{"id":679769,"date":"2026-06-02T12:17:11","date_gmt":"2026-06-02T12:17:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/679769\/"},"modified":"2026-06-02T12:17:11","modified_gmt":"2026-06-02T12:17:11","slug":"dating-advice-my-boyfriend-left-me-for-dead-in-his-apartment-im-not-sure-i-can-ever-look-at-him-the-same-way","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/679769\/","title":{"rendered":"Dating advice: My boyfriend left me for dead in his apartment. I’m not sure I can ever look at him the same way."},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear Prudence is Slate\u2019s advice column.\u00a0Submit questions here<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Dear Prudence,<\/p>\n

I have been with my current boyfriend for about eight months now. He seems kind and caring, but I have started questioning this relationship after a scary incident. Although we don\u2019t live together, I often stay over at his apartment.<\/p>\n

Recently, a man who shot someone on the street was running away from the police and broke into my boyfriend\u2019s place while trying to escape. This was in the early hours of the morning, and my boyfriend was already up having his coffee while I was still asleep. When he heard the commotion and realized someone was breaking in through the back door, he ran out the front door. He did not try to wake me up or even warn me; he just ran. I ended up stuck with an armed and dangerous person in an apartment, surrounded by police. I locked myself in the bathroom until the police apprehended the person and released me.<\/p>\n

Only later did I put together what happened. My boyfriend had many excuses: he acted on instinct, he tried to get back in, but the police wouldn\u2019t let him, etc. But his instinct was to leave me there. I feel crushed and want to end the relationship, but I am also wondering if I am judging him too harshly. How many of us actually get tested that way? I am not even sure how I would have behaved in his shoes. Is this a massive red flag? Should I leave?<\/p>\n

\u2014Left for Dead<\/p>\n

Dear Left for Dead,<\/p>\n

Yes, this is a massive red flag. Yes, you should leave. Don\u2019t take it from me: Test it out on a couple of friends, or even poll strangers on the internet. \u201cDuring a home invasion, my boyfriend ran to safety without alerting me or even waking me. What do you think about that?\u201d Write down their responses and refer back to them if you ever don\u2019t trust your own gut.<\/p>\n

But of course you don\u2019t really need them\u2014or even me\u2014to affirm the fairness of having a negative reaction to something another person did, even if they did it in an unexpected and terrifying scenario. Because, remember, you\u2019re not going to have to go before a judge and argue that this incident meets the criteria for a justified breakup. There\u2019s no romantic authority who will get back to you in seven to 10 business days with a verdict about whether this was a relationship-terminating event. You really, truly, as hard as it can be to believe, get to end things simply because you want to. \u201cI don\u2019t feel the same way about them anymore\u201d is an acceptable reason, whether it\u2019s based on the way a person chewed gum, the weird way their pillowcases smelled,\u00a0 the fact that you mysteriously lost the feelings you once had for them, or the fact that they left you for dead.<\/p>\n

If a relationship, for whatever reason, no longer makes you feel the way you want to feel, you get to leave it without any penalty. Besides, even if it\u2019s something extremely petty and unfairly critical that gives you the ick (to be clear, what you describe in your letter doesn\u2019t fit into that category), your partner deserves to be with someone who sees them in a positive light. Maybe there\u2019s someone out there who would have thought, \u201cHow great of him to save himself. He knows I hate to have my sleep disturbed and that I\u2019m ready to die whenever it\u2019s my time, and he really put my needs first.\u201d But that person is certainly not you.<\/p>\n

\n Please keep questions short (<150 words), and don\u2018t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. Your submission may be used in other Slate advice columns and may be edited for publication.\n <\/p>\n

Dear Prudence,<\/p>\n

I\u2019m very allergic to dogs. Yes, even your very cute dog; yes, even well-behaved dogs; no, it doesn\u2019t mean I hate them; yes, I\u2019ve consulted with an allergist because people love dogs and they\u2019re everywhere. I once had to request to work on a separate floor because a co-worker had a seizure alert dog for her safety. The process was horrible, both emotionally and office-politics-wise for us both. I use an air purifier and take antihistamines already for my lower-intensity regular allergies. I specifically rent in a small building with a strict no-pets policy, and it\u2019s been great for me until now.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been here for three years, and recently noticed a massive uptick in allergy symptoms at home. I couldn\u2019t figure out why I was so miserable, and even had my first allergy-caused emergency room visit in years. Then I found out my neighbors have a large, new dog. Their adult daughter was having instability and left her dog with them for the foreseeable future. I feel bad for them, and for \u201cFluffy.\u201d He\u2019s quiet and well-behaved. But even one dog\u2019s worth of dander in the hallways, the air vents between our units, etc., is horrible for me. How do I politely but firmly request that they don\u2019t keep Fluffy here? Or should I just snitch to the landlord? I know they didn\u2019t choose this, but I didn\u2019t either.<\/p>\n

\u2014Allergic But Not Heartless<\/p>\n

Dear Allergic But Not Heartless,<\/p>\n

I appreciate your wanting to talk to the neighbors one-on-one, and in an alternate, utopic universe, where your allergies weren\u2019t so severe, perhaps they could\u2019ve accommodated you by investing in their own air purifier and a special shampoo, and using the stairwell to exit the building instead of the elevator.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\n Jen\u00e9e Desmond-Harris
\n My Boyfriend Works for the Department of War. It Might Be a Deal-Breaker.
\n Read More\n <\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

But you had to go to the emergency room. I\u2019m assuming you could have died! I\u2019m sorry about your neighbors, but it\u2019s not as if adhering to the building\u2019s pet policy means their daughter won\u2019t be able to get her life back on track or that the dog will have to be euthanized. It just means they\u2019ll all need to figure out a place for him to stay where his presence won\u2019t stop someone from breathing. Your health matters more than your concern for your neighbor\u2019s situation. Tell the landlord.<\/p>\n

Prudie Wants to Hear From You!<\/p>\n

Readers often have great suggestions for our letter writers, occasionally disagree with a point Prudie makes, or simply want to provide some additional advice. Each week, Prudie will be replying to some of these comments and suggestions from readers, which will be featured on the site on Fridays for\u00a0Slate Plus<\/a>\u00a0members.\u00a0Write to us!<\/a>\u00a0Or submit a question here.<\/a><\/p>\n

Dear Prudence,<\/p>\n

My sister forgets every birthday. I love giving gifts (to the point it is probably self-serving!). She also has far less disposable income than I am lucky to have. (I don\u2019t think this is why she forgets, since on the odd occasion that she has remembered, she\u2019s always sent very thoughtful, handmade gifts from her children and things of the like).<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

I\u2019m the Only Family My Brother\u2019s Widow Has Left. But What She\u2019s Asking For Is Way Too Much.
\n <\/a><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve Just Learned About My Boyfriend\u2019s Top-Secret Job. I\u2019ve Been Protesting Against What He Does for Years.
\n <\/a><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

My Kid Has Discovered a Rare Childhood Rite of Passage. My Neighbor Is Determined to Ruin It.
\n <\/a><\/p>\n

Is it still OK for me to send her and her children nice presents (she is divorced, so no partner to consider at the moment)? I don\u2019t want to look like I\u2019m being flashy or showy, but I love buying them presents. We also live in different countries, so it\u2019s a chance for me to send them things they might not normally get. I\u00a0 don\u2019t want to make her feel bad or regretful in any way that she doesn\u2019t reciprocate. In the past, gifts have been well received. I just don\u2019t want any hard feelings.<\/p>\n

\u2014To Give or Not to Give<\/p>\n

Dear to Give or Not to Give,<\/p>\n

It seems you\u2019re imagining how you would feel if you were the one forgetting gifts. But you\u2019re looking at this from a thoughtful, conscientious, organized person\u2019s perspective. Your sister has a different brain.<\/p>\n

The same qualities that make her forget to send you gifts most of the time very likely also mean she\u2019s not keeping great records of who sent what and when. The fact that she\u2019s scatterbrained, overwhelmed, or just extremely busy means she misses occasions, and also means she probably hasn\u2019t even thought about whether you two are gift-giving equally. I love that she gives thoughtfully when she can, that she appreciates what you send her and her children, and that you aren\u2019t as concerned about equality as much as you are with protecting her feelings. I think your current arrangement is fine. Put another package in the mail.<\/p>\n

Classic Prudie<\/p>\n

My new wife, \u201cBrenda,\u201d and I are supposed to be on our honeymoon but instead, she is sharing her bed with someone else. I know it sounds ridiculous, but should I be worried? She is extremely close to her best friend, \u201cSadie\u201d\u2014they were young women together in the city. Their friendship involves sleepovers, and sometimes Brenda would spend the night with Sadie instead of me.<\/a><\/p>\n

Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Dear Prudence is Slate\u2019s advice column.\u00a0Submit questions here. Dear Prudence, I have been with my current boyfriend for…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":679770,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[34],"tags":[3005,22872,11463,97],"class_list":["post-679769","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-health","tag-advice","tag-dating-and-relationships","tag-dear-prudence","tag-health"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/679769","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=679769"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/679769\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/679770"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=679769"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=679769"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=679769"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}