A newly-married woman from San Francisco called The Ramsey Show with a dilemma that pits her and her new husband against the cultural expectations of her extended family.<\/p>\n
Don’t miss<\/p>\n
The caller states that she and her husband were recently married and although some of her extended family couldn’t attend the ceremony, her grandmother and aunt wanted to send a generous monetary gift of around $100,000. But instead of being thrilled, the caller was conflicted.<\/p>\n
Why? Because in her experience, money from family (and especially her opinionated grandmother), tends to come with strings attached. She worried that accepting the funds would invite unwanted advice and interference in her new marriage.<\/p>\n
To further complicate matters, her mother disagreed with the couple\u2019s decision to decline the gift, calling it “disrespectful.” She then offered to accept the money on the newlyweds\u2019 behalf and \u201cpass it along,\u201d adding another layer of pressure.<\/p>\n
What advice did Ramsey and Kamel give the caller?<\/p>\n
Dave Ramsey and co-host George Kamel were quick to pick up<\/a> on the real issue \u2014 this isn’t about a generous gift; it\u2019s about control. Ramsey pointed out that while the gift might not come with explicit conditions, the callers’ worry of future meddling was valid.<\/p>\n “You understand, though, that when you say \u2018no thank you,\u2019\u201d there is no pleasant enough way to say that to people who think they have the right to walk into your life and tell you what to do \u2026 they\u2019re still not going to accept that,” he said.<\/p>\n Read more: Nervous about the stock market? Gain potential quarterly income through this $1B private real estate fund \u2014 even if you\u2019re not a millionaire. Here\u2019s how to get started with as little as $10<\/a><\/p>\n Their advice was firm: Do not accept the money if it compromises your independence or causes stress in your marriage.<\/p>\n \u201cAt the time [you] took that vow of ‘for richer or poorer, in sickness and health,’ that means the rest of you don\u2019t get a vote anymore,\u201d Ramsey explained. “[The] ballot box is closed.”<\/p>\n The hosts emphasized that setting these boundaries<\/a> is difficult, especially in families where guilt and manipulation are common. Ramsey recommended a book that would help the caller learn to set and keep boundaries.<\/p>\n “Get Dr. Henry Cloud\u2019s book \u2018Boundaries,\u2019 because when you read it, one of the first chapters is going to tell you you\u2019re not crazy. You\u2019re not. And that\u2019s good. And that this is wrong. And it\u2019s not a cultural thing \u2014 it\u2019s an interference thing.”<\/p>\n Despite the challenges, Ramsey and Kamel say the discomfort in setting those boundaries will be worth the peace of mind.<\/p>\n How to set financial boundaries with family<\/p>\n Setting boundaries about money \u2014 especially with family<\/a> \u2014 can be emotionally difficult. But it’s crucial for maintaining a healthy marriage and protecting your financial well-being<\/a>. In this situation, the caller is being given money, but in some families, it’s about knowing when and how to say no to money requests, rather than offers.<\/p>\n So, how do you do it? According<\/a> to Headspace, the first step is identifying what you\u2019re comfortable with.<\/p>\n In the caller\u2019s case, it meant declining a well-meaning but complicated gift. It\u2019s okay to say, \u201cThank you, but we\u2019ve decided not to accept monetary gifts right now.\u201d For you, it might mean saying, “No, I cannot loan\/give you money.”<\/p>\n