{"id":746456,"date":"2026-07-06T12:53:10","date_gmt":"2026-07-06T12:53:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/746456\/"},"modified":"2026-07-06T12:53:10","modified_gmt":"2026-07-06T12:53:10","slug":"marriage-advice-my-husband-is-ignoring-his-doctors-warnings-it-could-mean-life-or-death","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/746456\/","title":{"rendered":"Marriage advice: My husband is ignoring his doctor’s warnings. It could mean life or death."},"content":{"rendered":"

Sign up for the Slatest<\/a> to get the most insightful analysis, criticism, and advice out there, delivered to your inbox daily.<\/p>\n

Dear Prudence is Slate\u2019s advice column.\u00a0Submit questions here<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Dear Prudence,<\/p>\n

I need tips on how to get rid of my anger toward my husband about a healthcare choice he has made. My husband is 70 and was recently diagnosed with intermediate-stage prostate cancer. All tests have shown that it has not spread.<\/p>\n

He wants to have surgery to remove the prostate, but wants to wait a year to do so. Understandably, he is very concerned about the side effects from surgery (incontinence and erectile dysfunction). The doctors say that waiting a year is a reasonable choice, but warn that the cancer could spread, and then surgery would no longer be an option.<\/p>\n

The irony is that if he has the surgery now, the chance of side effects is lower. I accept that it is his body and his choice. However, I am angry and anxious about the cancer spreading. I want to be a supportive spouse, but those emotions are getting hard to hide. He knows I have concerns about his decision.<\/p>\n

\u2014Struggling Wife<\/p>\n

Dear Struggling Wife,<\/p>\n

You\u2019ve told your husband that you have concerns, but what about telling him you\u2019re scared of losing him, and angry that he\u2019s making a decision that could cut his life and your relationship short? I think it would feel good to be really honest. If the conversations make you cry, even better! It will be a release.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not like you\u2019re annoyed that he\u2019s wasting an inheritance on a sports car, or concerned that he\u2019s not mowing the lawn on the agreed-upon schedule. This is truly a life-or-death situation, and it\u2019s OK to treat it as such. I\u2019m sure he has his own fears (surgery, side effects, etc.). You should take them seriously. But being honest about how upset you are can go hand in hand with accepting that the decision about how to proceed is ultimately his. It\u2019s better for both of you if he makes it with a full understanding of its implications for his health and for the person he loves.<\/p>\n

If he insists on postponing his surgery, you could do a couple of things to cope. First, urge him to ask his doctor about anything he can do in terms of diet, exercise, or supplements to increase his chances of a good outcome. Second, embrace your fear of losing him and let it be a reminder that we are all going to die of something, someday. So if the cancer does spread during this year and his prognosis is bleak, what are the things you\u2019d want to do with him or say to him? How much more would you appreciate every healthy moment? You can start now.<\/p>\n

\n Please keep questions short (<150 words), and don\u2018t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. Your submission may be used in other Slate advice columns and may be edited for publication.\n <\/p>\n

Dear Prudence,<\/p>\n

I\u2019m stuck in what has got to be the world\u2019s stupidest dispute with my wife. We\u2019ve got an attic full of old stuff we don\u2019t use or need anymore. I want to have a garage sale to earn a little extra money and donate anything that doesn\u2019t get sold. My wife says garage sales are \u201ctacky\u201d and that we need to donate everything because selling unwanted items when there are people in need is \u201cselfish.\u201d At this point, I\u2019m fed up with her! Plenty of our neighbors have held garage sales, and they didn\u2019t end up as pariahs. Please tell me she\u2019s full of shit.<\/p>\n

\u2014Garage Sale Grumbling<\/p>\n

Dear Garage Sale Grumbling,<\/p>\n

Did this letter somehow take an especially long time to make it to my inbox after being sent in 1998? The garage sale tackiness should be a non-issue: Post the stuff on Facebook Marketplace, NextDoor, or OfferUp.<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t weigh in on whether your household needs the money from an old chest of drawers, but I can say that whatever you think it\u2019s worth is probably a lot less than you\u2019ll get for it. It\u2019s also worth considering that donating isn\u2019t always as easy as it sounds. Different organizations place limits on the items they\u2019ll accept, and it\u2019s rare to find one that will handle the pickup. So a reasonable compromise would involve seeing what stuff in the attic would be appropriate to drop off at a nonprofit that collects items for people who really need them. Clean up those items and let your wife enjoy the warm, fuzzy feeling that comes with giving them away. Next, post pictures of the things you\u2019d like to sell, dropping the prices if there isn\u2019t immediate interest, and make clear that the buyers will have to haul the things themselves. Whatever is left over can be posted on your local Buy Nothing Group, where there is always someone willing to come collect a stray coaster or dusty lamp for free.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\n Jen\u00e9e Desmond-Harris
\n I Loved That My Stepmom Had Started Creating Children\u2019s Books. Then I Stumbled on Her \u201cTechnique.\u201d
\n Read More\n <\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Easier said than done, but maybe also try to be a little nicer to each other? You won\u2019t get much enjoyment out of a nice clean attic or some extra cash if you\u2019re busy accusing each other of being tacky and full of shit.<\/p>\n

Prudie Wants to Hear From You!<\/p>\n

Readers often have great suggestions for our letter writers, occasionally disagree with a point Prudie makes, or simply want to provide some additional advice. Each week, Prudie will be replying to some of these comments and suggestions from readers, which will be featured on the site on Fridays for\u00a0Slate Plus<\/a>\u00a0members.\u00a0Write to us!<\/a>\u00a0Or submit a question here.<\/a><\/p>\n

Dear Prudence,<\/p>\n

How can I get my husband to understand that his ex-wife and adult son just use him? They have no respect for him, yet they call on him to help them if they are having a problem. I am angry and at a loss.<\/p>\n

\u2014Husband Can\u2019t Say No<\/p>\n

Dear Husband Can\u2019t Say No,<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

I Used to Love Doing a Controversial Thing In Bed With My Ex. I\u2019m Scared It\u2019ll Make My New Boyfriend Run Away.
\n <\/a><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

I Caught My Kids Up to a Corrupt Scheme at a Restaurant. Apparently They\u2019re Doing It \u201cfor Grandma.\u201d
\n <\/a><\/p>\n


\n This Content is Available for Slate Plus members only<\/p>\n

My Wife and Her Sisters Never Listen to Our Daughter. They Missed a Major Announcement, and All Hell\u2019s Broken Loose.
\n <\/a><\/p>\n

He might already understand that they\u2019re using him. Maybe he likes feeling useful. Maybe he\u2019s relenting because of something he did in the past, or he feels he owes them. Maybe he\u2019s afraid that if he doesn\u2019t meet their demands, he\u2019ll lose his relationship with his kid. I\u2019m not saying any of those are great reasons to beat their beck and call, but they could be explanations.<\/p>\n

Would it help you to have a better understanding of what\u2019s going on in his mind, and what he\u2019s feeling when he runs to their home to unclog a toilet at midnight, or when he co-signs for their new car? If so, ask him, with as little \u201cthis is ridiculous\u201d energy as possible. If not, remind yourself that his relationship with this duo is his business and think instead about what you\u2019d like to ask of him from your perspective: not spending all your money on the two of them, keeping plans with you even if they\u2019re having an emergency, and agreeing not to share the frustrating and incomprehensible (to you) details of his relationship with them.<\/p>\n

Classic Prudie<\/p>\n

Ten years ago, my sister died and left her four children orphans. I had a preteen stepdaughter and a toddler in a small three-bedroom house. My husband and I did the best we could. But the choice was either separate the kids or look into foster care. We couldn\u2019t do that. My stepdaughter ended up giving up her room to my nieces and moved back full-time with her mother. My husband came to every dance recital and every game even when I couldn\u2019t. Recently, my stepdaughter and her girlfriend came over. We thought they were going to announce their engagement. Instead, my husband and I were subjected to a pretty polished essay about how awful we were to my stepdaughter growing up\u2026<\/a><\/p>\n

Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Sign up for the Slatest to get the most insightful analysis, criticism, and advice out there, delivered to…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":746457,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[34],"tags":[3005,11463,97,13655],"class_list":["post-746456","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-health","tag-advice","tag-dear-prudence","tag-health","tag-marriage"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/746456","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=746456"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/746456\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/746457"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=746456"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=746456"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=746456"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}