7 science-backed ways to maintain calm when everything is not calm
Page Leggett
Contributing Writer
We don’t agree on much these days, but can we all agree that 2025 hasn’t been the smoothest year for many Americans? There’s no mistaking that our civil discourse is no longer all that civil. The country feels more divided than it has at any other time in recent history.
With the (inherently stressful) holidays quickly approaching, you may be worried about what this national divide will look like on a micro level — at your own holiday dinner table.
1. Be grateful.
A research study of 300 adults explored how gratitude affects well-being. All participants received psychotherapy, but one group was assigned to write a weekly note of thanks to someone, while another group wrote about negative experiences. The “gratitude” group reported significantly better mental health at four- and 12-week check-ins. The takeaway: Practicing thankfulness can improve your outlook and positively impact mental health.
So, before gathering with people you disagree with politically with — or share some unpleasant history with — make a list of qualities you admire about them and reasons you’re grateful they’re in your life. It may be just the reminder you need.
2. Be mindful. Fisher thinks of mindfulness as “paying attention, on purpose, to the present moment without judging it.” Being on “autopilot” — the default state for many of us — keeps us from fully engaging with life and the people we love, which leads to a feeling of dissatisfaction.
You don’t need to go into a darkened room and light candles to practice mindfulness. You can do it anywhere. Even walking down a hallway.
Fisher does it when walking from one exam room to another. “I notice my body — am I upright, or am I slouching? I don’t look at my phone. I reset myself. It brings me a sense of calm and kindness,” he said.
Fisher, who lived with anxiety for much of his adult life, said, “The world became a less threatening place as I got more into mindfulness.”
3. Accept what is.
An ability to distinguish between what we can and can’t control is a key factor in our happiness.
You are unlikely to change your aunts’ and uncles’ minds on hot-button issues, other family members’ behavior or any other heavy topic. And a Christmas gathering isn’t the right time to attempt those conversions, anyway. Accepting your family members for who they are is the first step toward being at peace with them. And yourself. And if they try to tackle a subject you know won’t go well, find a way to change the topic with a bit of humor.
4. Practice loving kindness.
It increases our levels of serotonin (the happiness hormone) and decreases cortisol and adrenaline (the stress hormones). There’s an actual process you can do for as little as a minute and up to 5 minutes. Here’s how:
Sit comfortably, close your eyes and think of someone who loves and accepts you unconditionally.Imagine looking into that person’s eyes and feeling accepted and loved. You’ll probably notice your breathing start to slow.Now, silently offer that person a good wish. For example: “May you be safe. May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you live with peace and ease.”Repeat that mantra for other people you love. Then move on to groups of loved ones and then to people you don’t even know. Feel your connection to all humankind. Fisher sends good wishes to complete strangers across the hospital or on the highway. 5. Have a laugh.
It’s good medicine. “A few studies have shown that 30 minutes of laughing once a week for about a month can improve your overall well-being,” Fisher said. And that’s “even if you’re not experiencing regular joy and happiness.” Laughter releases serotonin and dopamine (the excitement hormone) into your bloodstream and activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which has a calming effect.
6. Engage.
Human connection is essential to happiness and well-being. “The least stressed people are those with loving, caring, lasting relationships,” Fisher said. “Social connection is one of the strongest predictors of cardiovascular resilience. People with supportive relationships have better recovery and lower risk after a heart attack than those who feel isolated.” His clinic team encourages social connection as a vital part of a comprehensive heart-health plan.
In stressful times, especially, don’t hibernate. Be around people.
7. Be kind to everyone, including yourself.
Fisher has said that when we’re gentle with ourselves, “there’s this amazing spillover effect that everyone else around you can feel.”