{"id":91892,"date":"2025-08-18T13:13:09","date_gmt":"2025-08-18T13:13:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/91892\/"},"modified":"2025-08-18T13:13:09","modified_gmt":"2025-08-18T13:13:09","slug":"my-daughter-moved-in-to-help-after-i-got-sick-well-im-better-now-and-shes-got-to-go","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/91892\/","title":{"rendered":"My daughter moved in to “help” after I got sick. Well, I’m better now and she’s got to go."},"content":{"rendered":"

Care and Feeding is Slate\u2019s parenting advice column.\u00a0Have a question for Care and Feeding?\u00a0Submit it here<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Dear Care and Feeding,<\/p>\n

My daughter, who is 44 years old, moved in with my husband and me after I was diagnosed with leukemia. This was four years ago; I am in remission now, but still struggling to recover from all the chemotherapy and the damage it\u2019s done. My daughter is making recovery so much worse.<\/p>\n

My problem is that my daughter never helps with anything around the house. She only makes more work for me. She leaves dirty dishes, laundry, and everything else strewn about for me to deal with. I have told my husband that it\u2019s time for her to move out, but he doesn\u2019t agree. So now I am stuck taking care of her and her dog, especially now that she has a full-time job. I need help encouraging my daughter to move along with her own life.<\/p>\n

\u2014Exhausted Cancer Survivor<\/p>\n

Dear Exhausted,<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

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Congratulations on being in remission! I would like to suggest that you don\u2019t need help with your daughter\u2014you need help with your husband! I\u2019m sure your husband is a lovely man, but you would have solved this problem already if he hadn\u2019t objected. So the key to your sanity will be getting on the same page as partners regarding what you want your home life to be like. After that, you can make a plan to confront your daughter.<\/p>\n

When you told your husband that your daughter needed to move out, what reason did he give for disagreeing with you? Maybe he thinks her presence is somehow good for your health or well-being. He might be under the impression that she provides a kind of companionship you benefit from. Or, perhaps his reasons have more to do with him; being the only caretaker in a home can be a lot of pressure and feel a bit lonely. He may feel relieved knowing that your daughter is there to share the burden, and thus be reticent to give that up. Whatever the case is, he needs to articulate why he wants your daughter to stay. And if she does stick around, he should be the one to either whip her behaviors into shape or make up for her oversights.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\n Jen\u00e9e Desmond-Harris
\n Help! I Did My In-Laws\u2019 Laundry During Their Visit. That\u2019s When I Learned Something Truly Disgusting About Them.
\n Read More\n <\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

A serious illness is a surefire way to put one\u2019s life into perspective\u2014for both the patient and their partner. It causes some folks to draw their loved ones closer, while others yell, \u201cYOLO\u201d and book a Tanzania safari. Still others work to cultivate a peaceful and tranquil home. There is no wrong response. But in this case, as with most relationship discord, communication is key. You and your husband might not be able to reach a full consensus just yet, but I bet you can get there after a few thoughtful, vulnerable conversations. At the very least, I hope he agrees that dirty dishes and laundry are not a gift you should be forced to \u201creceive\u201d at this stage in your life.<\/p>\n

\u2014Allison<\/p>\n

More Advice From Slate<\/p>\n

I\u2019m a new mom, and breastfeeding is not going well. I\u2019ve been putting the baby to the breast constantly, my IBCLC lactation consultant thinks my latch is good, we\u2019ve had him checked for lip and tongue ties \u2026 I can pump about a half-ounce a day and am having to heavily supplement with formula and it just has me so stressed trying to balance the two feeding methods. He\u2019s about 2 months old now. I just don\u2019t know what to do.<\/a><\/p>\n

The latest sex, parenting, and money advice from our columnists delivered to your inbox three times a week.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Care and Feeding is Slate\u2019s parenting advice column.\u00a0Have a question for Care and Feeding?\u00a0Submit it here. Dear Care…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":91893,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[34],"tags":[3005,3006,97,8284,148,37512,6843],"class_list":{"0":"post-91892","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-health","8":"tag-advice","9":"tag-family","10":"tag-health","11":"tag-kids","12":"tag-parenting","13":"tag-single-q","14":"tag-slate-plus"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/91892","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=91892"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/91892\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/91893"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=91892"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=91892"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=91892"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}