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\n While there is plenty of opportunity to snipe at one another, Britani\u2019s multiple missteps make her an easy target for everyone at the party.
\n Photo: Bravo\n <\/p>\n
It\u2019s a big day for Heather Gay, who is making the brave move of introducing her new boyfriend, Tripp, to the group. She knows just how vulnerable that act is, not just because her friends are notoriously harsh, but because they\u2019re Real Housewives. And having not just been in the game for seven years, but also having long been a fan of the franchise, Heather knows better than anyone that a hallmark of these shows is attacking your castmate\u2019s significant other. Lucky for her, the introduction goes off without a hitch, because the women all have much bigger fish to fry at her Jupiter Year party. The event seems to be somehow related to astrology and their zodiac signs, but to be honest, I zoned out during the explanation because she had hired men in togas to man the doors. That was either a gift for us or a chance for Angie to mention Greece again.<\/p>\n
But those aren\u2019t the only men hired to be there: Bronwyn is bringing Brandon! That, at least, is the accusation still getting thrown around, and one that she\u2019ll finally get the chance to address later in the episode. In any case, I\u2019m glad he\u2019s there, because it means he gets to queen out with his two favorite people: Lisa and Meredith. When he and Bronwyn are driving to the event and \u201cHypocrisy and Bullshit\u201d comes up (a.k.a. the song of the summer), he admits that he was \u201cvibing\u201d to it, and her face drops like a mother whose rogue child said something damning in front of company.<\/p>\n
The moment is a great example of Bronwyn\u2019s compulsion for control when it comes to crafting the narrative that appears on television. The second Brandon strayed from that narrative, she panics and tries to manually get him back on course, telling him outright that he can\u2019t be saying that. But the flashback shows that not only was Brandon vibing at the start of the song, but by the end of it he was actively cheering for Lisa and Meredith\u2019s bop. So clearly he wouldn\u2019t miss another night with his two favorite pop stars for the world. He might have even paid for his own hotel this time just to see them!<\/p>\n
The event is sort of a costume party, with the women\u2019s outfits all inspired by their zodiac signs \u2014 apart from Mary, who says, \u201cI\u2019m a Libra, what am I gonna wear, a scale?\u201d Cut to fellow Libra Whitney entering the party, scale in hand. And true to her costume, she\u2019s all about balance \u2014 so when Heather tells her that Lisa has been speculating about the vague \u201chard time\u201d she\u2019s been going through, Whitney throws it right back at her. She tells Heather that John Barlow has told Justin that their finances are terrible and he can\u2019t stand Lisa. Do I believe that? Well, let\u2019s just say I don\u2019t believe that John Barlow told Justin that, even if the statements themselves are true.<\/p>\n
Lucky for Whitney, the one who really is in the hot seat at this party is Britani, who takes her high-body-count hair to new heights. For some reason, her bird\u2019s nest updo is filled with candy, which Angie picks out of her hair and eats like a little monkey eating bugs off another monkey. Naturally, the other women are horrified that she\u2019s eating out of Britani\u2019s hair, but let\u2019s be honest, that\u2019s not Britani\u2019s hair. It\u2019s synthetic enough that Angie might as well be eating off a plastic plate.<\/p>\n
This is the first time that Britani is in the same room with Meredith\u2019s husband, Seth, whom she accused of cheating at the reunion, and rather than having the self-awareness to dodge him, she greets him with a hug. That awkward moment immediately leads to Seth\u2019s exit from the event, which is technically because he has another obligation, but given the timing, Meredith is annoyed that it now looks like he\u2019s running away. That\u2019s why she keeps bringing up that other engagement every chance she gets as the reason for his departure, and not because Britani is being a \u201ccomplete weirdo creep,\u201d as she calls her to her face.<\/p>\n
But things look up for Mer when she and Lisa sit down with the party\u2019s mystic for a reading, during which they\u2019re told to repeat the phrase \u201cI am valid in all of my feelings.\u201d I can\u2019t think of two people who need that reassurance less. If there\u2019s one thing Meredith and Lisa know and believe to their core, it\u2019s that all of their feelings are valid. \u201cI love this,\u201d Lisa says, as this third party confirms she\u2019s infallible. I don\u2019t actually know what a mystic is, but I love their pizza, so I\u2019m onboard.<\/p>\n
Across the party, Angie is earning her paycheck by getting in Bronwyn\u2019s ear, telling her all about Britani investigating what\u2019s going on with her real estate, but when she starts to tell her what Lisa\u2019s been saying, Bronwyn cuts her off, saying that she\u2019d rather not hear it. \u201cWell, then I won\u2019t tell you that she said you work with people who have placed this relationship as a stunt,\u201d Angie says, because she\u2019s the funniest person to come out of Greece since Nia Vardalos. I will say, Bronwyn does make a great counterpoint to the PR claims, noting that her relationship with Brandon hasn\u2019t necessarily been good PR on any level. That\u2019s true, but it does give her a story line.<\/p>\n
Speaking of Brandon, as this is playing out, he\u2019s across the party having a ki with Lisa about her song. \u201cHypocrisy and bullshit,\u201d she sings as a reprise. \u201cTell me that doesn\u2019t have ring; don\u2019t lie, it was so good. You have to call it when you see it, Brandon,\u201d she tells him as he laughs along. I\u2019m surprised we didn\u2019t see him ask for a picture.<\/p>\n
When Britani accidentally saunters into the conversation about her, Bronwyn confronts her about her digging, calling her a nincompoop with bad breath. Without missing a beat, Angie pulls a breath spray out of her bag and sprays it into Britani\u2019s mouth mid-fight, like a coach dabbing a boxer\u2019s sweat in the ring. It\u2019s incredible prop comedy. And speaking of props, somewhere along the line, the flower situation gets brought up, and Angie wonders if she brings them to the elderly just to get into their wills. Instantly, Britani is sobbing over the fact that her special visits are being dragged through the mud like this.<\/p>\n
Now aware that she\u2019s being accused of leaving Mary\u2019s luncheon with not one but three bouquets, she tries to address it by asking if she can steal Mary for a second to talk to her. Given the circumstances, steal probably wasn\u2019t the best choice of words, and Mary attempts to rebuff her, saying, \u201cYou have a stealing problem; I don\u2019t want you around me.\u201d Not only is she referring to the flowers, but Mary brings us all the way back to their very first meeting, when Britani talked about how she used to put rolls in her purse to take home. It seems like Britani\u2019s fate with Mary was sealed from that very moment. Mary was never going to befriend a woman with crumbs in her purse.<\/p>\n
Now, I will say, when this flower situation first came up, I had some doubts. Not just because I\u2019m biased toward Britani \u2014 as I am toward anybody who entertains me as much as she does \u2014 but because I trusted that production would have captured footage of her leaving with three bouquets in hand. But alas, we only see her leave with the gifted one. Also, I questioned how it would be physically possible to carry three vases. But just as I\u2019m giving her this benefit of the doubt, Britani admits to it, saying that the flowers seemed unwanted. The cameras missing her crime makes me wonder if this mastermind waited until production wrapped to go back into the venue for the other two arrangements. They were well earned at that point, if you ask me.<\/p>\n
The pair of them are arguing over each other, not hearing one another at all, and at one point Britani makes a grave misstep, as two of their sentences converge in a truly unfortunate way. \u201cThat\u2019s not a thing,\u201d Britani says at one point, just as Mary starts to talk about going through a lot right now. It reads and is taken as a dismissal of Mary\u2019s grief.<\/p>\n
Granted, Britani\u2019s actual response to Mary bringing up her grief is, \u201cAnd I understand that\u201d \u2014 and when the producers ask her to clarify in her confessional, Britani is horrified and says that she\u2019s sure she was responding to something else, but it\u2019s too late. Mary took that statement in, and perhaps worst of all, brought it to professional grudge-keeper Meredith Marks, who will never let that go. Britani stepped into it in a major way, and her enemies have seized this opportunity to exile her once and for all.<\/p>\n
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