![\"Karen](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/Karen-Groves-and-mother.jpg\")
Karen Groves and her mother, Jean Groves, of South Berwick. (Courtesy of Karen Groves)<\/p>\nKaren Groves has been taking care of her 93-year-old mother, Jean Groves, for five years.<\/p>\n
Karen Groves and her mother, Jean Groves, of South Berwick. (Courtesy of Karen Groves)<\/p>\n
Her mom lives at Berwick Estates, an assisted living facility near Groves\u2019 home in South Berwick, but Groves sees her mother almost daily, taking her to twice-weekly dialysis treatments, plus other medical and hair appointments.<\/p>\n
The retired Portsmouth Naval Shipyard engineer is never far away in case she gets a call from Berwick Estates \u2014 her mom has a variety of health, mobility and cognitive issues and has already been hospitalized four times this year.<\/p>\n
\u201cI feel very tied down,\u201d said Groves, 69. \u201cUsually once a year, one of my kids will cover for me for a few days. Then I can go away without waiting for the phone to ring. Last year I went to Vermont for four days and the mental break was amazing.\u201d<\/p>\n
As Maine\u2019s population ages, taking care of its older residents is becoming an increasingly urgent issue. From the stress of rural isolation to a shortage of workers to complicated federal Medicare guidelines, this guide helps Mainers<\/a> learn about the services, technology and resources available to caregivers and the parents, spouses, neighbors and friends they\u2019re caring for.<\/p>\n Making time for yourself is one piece of advice Groves and other family caregivers offered to those who may be new to or still struggling with challenges that come with caring for an aging relative.<\/p>\n Nancy Jo Polito, 78, of Portland, wrote a book, \u201cTaking Care of Business: Tales of a Caregiver<\/a>,\u201d about caring for her mother, Isabel Profenno Polito, who died in 2010 at age 93.<\/p>\n Her mother suffered from multiple health problems throughout her life, so Polito began helping out around the house when she was 5 years old and never stopped. When her mother fell and broke her wrist at age 89, she moved to a skilled nursing facility.<\/p>\n Polito\u2019s concerns about the quality of care her mother received there led her to become a super advocate, regularly monitoring her mother\u2019s meals, medications, bathing schedule, foot care and even doctor\u2019s orders for medical tests and treatments.<\/p>\n \u201cYou just can\u2019t admit someone and walk away and feel good about it,\u201d Polito said. \u201cYou have to be an advocate to make sure they\u2019re getting the right care.\u201d<\/p>\n Here are some tips from the front lines of caregiving:<\/p>\n 1. Get comfortable with being an advocate<\/p>\n It can be challenging, but it\u2019s probably the most valuable role in caregiving \u2014 being an advocate and a witness to ensure a loved one receives proper care. That includes medical appointments, for in-home services and in long-term care facilities.<\/p>\n Visit and call regularly, ask questions and stop by randomly to see how living conditions measure up.<\/p>\n \u201cYou have to keep open communication and you have to stay on top of it,\u201d Polito said. \u201cI was told I was too pushy, but they like it when you don\u2019t come in all the time.\u201d<\/p>\n 2. Learn what services are available<\/p>\n Search the internet for family caregiver programs that are available in your area. Elder care and social service agencies can help. AgeMaine<\/a>, formerly Southern Maine Agency on Aging, is a good place to start.<\/p>\n \u201cBe resourceful,\u201d said Marvella Heard, 56, of Biddeford, who cares for her 79-year-old father, Samuel. \u201cI wasn\u2019t ready for all this. It\u2019s complicated, like they don\u2019t want it to be easy. It\u2019s trial and error, but you figure things out.\u201d<\/p>\n 3. Meet with an elder law attorney<\/p>\n Whether you are a caregiver charged with overseeing a loved one\u2019s finances and personal affairs, or you want to make long-range plans for yourself, an elder law attorney can help.<\/p>\n In addition to estate planning, which includes wills, trusts, powers of attorney, healthcare proxies and advanced directives, elder law attorneys handle asset protection, long-term care plans, government benefits, guardianships and elder abuse prevention.<\/p>\n Clare Herrmann, of Portland, cares for her husband, Jim Vollmar. The couple, both 78, found some peace of mind meeting with an elder law attorney.<\/p>\n \u201cIt takes all the questions out of it,\u201d Herrmann said. \u201cWho will take care of your finances? Who will make sure you have proper care as you age? All of that needs to be in writing and it\u2019s hard to come up with all the \u2018what ifs\u2019 on your own.\u201d<\/p>\n To find an elder law attorney, check the Maine State Bar Association\u2019s Lawyer Referral Service<\/a> or the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys<\/a>.<\/p>\n 4. Put family controversy aside<\/p>\n Caring for an aging family member is often challenging on its own. Don\u2019t let old grudges with siblings or other relatives make it more difficult.<\/p>\n \u201cPut personal feeling aside and focus on caring for the person,\u201d Heard said. \u201cIt\u2019s very important to stick together at times like this. Be there for each other and one person won\u2019t be overwhelmed.\u201d<\/p>\n 5. Take care of yourself<\/p>\n Reach out for assistance through elder care agencies, peer support groups and community organizations. Engage in activities that connect you with others outside the sphere of caregiving. Make time to do what makes you happy, even if it\u2019s only for a few hours.<\/p>\n For Groves, that means treating any free day like an adventure, so she goes hiking or to a museum. She also enjoys volunteering and still makes time for it, teaching balance exercise classes for older adults.<\/p>\n \u201cI find it gratifying and inspiring,\u201d Groves said. \u201cVolunteering was always going to be a big part of my retirement and I don\u2019t want to give that up.\u201d<\/p>\n 6. Cut yourself some slack<\/p>\n It\u2019s easy to feel guilty if you think you\u2019re not doing enough as a caregiver, especially when a loved one gets sick or injured in a fall.<\/p>\n \u201cYou get waves of that,\u201d Polito said. \u201cYou blame yourself when things happen. You feel you should have done more. You just have to let it go. It\u2019s insurmountable at times. You can\u2019t do it all.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Karen Groves has been taking care of her 93-year-old mother, Jean Groves, for five years. 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<\/a><\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/43779697_20261005_caregiver_1.jpg\")
Nancy Jo Polito, of Portland, cared for her mother and wrote a book about the experience. (Gregory Rec\/Staff Photographer)<\/p>\n