Three of President Trump\u2019s most alcohol-inclined confidants walk into a bar\u2026<\/p>\n
That was the premise behind the cold open of the May 9 episode of \u201cSaturday Night Live,\u201d which found aggro secretary of war Pete Hegseth (as played the season by Colin Jost) causing trouble at a D.C. area dive bar (\u201cMartin\u2019s Tavern\u201d) alongside Justice Brett Kavanaugh (host Matt Damon) and FBI head Kash Patel (Aziz Ansari, returning for a second week).<\/p>\n
More from Variety<\/p>\n
The three bros chat about how wild it is that Hegseth, who used to do the weather on Fox News Weekends, is now the in charge of the world\u2019s biggest military \u2014 a fact that, indeed, truly bothers Kavanaugh.<\/p>\n
\u201cHey, can I just say we are both kicking ass, right now,\u201d Kavanaugh said to Hegseth, on the same week that he helped dismantle the Voting Rights Act. \u201cDude, can you believe I just like started a war?\u201d Hegseth responded. Added Kavanaugh: \u201cCan you believe I ended abortion? Your body, my choice!\u201d<\/p>\n
Kavanaugh shared a sheet of paper featuring \u201ca new voting district that I approved in Tennessee.. actually, no, that\u2019s, that\u2019s a field sobriety test. They told me to draw a circle.\u201d<\/p>\n
Hegseth then admitted that he was concerned about the fate of his job as it\u2019s tied to the Iran War. \u201cI\u2019m just worried it\u2019s gonna end, you know, it\u2019s kind of like I took a bunch of blue chew and then didn\u2019t bang anyone! Like, okay, I guess I\u2019ll just watch Seinfeld bricked up.\u201d<\/p>\n
Kavanaugh then noted that the real war is male loneliness \u2014 and that\u2019s when their drinking buddy Patel arrived.<\/p>\n
As they bonded, the trio got lost in the sauce, talking alcohol incessantly, from Hegseth\u2019s creation \u201cThe Reverse Irish Car Bomb\u201d to Patel\u2019s custom liquor bottles the real Patel has been allegedly handing it out as gifts.<\/p>\n
\u201cI made my own FBI bourbon with my name on it,\u201d Patel said. \u201cYes, somehow this is a real thing that I, the FBI director, has made.\u201d<\/p>\n
When Patel was asked if the rumor was true that he made everybody in the FBI take a polygraph, the FBI director said, \u201cNo, I told them to make a graph of everyone in the FBI who\u2019s poly. My girlfriend wants to open up our relationship. She says she wants to bring other dudes into the bedroom and for me to stay in the living room.\u201d<\/p>\n
At the end of the sketch, Kavanaugh dropped the big bomb: \u201cSince we\u2019re opening up, can I tell you guys something top secret? We\u2019re gonna let Trump do a third term\u2026 Trump found the original Constitution, and at the end, he wrote, \u2018Psych!\u2019 We\u2019re gonna live forever!\u201d<\/p>\n
This isn\u2019t the first time Damon has played Kavanaugh on \u201cSNL.\u201d On the Season 44 premiere in September 2018, Damon parodied Kavanaugh\u2019s Senate testimony, depicting his belligerence and frequently yelling, referencing beer, among other things \u2014 using many of the actual quotes from the hearing.<\/p>\n
This week\u2019s \u201cSaturday Night Live\u201d is the season\u2019s penultimate episode, with Damon hawking his upcoming blockbuster \u201cThe Odyssey\u201d and Noah Kahan as musical guest.<\/p>\n
Watch the cold open below:<\/p>\n
Best of Variety<\/p>\n
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