{"id":878872,"date":"2026-10-11T19:32:10","date_gmt":"2026-10-11T19:32:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/878872\/"},"modified":"2026-10-11T19:32:10","modified_gmt":"2026-10-11T19:32:10","slug":"penis-spots-advice-something-strange-appeared-on-his-package-i-do-not-like-where-this-is-going","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/878872\/","title":{"rendered":"Penis spots advice: Something strange appeared on his package. I do not like where this is going."},"content":{"rendered":"

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How to Do It is Slate\u2019s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here.<\/a> It\u2019s anonymous!<\/p>\n

Dear How to Do It,<\/p>\n

The other day I noticed my FWB had some tiny brown spots on his penis and his balls that looked like freckles. I hadn\u2019t noticed them before and in all the times we hooked up over the last year and a half. I did not say anything in the moment, but did stop giving him a BJ. We snuggled instead. When he went home, I Googled what I thought I saw and discovered it could be genital warts. The next morning I mentioned this to him in a text and asked when he last had his sexual health checked. While he replied with a video and said he checked, he did not see anything on his member. He never answered my question though. Do I prod further or insist he go to the doctor? For the record, I get tested frequently even though he is my only sexual partner. And thankfully always tested negative.<\/p>\n

\u2014Is It What I Think It Is?<\/p>\n

Dear Is It What I Think It Is?,<\/p>\n

What you saw already threw you enough to make you retreat from his dick. I can\u2019t imagine you wanting to hook up with him again without finding resolution in your inquiry. I would continue the conversation. You saw what you saw. He\u2019s effectively telling you that he didn\u2019t. That doesn\u2019t really bode well for open and honest communication moving forward, but you can at least counter him. Remind him that the spots weren\u2019t there last time you saw him naked and that your eyes, in fact, work. Also note that warts tend to be raised bumps, unlike freckles, so if there wasn\u2019t texture to the spots you may be mistaken. Don\u2019t let him gaslight you but also hear him out.<\/p>\n

I wouldn\u2019t insist that he go to the doctor so explicitly; I would say that until he gets checked out and his tests come back negative, you\u2019re no longer interested in having sex with him. You have to advocate for yourself here. Definitely keep up with your tests. HPV is highly contagious. If he has it, there\u2019s a good chance that you do as well. That\u2019s not the end of the world\u2014screening can identify precancerous cells that need removal. If you haven\u2019t received the Gardasil vaccine, consider it.<\/p>\n

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Dear How to Do It,<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve got a problem that in another context might be seen as an asset: suddenly, I\u2019m incredibly horny. All the time. I\u2019m a straight guy about to turn 30, and in the past six years or so my libido has just exploded off the charts like I\u2019ve never experienced before, not even as a teen. I can\u2019t stop thinking about sex, fantasizing about it and fixating on it, and I can\u2019t even escape when I sleep because it\u2019s all I dream about. I\u2019ve tried meditation and coping methods designed for quelling intrusive thoughts and I masturbate constantly but I\u2019ve had no success in stemming the flood of sexual thoughts coming at me every moment. I\u2019m horny everywhere. It\u2019s even affecting my finances as I can\u2019t seem to stop myself from paying way too much for interactive porn content.<\/p>\n

At first I thought it was deprivation finally coming for me since I haven\u2019t had sex in eight years, but it\u2019s really starting to feel like something is wrong. Could something be happening with my hormones as I age? Sex has never been that important to me before and I\u2019ve literally never experienced anything like this, it doesn\u2019t seem like something I can control by myself. What on earth can I do to stop it? Please help!<\/p>\n

\u2014Drowning and Desperate<\/p>\n

Dear Drowning and Desperate,<\/p>\n

This could have something to do with hormonal changes. Your testosterone may be surging as the result of lifestyle alterations like exercise, better sleep, and less stress. If you have gone off an antidepressant, that may have affected things as well. Think about your life in aggregate and whether you\u2019ve made any changes that could reflect in your hormones and definitely see a doctor. They can test your blood to see if there\u2019s anything going on with your levels and then advise accordingly.<\/p>\n

You\u2019re right that a thriving libido is generally seen as a good thing; it can be a sign that you are in good health and certainly the alternative makes some people miserable. But a libido that is high functioning to the point of distraction has its obvious drawbacks. You might want to see a therapist, who may be able to walk you through ways of dealing with this, including cognitive behavioral therapy. Keep with the mindfulness practice\u2014it\u2019s not something that typically works overnight and it\u2019s a good habit to have even if it\u2019s not targeting what you seek to improve. In some cases, SSRIs are prescribed to help dampen a high sex drive, but this treatment method may come with unwanted side effects. Definitely discuss with your doctor if you are interested; they can help monitor and adjust accordingly after prescribing.<\/p>\n

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The columnists behind our advice column, Good Job<\/a>, want to help you navigate your social dynamics at work. Does your colleague constantly bug you after hours? Has an ill-advised work romance gone awry? Ask us your question here<\/a>!<\/p>\n

Dear How to Do It,<\/p>\n

Is there a way to get more confident initiating sex? My girlfriend and I are in our mid-20s and I\u2019ve only ever had sex with her. Lately she\u2019s been telling me that she wants me to initiate more and come onto her. But I\u2019ve honestly never been the best at that. I feel like I\u2019m down to have sex most of the time so I\u2019d rather she just let me know when she\u2019s game, too. I hear her though and want to try to do this more often. How can I gain some confidence here and not feel awkward as hell coming up to her and being like, \u201cHey you want to go right now?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u2014Timid Top<\/p>\n

Dear Timid Top,<\/p>\n

You might start using the language your girlfriend uses to initiate sex. Mirroring her would take the pressure off you to have to come up with something novel or risk coming off as awkward. Follow the tone she has set and meet her where she is. Now, I, for one, don\u2019t think anything is wrong with, \u201cHey, you want to go right now?\u201d Bluntness can be a turn on. Since that\u2019s something that came out of your head, you may want to experiment with it as well. Maybe your girlfriend will also appreciate a matter-of-fact approach. Also consider the non-verbal ways you may initiate sex, like touching or kissing. If you are tender and passionate about it (say by kissing your girlfriend\u2019s neck), this may convey the idea well. Stay within your girlfriend\u2019s boundaries, though. You should have a conversation to confirm that she\u2019s open to you initiating sex this way\u2014you wouldn\u2019t want to spring something on her that is unwelcome or violates consent for a number of reasons, including that it would be entirely counterproductive to the cause at hand.<\/p>\n


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Confidence can be a self-propelling machine after the initial push. What often happens is: You do the thing that you\u2019re scared to do, it\u2019s effective, and that makes next time that much easier. You\u2019re not going to get there without the initial leap, but once you do, you may wonder what the big deal was in the first place. If you can pretty much go whenever, pick a time that you\u2019re both hanging out and comfortable and ask her in whatever words are appropriate to your dynamic if she\u2019s in the mood. And then get to it.<\/p>\n

You may experiment here and find that initiating is still difficult. There are people whose sex drives are more on the responsive side\u2014that is, requiring outside stimulus (like a partner\u2019s interest\/horniness) to get going\u2014and there are people who tend to be more spontaneous, libido-wise. You might be responsive and that\u2019s OK, it would just mean that you\u2019d need your girlfriend to initiate more than not. Beyond this, sometimes we find ourselves locked into patterns with our partners. For whatever reason, one person becomes the one who gets things going, and that dynamic just works. You are eager to try being more in the driver\u2019s seat here, so experiment but if you find that it\u2019s just not coming natural to you, have a conversation with your girlfriend, letting her know that actually it would be better if she keeps kicking things off.<\/p>\n

\u2014Rich<\/p>\n

More Advice From Slate<\/p>\n

I\u2019m a woman and I\u2019ve been hooking up with a guy on and off for a few months now. Recently, while I was blowing him, he caught me completely off guard. He disengaged and shot his load all over my face. He never discussed it with me beforehand, and it even got in my hair (I had to resort to cutting some off!). I am beyond furious that he didn\u2019t clear this with me before he did it. He apologized and said he thought I would be fine with it since we incorporate a little bit of BDSM into our sex routines and promised it wouldn\u2019t happen again. Should this be a deal breaker?<\/a><\/p>\n

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