single.<\/p>\n

My husband says the relationship between his mother and sister has always been a difficult one, and that I should ignore it because there\u2019s nothing to be done about it. Caroline is a wonderful person, and I\u2019m sick of hearing Joanne ragging on her just because she isn\u2019t living her life the way her mother wants. What\u2019s more, my husband and I have a 3-year-old daughter, and my mother-in-law even disparages Caroline to her! May I tell Joanne to shut up if my husband won\u2019t?<\/p>\n

\u2014Mean Mom<\/p>\n

Dear Mean Mom,<\/p>\n

I have a better plan. When Joanne badmouths Caroline, instead of saying what you think about Joanne or what she should change (\u201cYou\u2019re insufferable and you should shut up\u201d), say what you think\u2014and what you want your 3-year-old to hear. For example:<\/p>\n

MIL: \u201cCaroline has the most boring job in the world, and she\u2019s an old maid!\u201d<\/p>\n

You: [Pleasantly, and lightly faking surprise] \u201cReally? I think it\u2019s awesome that she passed the bar and works on such important cases, and I love that she does so much fun stuff with her free time.\u201d<\/p>\n

You [looking at your daughter]: \u201cIsn\u2019t it cool that different jobs make different people happy? What job do you think seems fun? Garbage collector? Dancer? Teacher? Also, some grown-ups want to live in a house with a husband or wife, and others don\u2019t. Some people like to have a pet. Hmm, what kind of pet would you like to have when you\u2019re a grown-up?\u201d<\/p>\n

You, another day, when you and your daughter are not with Joanne: \u201cYou know who I really love? Auntie Caroline. She\u2019s so kind, and she knows so much. Maybe we can FaceTime her one day, and she can show us her fancy office.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

My First Grader Wet the Bed. Her Reaction to it Haunts Me.
\n <\/a><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

My Boyfriend Turned My Biggest Fantasy Into My Worst Nightmare. I\u2019m This Close to Ending It.
\n <\/a><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve Discovered a Hobby That\u2019s Transformed My Health. My Girlfriend Is Lashing Out in a Maddening Way.
\n <\/a><\/p>\n

You, when she\u2019s school-aged: \u201cHave you noticed that Grandma sometimes says things about Auntie Caroline that aren\u2019t nice? She\u2019s a person who doesn\u2019t like it when people don\u2019t like the same things she likes or make the same choices she would make. But I think it\u2019s fine because we\u2019re all unique and that\u2019s what makes the world interesting. Just so you know, whatever job you choose when you grow up is fine with me. I know you\u2019ll make the right choice for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Some say the way your kids hear you talking about others is the way they will talk and think about themselves. So you have an opportunity to communicate acceptance and appreciation for different choices. And you can avoid labeling Joanne as mean, wrong, or bad. As your daughter\u2019s mom, what you say is so much more important than what other people say\u2014and realistically, she\u2019s going to hear a lot of sentiments you don\u2019t like from friends, teachers, and other adults throughout her life. Putting your energy toward infusing her with your values and shaping the way she sees the world will be much more satisfying than trying to get people who have a different outlook on the world to shut up.<\/p>\n

Classic Prudie<\/p>\n

My ex-wife married a good man immediately after our divorce. Our marriage dissolved under the stress of my career and a need for constant moves. Honestly, we get along better now than we did during most of our marriage. I don\u2019t own my own place, as it would be a waste with me relocating as often as I do. When I see my kids, I usually ended up staying at my ex\u2019s. Our youngest has mobility issues, and it is easier to bring all the children together (mine and my ex\u2019s new kids) than to parcel out separate child care. This arrangement has worked out for the last seven years. Last year, I watched the kids for a week while my ex and her husband went to Hawaii\u2026<\/a><\/p>\n

Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Dear Prudence is Slate\u2019s advice column.\u00a0Submit questions here. Dear Prudence, My girlfriend and I both had a pretty…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":623592,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[34],"tags":[3005,22872,11463,97],"class_list":["post-623591","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-health","tag-advice","tag-dating-and-relationships","tag-dear-prudence","tag-health"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/623591","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=623591"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/623591\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/623592"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=623591"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=623591"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=623591"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}