{"id":636936,"date":"2026-05-11T17:23:12","date_gmt":"2026-05-11T17:23:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/636936\/"},"modified":"2026-05-11T17:23:12","modified_gmt":"2026-05-11T17:23:12","slug":"best-cut-jokes-from-sex-tape-to-cheating","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/636936\/","title":{"rendered":"Best Cut Jokes, From Sex Tape to Cheating"},"content":{"rendered":"

\n\tOn Sunday night, TV viewers could opt for the latest distressing episode<\/a> of HBO\u2019s \u201cEuphoria<\/a>,\u201d or a lighter affair on Netflix<\/a> in \u201cThe Roast of Kevin Hart<\/a>,\u201d wherein a motley crew of celebs punched down \u2014 literally \u2014 at the diminutive star live from the Kia Forum in Los Angeles.<\/p>\n

\n\tWith roastmaster Shane Gillis<\/a> presiding over the chucklefest, the evening saw retired NFL quarterback and FTX victim Tom Brady get revenge on Hart<\/a> for the jabs he received during the hugely popular \u201cRoast of Tom Brady\u201d two years ago.<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cAll right, this won\u2019t take long, because, as you guys know, I\u2019m a busy man,\u201d cracked Brady. \u201cBut I do have a few words for you before I return to my affairs in Las Vegas. Oh, wait, I\u2019m talking about affairs in Las Vegas. Was that off? Not supposed to talk about affairs in Vegas? I think I broke another rule. Fuck it. I talked about it.\u201d\u00a0(Brady was referring to Hart\u2019s admission that he\u2019d cheated on his then-pregnant wife in Vegas back in 2017.)<\/p>\n

\n\tHart\u2019s pal and frequent co-star Dwayne \u201cThe Rock\u201d Johnson popped by<\/a> to throw a few haymakers at his sexual prowess, saying his wife \u201cdeserves an Academy Award for pretending she likes to fuck you,\u201d while Katt Williams and Hart seemingly reached a d\u00e9tente<\/a> in their years-long beef, with Williams quipping, \u201cBitch, this is my Riyadh Comedy Festival.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\tThere were, however, a number of excellent jokes that didn\u2019t make the final cut. But fortunate for you, dear reader, my good friend \u2014 and one of the funniest people I know \u2014 Madison Sinclair<\/a> was one of the comedy writers hired to cook up jokes for the various actors, musicians and comics who participated in \u201cThe Roast of Kevin Hart.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\tHere are some of her best jokes that didn\u2019t make the roast:<\/p>\n

\t\tDRAYMOND GREEN\t<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cDraymond Green is a lot like Megan Thee Stallion: They\u2019re famous for letting other people shoot and he hasn\u2019t been the same since Klay Thompson left.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cDraymond is so cute \u2014 he has that thing where his mouth is always a little open. That\u2019s one of the things he and Chelsea have in common.\u201d<\/p>\n

\t\tLIZZO\t<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cLizzo broke barriers when she danced as a stripper in \u2018Hustlers,\u2019 mostly because they weren\u2019t properly enforced.\u201d<\/p>\n

\t\tSHANE GILLIS\t<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cShane Gillis<\/a> only lasted two weeks in basic training. The closest he\u2019s come to becoming a veteran is his views on Asians.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cShane turned down during the Riyadh Comedy Festival because he has integrity\u2026 and he can\u2019t go 48 hours without a drink.\u201d<\/p>\n

\t\tTONY HINCHCLIFFE\t<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cTony has the license plate iRoast, which is what we all hope for every time he gets behind the wheel.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cTony is like Melania: The only thing relevant about him is that he opened for Trump once.\u201d<\/p>\n

\t\tCHELSEA HANDLER\t<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cYou might know Chelsea from being on E! for over a decade\u2026 she also had a famous talk show for a while.\u201d<\/p>\n

\t\tKEVIN HART\t<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cKevin is one of the few comedians without a single allegation. When he found out about the MeToo movement he was shocked. He was like, people are saying no to things?!\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cDid you know that Kevin actually has a nonprofit for organ donation called \u2018Heartless?\u2019 That\u2019s not true. But doesn\u2019t that sound like some dumb shit he would do?\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cIf Kevin can make a pun with the word \u2018heart\u2019 in it, he will spend millions to develop a shitty business around it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cKevin, thank you so much for being here tonight. I know you have such a busy schedule with stand-up\u2026 movies\u2026 sitting on that shelf every Christmas.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cKevin, I was so disappointed when you did the Riyadh Comedy Festival because on a human-rights level no one should be forced to listen to your comedy sober.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cKevin, you are so talented \u2014 but you are the worst cheater. With your build, I assumed you\u2019d be better at sneaking around.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cKevin Hart is such a sell-out even his sex tape had commercial breaks.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cKevin Hart is always on the worst platforms: Quibi, Tubi, the ones he puts on when he argues with his wife.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cKevin said he was only joking when he said he would throw a doll house at a gay child. But we invited Tony [Hinchcliffe] here tonight just to make sure.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cKevin, why were you hooking up with women in cars? If you wanted to cheat and get away with it, you should have gone somewhere desolate, a no man\u2019s land, somewhere no one would ever go by any means necessary\u2026 like Hart House on La Brea.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\tYou can catch Madison Sinclair live on May 14th at The Loony Bin in Tulsa<\/a>, and May 16th at the Dallas Comedy Club<\/a>.<\/p>\n