{"id":686040,"date":"2026-06-05T13:44:08","date_gmt":"2026-06-05T13:44:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/686040\/"},"modified":"2026-06-05T13:44:08","modified_gmt":"2026-06-05T13:44:08","slug":"my-husband-wants-a-divorce-for-a-good-reason-im-on-board-except-for-one-requirement","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/686040\/","title":{"rendered":"My Husband Wants a Divorce for a Good Reason. I\u2019m on Board, Except for One Requirement."},"content":{"rendered":"

Our advice columnists have heard it all over the years\u2014so we\u2019re diving into the Pay Dirt archives to share classic letters with our readers.\u00a0Submit your own questions about money here<\/a>. (It\u2019s anonymous!)\u00a0<\/p>\n

Dear Pay Dirt,<\/p>\n

My husband \u201cJosh\u201d and I were both widowed young and didn\u2019t remarry until our respective kids were in their 20s. I\u2019ve always gotten along with my stepkids well but never been super close. Josh has always had a progressive illness, but it\u2019s been well managed until recently. According to his doctors, we\u2019re looking at approximately two years of very expensive and very painful care with a narrow chance of stabilizing\u2014but likely hospice in the end. Josh wants us to divorce so that we can protect our assets from his soon-to-be-unpayable medical bills, with a strong written agreement about how he will continue to live in our home, etc. to protect him. Our financial advisor and lawyers agree that we can make this happen, but there\u2019s one sticking point: He refuses to tell his kids.<\/p>\n

They know he\u2019s very sick, and I think they deserve to know, but he claims it\u2019s too private. I don\u2019t want them to find out by accident or think I somehow hurt their dad in his time of need. How do I approach this?<\/p>\n

\u2014Soon to Be Divorcee<\/p>\n

Dear Soon to Be Divorcee,<\/p>\n

First off, my heart goes out to your family, because this is an absolutely gut-wrenching decision to live with. I agree with your reasoning regarding protecting your assets from seizure, but I strongly disagree with not telling the kids about the divorce.<\/p>\n

They will end up finding out eventually, and you will be the one left holding the bag of their resentment. Even though you know the truth, how could you sway them to believe that divorce was\u00a0his\u00a0idea? If I was in their shoes, there\u2019s no way in the world I would believe you, and that could end up ruining your relationship with your stepkids forever.<\/p>\n

I know your husband\u2019s heart is in the right place because he\u2019s doing this in an effort to protect his kids, but he\u2019s not looking at the big picture. He may think this is private, but divorce isn\u2019t really a private issue, because people can often look it up in public records to see if one occurred. You need to do everything in your power to get him to see the light, otherwise, he\u2019s going to hurt a whole lot of people unnecessarily.<\/p>\n

\u2014Doyin Richards<\/p>\n

From: My Husband Has Astronomical Medical Bills, But We\u2019ve Conjured A Scheme To Avoid Them<\/a>. (January 25th, 2023).<\/p>\n

\n Please keep questions short (<150 words), and don\u2018t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. Your submission may be used in other Slate advice columns and may be edited for publication.\n <\/p>\n

Dear Pay Dirt,<\/p>\n

My daughter has been dating the same guy for three years and they now have a child who will be 2 in a couple of months. All that time he\u2019s lived here and has only had a job twice at the same company, which he got fired from. He hasn\u2019t worked since October but tells me he\u2019s looking for a job. She goes to work a couple of days a week and they pay no rent. They pay for their own food and car insurance. My daughter does not make a lot of money. She\u2019s a hostess at a restaurant, but I am tired of supporting two grown adults and a baby beside myself. I forgot to mention that I\u2019m on a pension. How do I get out of this?<\/p>\n

\u2014Tired of It All<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\n Jen\u00e9e Desmond-Harris
\n Help! My Husband Just Seriously Violated Me in Front of Our Children. He Doesn\u2019t Think He\u2019s Done Anything Wrong.
\n Read More\n <\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Dear Tired of It All,<\/p>\n

The best way to get out of this situation is with a strong dosage of tough love. I\u2019m not saying you need to cut off your daughter and her partner immediately, but they need to be put on notice right away.<\/p>\n

You should give them three months\u2019 notice to find stable employment and a place to live (or start paying rent to you) or else they will need to move out. Yes, I know that\u2019s harsh\u2014but they are grown adults, not children, and you shouldn\u2019t enable them to be free-loaders. The other alternative is for them to drain your pension while you deal with a boatload of resentment, and I know you don\u2019t want that.<\/p>\n

You may feel guilty for being heavy-handed, but I promise that you\u2019re doing them a favor in the long run. Don\u2019t waiver on this decision, no matter how bad you feel. Three months is a generous amount of time to get the ball rolling.<\/p>\n

\u2014D.R.<\/p>\n

From: My Adult Daughter And Her Boyfriend Are Mooching Off My Pension. <\/a>(January 25th, 2023).<\/p>\n

Dear Pay Dirt,<\/p>\n

My lovely 19-year-old daughter really wants a nose job. She wants one as her nose (my family nose) is a bit big and bumpy. My wife and I don\u2019t believe that she needs the surgery and find the thought of it scary and distasteful. We are also quite appalled by the thought of spending such a significant sum on a pointless vanity project.<\/p>\n

We are mostly supporting her through university, and she has some savings (gifted from her grandparents years ago). It is a lot of money, more than we would currently spend on some long desired home improvements\/holidays. She has enough independent finances to be able to afford a \u201ctravel surgery\u201d in an unregulated market, which is the riskiest solution. She has asked us to fund the surgery near home.<\/p>\n

We are instinctively saying no, but\u2026 I don\u2019t want to use my relative wealth\/power to control her. We have supported her through hair dyeing, contact lenses, and dental braces. I am not sure whether nose surgery is really that different. Is it?<\/p>\n

\u2014You Want Me to Pay for What?<\/p>\n

Dear Pay for What,<\/p>\n

How medically significant were the dental braces? Some tooth alignment is almost entirely about aesthetics, and some are more about addressing misalignment that causes or may cause issues with jaw pain, chewing, the ability to keep the teeth clean, etc. Also, is there any evidence of a deviated septum or other medical reason to undergo this surgery? Depending on the answers to those questions, braces and rhinoplasty might be pretty similar, or pretty different. Hair dye is clearly different, based on cost, temporary nature, and the fact that it doesn\u2019t involve surgery. And contact lenses seem much closer to hair dye than a nose job.<\/p>\n

Even if your daughter\u2019s desire to change her nose is entirely about aesthetics, though, resist the temptation to dismiss this as \u201ca pointless vanity project.\u201d It would be really lovely if we lived in a society where what people look like didn\u2019t matter. But it does, in many different ways, which are generally more significant for women. This is likely a lot more complex than vanity.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Help! My Husband Just Seriously Violated Me in Front of Our Children. He Doesn\u2019t Think He\u2019s Done Anything Wrong.
\n <\/a><\/p>\n


\n This Content is Available for Slate Plus members only<\/p>\n

I Just Discovered the Truth About the Beginnings of My Relationship. I\u2019m Devastated.
\n <\/a><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

My Son Is Very Bright. What His Teacher Has Him Doing With the Dumb Kids Is Outrageous.
\n <\/a><\/p>\n

Your daughter is 19\u2014a legal adult. What she does with her face, and her money is her decision. If she wants this surgery and is aware of the risks associated with traveling for an operation, that is her choice to make. But you might ask her about her risk assessment. Language proficiency is one factor that seems likely to pop up. Having a smooth consultation with a doctor who isn\u2019t a native speaker of your native language is one thing. Having a successful interaction with an airport worker or a waiter in a language that you don\u2019t natively speak is a similar kind of thing. Needing to articulate something complicated and hard to describe, such as \u201cMy veins feel like they\u2019re on fire, like an itching burn,\u201d when your brain is foggy is an\u00a0entirely different scenario\u00a0and translation apps have a way of failing when situations are sticky. Rather than lay several concerns out for her, ask questions designed to help her think through all the possibilities she may not be seeing, such as whether the facility she\u2019s considering has translators available at all hours.<\/p>\n

If your daughter is framing your denial of her request as you trying to control her, do take some time to consider whether you\u00a0have\u00a0controlled her that way in the past, and address that if necessary. But I\u2019m not seeing signs of control in your letter. If she decides she\u2019d rather have the surgery in the country she lives in, she can continue to save up. And if you\u2019re worried about her recovering from surgery alone, consider offering to take a vacation to the same region during the time of the procedure.<\/p>\n

\u2014Jessica Stoya<\/p>\n

From: I\u2019m Not Sure Funding My Daughter\u2019s Nose Job Is Really All That Different From Braces<\/a>. (January 24th, 2023).<\/p>\n

More Money Advice From Slate<\/p>\n

We had kids late in life, and people cannot stop telling us we \u201cwill never be able to retire.\u201d\u00a0I used to laugh it off.\u00a0But we grew up with little money, so I\u2019m beginning to wonder if there is something we don\u2019t understand about paying for college.\u00a0We are 50-year-olds with a 4- and a 6-year-old.\u00a0I\u2019d like to retire at 60 or 62 at the latest.<\/a><\/p>\n

Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Our advice columnists have heard it all over the years\u2014so we\u2019re diving into the Pay Dirt archives to…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":686041,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[34],"tags":[3005,3006,97,147,6843],"class_list":["post-686040","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-health","tag-advice","tag-family","tag-health","tag-personal-finance","tag-slate-plus"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/686040","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=686040"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/686040\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/686041"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=686040"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=686040"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=686040"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}