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Having personal experience with a medical condition can make someone more understanding of what others are going through. But it doesn\u2019t necessarily make them qualified to decide who does or doesn\u2019t have that condition.<\/p>\n
One 32-year-old woman<\/a> is learning that distinction the hard way after questioning a friend\u2019s possible autism diagnosis.<\/p>\n Marie has a younger friend, Luna, who recently stepped away from their social circle while dealing with some personal difficulties. The two haven\u2019t spoken in several months, but Marie noticed a social media update suggesting that Luna might be autistic.<\/p>\n Rather than simply checking in, Marie immediately questioned whether the diagnosis could be accurate.<\/p>\n After all, Luna is outgoing, intelligent and seemingly comfortable in social situations. And because Marie has an autistic brother, she believes she has a pretty good understanding of what autism looks like.<\/p>\n So she reached out with questions about the assessment process and an offer to help Luna find a different therapist.<\/p>\n Unfortunately, Luna\u2019s partner wasn\u2019t particularly impressed.<\/p>\n Now Marie\u2019s friends are distancing themselves, and she\u2019s wondering why her supposedly helpful intentions have caused such a problem.<\/p>\n I\u2019m Marie (32F), and I have a friend, Luna (29F), who\u2019s been going through a rough patch. We haven\u2019t really chatted in about 5-6 months.<\/p>\n Anyway, I found out she was diagnosed with autism. My brother is autistic, and even though I haven\u2019t been diagnosed, I\u2019ve always suspected I might be on the spectrum too, though I tend to focus more on my other issues (like PTSD, anxiety, and depression \u2013 but no worries, I\u2019m in therapy and on meds with a psychiatrist!).<\/p>\n My first thought when I heard about Luna\u2019s diagnosis was that it had to be a mistake.<\/p>\n Had to be\u2026<\/p>\n Luna is really outgoing, charismatic, and incredibly smart. She just clicked with my friend group right away. That doesn\u2019t exactly scream \u201cautism,\u201d does it?<\/p>\n Her last message to us was that she wasn\u2019t well, and she left our friend group and basically disappeared from social media. I only found out about her diagnosis because of a recent status update that alluded to it.<\/p>\n So, I asked her about the process so I could look into it and help her find a \u201cproper\u201d therapist. I seriously love my therapy team and thought Luna would too. Since we hadn\u2019t been in touch, I wasn\u2019t expecting an immediate reply, but I definitely wasn\u2019t expecting her partner to call me and totally go off on me.<\/p>\n Oh dear.<\/p>\n I tried to defend myself by mentioning my brother and how Luna never seemed to have these kinds of issues, so it just felt weird that they\u2019d warrant an autism check over grief counseling.<\/p>\n Then her partner told me I barely knew Luna and was ignoring her struggles because of my own, which actually triggered a panic attack for me. I told him \u2013 and I\u2019ve known him longer, we even used to date \u2013 but he just hung up on me.<\/p>\n Luna still hasn\u2019t gotten back to me, and now I\u2019m terrified to even ask her partner for an update.<\/p>\n You were just trying to help!<\/p>\n I talked to my friends (who also have siblings on the spectrum), but they\u2019re not really siding with me.<\/p>\n They think I shouldn\u2019t have dismissed her diagnosis, but what\u2019s confusing is they also pointed out that she never actually said she was diagnosed, so that was a pretty crummy thing for me to do, regardless.<\/p>\n I have no idea if Luna is in grief counseling or not; she hasn\u2019t been on social media. But you\u2019d think she\u2019d mention that before just blurting out \u201cautism,\u201d right? Especially since she knows my brother is autistic?<\/p>\n You\u2019d think.<\/p>\n Luna doesn\u2019t struggle socially, so I just don\u2019t think she should be calling herself autistic. I, on the other hand, do struggle socially, plus my own diagnoses, and I don\u2019t call myself that. Like I said, Luna is super smart. I think her mind is just a bit clouded right now, which is totally understandable.<\/p>\n I honestly don\u2019t think I\u2019m wrong. But my friends have been pulling away, and it\u2019s really getting to me. I\u2019ve even considered getting assessed myself at this point, just so I could compare our diagnoses and \u201cverify\u201d hers because I care about Luna so much. She needs help, but I feel like she\u2019s either being scammed or going to take away resources that won\u2019t actually help her.<\/p>\n So, AITA?<\/p>\n Marie may genuinely believe she\u2019s protecting her friend from an incorrect diagnosis, but her reasoning reveals some significant misunderstandings about autism.<\/p>\n Being intelligent, charismatic or socially outgoing doesn\u2019t rule out being autistic. Autism can present differently from person to person, and someone\u2019s ability to navigate social situations doesn\u2019t necessarily reveal the challenges they experience privately.<\/p>\n Having an autistic sibling may give Marie valuable personal experience, but it doesn\u2019t qualify her to evaluate another person\u2019s diagnosis.<\/p>\n There\u2019s also the fact that Marie hasn\u2019t spoken with Luna in five or six months and doesn\u2019t actually know what assessments, therapy or other support she\u2019s received. Her friends even pointed out that Luna\u2019s social media update may not have explicitly confirmed a diagnosis.<\/p>\n That makes Marie\u2019s insistence that something must be wrong particularly unfair.<\/p>\n Never Miss a Story<\/p>\n Sign up to get our BEST stories of the week straight to your inbox.<\/p>\n Suggesting that Luna should seek grief counseling instead also creates an unnecessary either-or situation. Someone can experience grief and be autistic. One doesn\u2019t invalidate the other.<\/p>\n Most concerning is Marie\u2019s idea of seeking her own assessment partly to compare results and somehow verify Luna\u2019s. If Marie suspects she\u2019s autistic, pursuing an evaluation for her own understanding could be worthwhile. But her results would say nothing about Luna\u2019s circumstances.<\/p>\n Her friend\u2019s partner may have responded harshly, but Marie\u2019s repeated dismissal of Luna\u2019s experiences helps explain why people are uncomfortable with her behavior.<\/p>\n If she wants to repair the friendship, the best approach would be to apologize without defending her assumptions, then respect Luna\u2019s decision about whether to respond.<\/p>\n Supporting someone doesn\u2019t require agreeing with every decision they make. But it does require recognizing when their medical care simply isn\u2019t yours to evaluate.<\/p>\n Reddit is not very happy with OP. This person has a question\u2026<\/p>\n This person says she\u2019s not entitled to someone else\u2019s medical info.<\/p>\n If you enjoyed this story, check out this post<\/a> about a daughter who feels hoodwinked after finding out the sick father she\u2019s been supporting has plenty of money of his own.<\/p>\n And this person says she is simply not qualified to be the judge here.<\/p>\n Marie wanted to verify her friend\u2019s diagnosis, but the only thing she\u2019s managed to confirm is why her friends are keeping their distance.<\/p>\n Enjoyed this story? Readers who liked this also read this story<\/a> about a daughter who feels hoodwinked after finding out the sick father she\u2019s been supporting has plenty of money of his own. \t\t\t\t\t
Diana Whelan | Contributing Writer, Life & Drama<\/p>\n Diana Whelan is a contributing writer for TwistedSifter specializing in family dynamics, viral internet culture, and interpersonal relationships. Drawing on her extensive professional background as a senior copywriter in the digital marketing space, Diana excels at transforming community-driven conversations and trending social media debates into relatable, highly engaging narratives.<\/p>\n Rather than simply aggregating online drama, Diana brings a balanced, humorous, and empathetic editorial voice to everyday dilemmas and parenting moments. She has a keen eye for finding the human element at the center of complex relationship conflicts and viral social trends.<\/p>\n Outside of writing, Diana is usually spending time with her husband and two kids, planning elaborate themed parties, or chasing down new family adventures. Fueled by a little too much caffeine and a love for a well-placed pun, she can often be found unwinding with a glass of wine and her very patient golden retriever.<\/p>\n Connect with Diana on LinkedIn<\/a> and Instagram<\/a>.<\/p>\n \t\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
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