Dear Eric: I have an older brother, \u201cMike\u201d, that my other three siblings and I are extremely worried about.<\/p>\n
He lives alone. He also struggles with severe depression and anxieties. He voluntarily put himself in a nursing home for assistance, after several falls and having to call 911 for assistance to get off the floor. He was very successful at losing enough weight for the first knee replacement. He completed the required PT and went home.<\/p>\n
Unfortunately, he didn\u2019t continue to exercise at home. Never stopped using a walker. Gained all the weight back, then went to a different nursing home for assistance. He had another knee replacement and now he won\u2019t leave the house, hasn\u2019t been to a family function for two years. He has missed three of his nephew\u2019s weddings.<\/p>\n
He doesn\u2019t participate in the sibling group texts and acts like he is angry at us. We would bring the holiday to his house or just hang out. He just sits in his recliner, barely talking. I am his younger sister, whom he bullied, bosses and tortured growing up, which he continues to do. I also believe he has an addiction to the pain pills he\u2019s on.<\/p>\n
Now, we discovered that he has gone back to a nursing home and didn\u2019t let us know. He told the director that we weren\u2019t to be notified. Right now, we are continuing like we don\u2019t know what is going on. Should we continue as we are? Or confront him? Honestly, we are so over the situation.<\/p>\n
\u2013 Frustrated Sister<\/p>\n
Dear Sister: Mike\u2019s mental health struggles, and potentially his substance abuse, have contributed to a narrative that\u2019s isolating him. He may be telling himself that no one knows how to help him, or no one cares, and it can be hard to combat that.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s good for him and for you that he\u2019s in a nursing home because there are more eyes on him and more opportunities for help. Because of Mike\u2019s narrative, the family may not be the best resource for him right now. <\/p>\n
However, since you know where he is and it sounds like you\u2019ve been in contact with the nursing home\u2019s director, you can reach out to that person with your concerns about Mike\u2019s depression and use of pain medication. Ask if they have resources for families. Ask if they can connect you with a social worker. I\u2019m presuming that you don\u2019t have medical power of attorney, so they\u2019ll be limited in what they can say to you, if anything at all. So, think of this as alerting them and asking them to take the next step.<\/p>\n
With regard to contacting Mike, as painful as it is, he\u2019s defined the relationship that he wants, or has capacity for, right now. Know that he\u2019s being taken care of and, for now, respect that he\u2019s made the decision to keep his whereabouts private.<\/p>\n
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com<\/a> or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram<\/a> and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n If you purchase a product or register for an account through a link on our site, we may receive compensation. By using this site, you consent to our User Agreement<\/a> and agree that your clicks, interactions, and personal information may be collected, recorded, and\/or stored by us and social media and other third-party partners in accordance with our Privacy Policy.<\/a><\/p>\n