{"id":874407,"date":"2026-10-07T21:54:15","date_gmt":"2026-10-07T21:54:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/874407\/"},"modified":"2026-10-07T21:54:15","modified_gmt":"2026-10-07T21:54:15","slug":"my-husband-became-obsessed-with-crossfit-i-laughingly-referred-to-myself-as-a-gym-widow-as-he-suddenly-started-spending-hours-working-out-then-he-left-me-for-a-woman-he-met-there-alice-dartnel","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/874407\/","title":{"rendered":"My husband became obsessed with CrossFit. I laughingly referred to myself as a ‘gym-widow’ as he suddenly started spending hours working out. Then he left me for a woman he met there…: ALICE DARTNELL"},"content":{"rendered":"

My husband James and I had been married for four years when he took up an all-or-nothing new hobby that would change both our lives.<\/p>\n

A former Marine, he\u2019d always been a gym goer but then he discovered CrossFit \u2013 an intensive fitness \u2018cult\u2019 that fuses weightlifting, cardio and bodyweight exercises into punishing, fast-paced sessions they affectionately call \u2018WODs\u2019 or \u2018workouts of the day\u2019.<\/p>\n

The training regime is not dissimilar to Hyrox, the indoor fitness race that made headlines recently when a contestant continued to compete despite visible incontinence. Such is the \u2018commitment\u2019 of hardcore fitness obsessives.<\/p>\n

This single-minded \u2018go-hard-or-go-home\u2019 mentality is, I think, what initially appealed to James.<\/p>\n

At first, he started going after work, meaning he got home at 10pm. Then came the morning sessions, too \u2013 even though that meant getting up at 5am and destroying my sleep.<\/p>\n

Soon he was going to the gym twice a day, seven days a week. It\u2019s fair to say we hardly saw each other \u2013 but I was never left in doubt that CrossFit came first.<\/p>\n

\"Soon <\/p>\n

Soon I wasn\u2019t just a so-called \u2018gym widow\u2019 but a CrossFit divorcee after James left me for his super-fit gym buddy, tells Alice Dartnell\u00a0<\/p>\n

James never invited me to work out with him. But then I wasn\u2019t one of those hyper-committed \u2018fitness freaks\u2019 who thrive in a competitive atmosphere. However, people like James don\u2019t just go to the gym \u2013 they make it their whole identity, their friendship group and, not infrequently, the centre of their social lives, too.<\/p>\n

So since I wasn\u2019t a fellow CrossFit convert, James met someone who was. Soon I wasn\u2019t just a so-called \u2018gym widow\u2019 but a CrossFit divorcee after James left me for his super-fit gym buddy.<\/p>\n

I was devastated when he came home early one afternoon and insisted we needed to talk. He waited until I was sitting on the sofa before telling me, \u2018I want a divorce\u2019.<\/p>\n

Utterly blindsided, I burst into tears, fighting the urge to vomit with the shock.<\/p>\n

While there are no official figures on how many relationships are derailed by a partner\u2019s gym habit, one large study of nearly 20,000 couples found that differences in health behaviours \u2013 including exercise levels \u2013 significantly increase the risk of divorce.<\/p>\n

With hindsight, there were certainly clues in my own case.<\/p>\n

Over the preceding six months, James had frequently dropped this woman\u2019s name into conversation; they\u2019d go for drinks after competitions and he\u2019d even stay at hers \u2018for the convenience\u2019 after contests. I didn\u2019t object because he claimed others were staying there too. Though she was single, she was a decade older than us \u2013 what did I have to worry about?<\/p>\n

I also believed we had built a firm foundation of trust. After all, work commitments \u2013 and then gym commitments \u2013 meant we were often apart. Though we first met at university, James was in the Royal Marines by the time we started a relationship two years after graduation. He could be deployed for months at a time and we\u2019d have to rely on patchy Skype calls.<\/p>\n

It was after one such two-month deployment that he proposed at Gatwick airport as I came to collect him. We married two years later on the Greek island of Santorini. Not that we got to enjoy the luxury of a honeymoon; three days after the ceremony, James was deployed for another three months.<\/p>\n

\"When <\/p>\n

When lockdown began in March 2020, Alice was glad James couldn\u2019t go to the gym any more, but he started going on long bike rides instead \u2013 with the other woman<\/p>\n

Yet even when we had limited time together, James would always fit a workout into the day. From his perspective, it was part and parcel of his job.<\/p>\n

After five years in the Marines, he retired as a Captain. I was delighted, thinking this would give us more quality time together.<\/p>\n

In 2017, we bought a house in London and he took a job as a consultant. He didn\u2019t have any \u2018civvy\u2019 friends and I knew it was hard for him leaving the military, so I was encouraging when he started CrossFit that year. He said it was a great way to create a new social circle.<\/p>\n

Of course, I was disappointed that it started taking up so much of his time \u2013 he\u2019d finally get home from the gym just as I was often heading up to bed.<\/p>\n

When he started going in the morning too, I accepted it, but the regime soon started to take its toll on me \u2013 and, as it turned out, us as a couple.<\/p>\n

By then I was trying to launch a business as a coach, and the stress and interrupted sleep \u2013 I was suffering insomnia and wouldn\u2019t drop off to sleep until the early hours, only to be woken by James at 5am \u2013 took its toll on my body.<\/p>\n

In June 2019, I was experiencing all the signs of burnout \u2013 irritability, sleeplessness and a constant \u2018wired but tired\u2019 feeling. I tried to talk to James, asking him repeatedly not to get up so early. But CrossFit was too important to him \u2013 it was a flat no.<\/p>\n

The community he\u2019d found at the gym was providing him with the same sort of consistency and support he\u2019d had in the Marines. While I don\u2019t believe he was romantically involved with this woman at that point, I have no doubt he was friends with her.<\/p>\n

When I asked him to drop CrossFit down to evenings only, still the answer was no. With hindsight, this refusal to compromise was a red flag.<\/p>\n

When lockdown began in March 2020, I was secretly glad he couldn\u2019t go to the gym any more, but he started going on long bike rides instead \u2013 with the other woman.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m a very trusting person but, naturally, I started to feel jealous about the time they were spending together. When I\u2019d comment, \u2018you two are getting close…\u2019 James would reassure me saying, \u2018We\u2019re just friends, Alice!\u2019<\/p>\n

\"James <\/p>\n

James soon dropped a bombshell on Alice \u2013 he wanted a divorce. And sure enough, it was his new gym lover he was leaving his wife for<\/p>\n

But by then they were such an integral part of one another\u2019s lives that he\u2019d even text her while we were watching TV together. And yes she knew he was married because we met once when I went to cheer him on at \u2013 you guessed it \u2013 a CrossFit competition. As na\u00efve as it sounds, I didn’t think she was someone who could turn my husband\u2019s head.<\/p>\n

A few months later, however, he dropped a bombshell \u2013 he wanted a divorce. And sure enough, it was her he was leaving me for. As strange as it sounds, I still saw him as my best friend and so I let him hold me as I sobbed my heart out.<\/p>\n

But I could have kicked myself for being so gullible.<\/p>\n

The next day, he admitted he might be being hasty and suggested he move out for six months to \u2018find himself\u2019 and go travelling. Prepared to do anything to save our marriage, I agreed. I now know he simply moved in with her.<\/p>\n

CrossFit is obviously a far more powerful glue than love because today they\u2019re married and are in the process of adopting a child together.<\/p>\n

As for me, now 39, I\u2019m single and travel widely, running my time management coaching business from beaches all over the world. I\u2019m happy and have no doubt I\u2019ll meet the real love of my life one day. I don\u2019t know where or when but one thing\u2019s for sure \u2013 I won\u2019t ever get involved with a fitness addict again.<\/p>\n

https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/alice_dartnell\/<\/a><\/p>\n

As told to Samantha Brick<\/p>\n