{"id":739366,"date":"2026-07-02T17:48:09","date_gmt":"2026-07-02T17:48:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/739366\/"},"modified":"2026-07-02T17:48:09","modified_gmt":"2026-07-02T17:48:09","slug":"the-20-things-in-sports-i-only-wish-i-could-declare-independence-from-this-year","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/739366\/","title":{"rendered":"The 20 things in sports I only wish I could declare independence from this year"},"content":{"rendered":"

Happy Independence Day weekend!<\/p>\n

Sorry, did I say happy? I meant unhappy, of course.<\/p>\n

Think of me as a rain-soaked parade, a fizzled sparkler and a one-man revolution against the unfettered enjoyment of sports.<\/p>\n

In honor of the holiday, I give you a list of all the things from which I only wish it were possible to declare independence.<\/p>\n

Caitlin Clark haters: It\u2019s OK to admit she\u2019s a great player and that the WNBA<\/a> is lucky to have her. It won\u2019t detract from anybody else, nor will you spontaneously combust. Get a grip.<\/p>\n

Caitlin Clark apologists: It\u2019s OK to admit she isn\u2019t perfect and that the WNBA has other players who are just as good, if not better. The world isn\u2019t out to get her, nor does she benefit from your mean-spirited cheerleading. Have a Maid-Rite sandwich or a Hoosier Pie and chill the heck out.<\/p>\n

\u201cG.O.A.T.\u201d calls: Nothing says \u201cI have the vocabulary of a 12-year-old and the critical-thinking skills of a fire hydrant\u201d quite like yet another superficial, stultifying argument about who\u2019s the greatest of all time. Besides, we all know it\u2019s Luc Longley.<\/p>\n

Statheads: Tell you what, analytics nerds, if I ever want to know what xwOBA is, I\u2019ll yank my underwear up and give myself an atomic wedgie.<\/p>\n

Beer snakes: You see empty-cup monsters slithering throughout the Wrigley Field bleachers. I see untold thousands in concession sales that won\u2019t be poured into improving the Cubs<\/a>\u2019 bullpen.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\"Milwaukee<\/p>\n

CHICAGO, ILLINOIS – AUGUST 21: Fans make a \u2018beer snake\u2019 during the seventh inning between the Chicago Cubs and the Milwaukee Brewers at Wrigley Field on August 21, 2025 in Chicago, Illinois. (Photo by Michael Reaves\/Getty Images) ORG XMIT: 776269499<\/p>\n

Fake news: Just because your old high school teammate Earl shared an inflammatory sports headline on Facebook from a source you\u2019d never heard of until three seconds ago, it doesn\u2019t mean the story is true. On the other hand, maybe Caleb Williams<\/a> really is considering skipping the last two weeks of training camp to film \u201cLove Is Blind, Season 847.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHit pieces\u201d: Believe it or not, online babies, not all stories or columns that you disagree with are direct attacks on your favorite player, your favorite team and your way of life. Most of them, sure, but not all.<\/p>\n

Soccer dives: By the 1,500th one you\u2019ve seen in three weeks of World Cup<\/a> action, a nice, old-fashioned broken leg doesn\u2019t sound half bad.<\/p>\n

Serial transferers: When is enough enough, three schools? Four? Once college athletes\u2019 academic transcripts start to look more like passports, all charm is utterly lost.<\/p>\n

\u201cWoah\u201d: For the love of God, it\u2019s \u201cwhoa.\u201d<\/p>\n

6-7: If you\u2019re beyond middle school and still doing this nonsensical arm gesture, just know they\u2019re laughing at you, not with you.<\/p>\n

Fights in the stands: Yo, bro, if you\u2019re so starved for connection that you\u2019re willing to bash a stranger in the face simply to be part of a potential viral moment, now you know why so few of your fellow adults ever seem to take you seriously.<\/p>\n

Gambling-sponsored studio-show segments: It\u2019s bad enough that sports teams and leagues have sold their souls, but do we really have to watch the TV bobbleheads pretend to have opinions on whether or not Joe Rando is going to hit a double tonight?<\/p>\n

Streaming NFL games: Look, if we\u2019re going to have to keep finding our way to Amazon Prime, the least there could be when we get there is a movie about a giant anaconda hunting and eating Aaron Rodgers.<\/p>\n

Encore broadcasts on Marquee, CHSN: I resent the implication that I\u2019m smart enough to figure out within half an hour that the game I\u2019m watching isn\u2019t happening live.<\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s go!\u201d: That also goes for its black-sheep cousin, \u201cLet\u2019s [bleeping] go!\u201d Who\u2019s going to be the first athlete in at least 10 years to yell something other than those words after making a big play?<\/p>\n

Student-section oppression: Because colleges<\/a> weren\u2019t already greedy enough, now they\u2019re jamming students into tighter spaces at games so they can add more suites for fat cats and jack up ticket prices everywhere else. Saturdays in the fall ain\u2019t what they used to be.<\/p>\n

The Big 250: No, not years since the Declaration of Independence was adopted. Rather, homers whalloped by Kyle Schwarber since the Cubs non-tendered him amid (ahem) \u201cbiblical\u201d pandemic losses. God bless America, that one still stings.<\/p>\n

\u201cYour a hack, Greenberg\u201d: I don\u2019t mind you ripping me, but would it kill you to at least spell the easy words right?<\/p>\n

Know-it-all columnists: Believe me when I tell you, they are the worst.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Happy Independence Day weekend! Sorry, did I say happy? I meant unhappy, of course. Think of me as…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":739367,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[73],"tags":[99,434],"class_list":["post-739366","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-wnba","tag-sports","tag-wnba"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/739366","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=739366"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/739366\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/739367"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=739366"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=739366"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=739366"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}