{"id":914159,"date":"2026-11-12T00:12:13","date_gmt":"2026-11-12T00:12:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/914159\/"},"modified":"2026-11-12T00:12:13","modified_gmt":"2026-11-12T00:12:13","slug":"my-dear-friends-asked-me-to-help-their-son-financially-i-dont-know-where-to-start","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/914159\/","title":{"rendered":"My Dear Friends Asked Me to Help Their Son Financially. I Don’t Know Where to Start."},"content":{"rendered":"

Pay Dirt is Slate\u2019s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here<\/a>. (It\u2019s anonymous!)<\/p>\n

Dear Pay Dirt,<\/p>\n

I have dear friends of more than 40 years who have three children. One is my godson, \u201cAlex.\u201d He has both medical and a mental illness that have interfered with his work history, making his income sporadic. He is intelligent and hard-working, has been well-liked by his employers but because he has intermittent hospitalizations he has been laid off multiple times. I am much better off financially than his parents, and they asked if I would be able to help him financially.<\/p>\n

I am very willing to do so. I would like to leave him some money after I die, but am concerned that if his mental illness gets worse, he may squander the money.\u00a0 (Alex has been very good with budgeting so far, but he is only in his mid-30s.)<\/p>\n

I know there are special trusts for disabled people, but don\u2019t know what they are or what would be needed to prove he is disabled.<\/p>\n

I also don\u2019t want his siblings to think that I care less for them, since I wouldn\u2019t be planning (or able) to leave them as much money.<\/p>\n

What can you suggest for me?<\/p>\n

\u2014Loving But Clueless Godmother<\/p>\n

Dear Loving But Clueless Godmother,\u00a0<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

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I Have a Big Choice to Make About Christmas. Both Options Will Leave Me Stressed and Guilty.
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What a generous thing to do! The usual disclaimer applies: You should consult an estate planning attorney who specializes in special needs planning. They\u2019ll probably point you to a specific vehicle built for this kind of situation, called a \u201cthird-party special needs needs trust<\/a>.\u201d With this kind of setup, you can designate money for Alex in an account, then assign a trustee responsible for managing and distributing the funds. Plus, because you\u2019d be funding it with your own money, there\u2019s no formal disability determination required.<\/p>\n

The trust holds the inheritance, and a trustee you name distributes the funds for his benefit. Of course, you want to choose this person carefully. It should be someone financially savvy, someone who is likely to outlive you, and most of all, someone you trust to use the money for Alex\u2019s benefit. Clearly, you trust the parents enough to take them up on their offer for financial help, but depending on the other factors, you might choose someone else, like a sibling. An attorney can help walk you through this.<\/p>\n

Speaking of siblings, I would talk with your friends about how to frame the conversation with their other kids. Get an idea of how to best handle it. Either way, you can communicate to them that this gift reflects Alex\u2019s needs\u2014not your love.<\/p>\n

\u2014Kristin<\/p>\n

\n Please keep questions short (<150 words), and don\u2019t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. Your submission may be used in other Slate advice columns and may be edited for publication.\n <\/p>\n

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My spouse is worried about money all the time, but objectively we\u2019re fine. I make low six figures and have mid six figures saved, plus a trust fund in the millions. They make low\/mid six figures annually and have high six-figures saved. Both our families are wealthy and willing to backstop us if necessary.<\/a><\/p>\n

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Only Slate Plus members can gift Slate stories. Become a member to share 10 free articles a month.Become a Plus Member<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Pay Dirt is Slate\u2019s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here. (It\u2019s…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":914160,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[39],"tags":[3005,28,147,530,1170,6843],"class_list":["post-914159","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-personal-finance","tag-advice","tag-business","tag-personal-finance","tag-personalfinance","tag-real-estate","tag-slate-plus"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/914159","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=914159"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/914159\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/914160"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=914159"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=914159"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=914159"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}