When we were together, I ran into many people I hadn\u2019t seen in a long time. He would laugh about it and he always mentioned how popular I was. He said I was a connector, that I knew how to bring people together. I took it as a compliment because I\u2019m an introvert. I\u2019ve lived here for 30 years compared with his two years, so of course I was going to run into old acquaintances.<\/p>\n
Most Read from MarketWatch<\/p>\n
Later, though, I read an article geared toward financial planners \u2014 not on MarketWatch, but somewhere in Apple News \u2014 that recommended you shouldn\u2019t spend your time chasing leads. Instead, you should spend your time with people who already have connections. After reading that, my friend\u2019s description of me as a connector took on a different meaning.<\/p>\n
Another tip-off for me about our friendship was that he never mentioned politics or religion. Is it really possible to spend time with someone every week for two years and not know what they think about Joe Biden and Donald Trump? Of course, I didn\u2019t share my politics with him either, because I really enjoyed not having to have an opinion about all that mess. I also hoped he would eventually reveal his true opinions instead of telling me what he thought I wanted to hear.<\/p>\n
Still Reluctant to Enter the Friendzone<\/p>\n
Related: \u2018It feels slimy\u2019: My friend offered to be my adviser, but didn\u2019t tell me he\u2019s paid to push financial products. Can I trust him?<\/a><\/p>\n The longer you live, the more likely you are to realize that not everyone is on the up and up. – MarketWatch illustration<\/p>\n Dear Reluctant,<\/p>\n It\u2019s not unusual for a private members\u2019 club to be a politics-free zone.<\/p>\n I agree that if you are genuinely friends with someone and you are living in a time of political change, it might come up from time to time. But the fact that your golf buddy never discussed any political topic could merely mean that people are there to golf. While it\u2019s not uncommon for members of a golf or country club to avoid partisan issues when socializing \u2014 it\u2019s nice to leave all that toxicity at the gates \u2014 it does seem like he might have been playing the role of a supportive and agreeable friend\/acquaintance, and benefiting from your social network.<\/p>\n People will tell you who they are regardless, even and especially in jest. The fact that he noticed you were a popular character in and out of the golf club, and knew a lot of people who might benefit from his expertise (and commission-based advice) is another \u201ctell.\u201d He was smart enough to give you a compliment, which can often help solidify a friendship. But you were astute enough to put that into context and note that your connections were being monitored. People can say anything, but their actions speak volumes.<\/p>\n The other takeaway from your golfing experience is relevant to all relationships, whether professional or personal. If your instincts are telling you that something is off, listen to them. We pick up on all sorts of signals: the loquacious laughter of a client or colleague buttering us up for a future favor, or the fleeting shadow that crosses a friend\u2019s face when we share good news \u2014 a new home, a new job, or a promotion. The longer you live, the more likely you are to realize that not everyone has your best interests at heart.<\/p>\n Your inner Jiminy Cricket<\/p>\n I\u2019m glad that you noticed the big signs, including how they speak about others. It\u2019s something that they didn\u2019t mention, but feels like a breach of trust. This applies to anyone who is choosing to go into business with a friend or acquaintance or deciding to get married, which could be the most important and most expensive decision you could ever make. If there\u2019s something not quite right, listen to what your body tells you because your body will oftentimes clock the true motivations of the individual before your brain does. Listen to that inner Jiminy Cricket.<\/p>\n Once upon a time, a friend in New York who runs a venture-capital firm specializing in healthcare, met a dynamic young entrepreneur who came to him with a brilliant idea. On paper, that idea could revolutionize healthcare diagnoses and reduce costs exponentially. It seemed like a wild and wonderful opportunity. While many other brilliant minds said yes to investing, he declined. I asked him why he said no. \u201cSomething didn\u2019t feel right,\u201d he said. \u201cShe could not explain how it worked.\u201d Elizabeth Holmes, founder of Theranos, walked out of his office empty-handed.<\/p>\n What\u2019s the main clause? It\u2019s possible to be an ethical adviser or real-estate agent or lawyer or candlestickmaker and play golf with people because you enjoy their company and\/or because you share a similar outlook on life and friendship. But it\u2019s crucial to trust your gut. Being entrusted to manage somebody else\u2019s money is a privilege. Whether or not your former golf buddy would have made you more money than you make when managing your own investments is largely irrelevant. You felt used, and you believed he was hiding a part of himself to stay in your good graces.<\/p>\n If you see him on the 19th hole, tip your golf hat and move on.<\/p>\n Related: \u2018It is such a fine line\u2019: I am a CFP and see nothing wrong with networking on the golf course. Am I wrong?<\/a><\/p>\n More columns from Quentin Fottrell:<\/p>\n \u2018I feel like I\u2019m living a lie\u2019: My husband and I pretend we\u2019re strapped for cash in front of friends. Is that bad?<\/a><\/p>\n![\"The](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/5739fe154e7bec5f941161b4e7244787.jpeg\"\/)
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