Take a mate and tell me if you come back as “changed men”, he proposed. Immerse yourself in the real world, away from the distractions and unhealthy habits of modern life and just relax.
The water taxi journey to Parohe from Sandspit takes about 30 minutes. Photo / Mitchell Hageman
The bulk of my yoga knowledge came from what I’d seen on TV, and relaxing and sitting still aren’t really words in my vocabulary.
But one thing I love about my job is that it’s taught me to have an open mind – to put myself out there and give things a go, no matter how awkward things might get.
The wind howled, and rain began to patter as we lugged our bags onto the jetty.
While chef and operations manager Omkar van Onna took our bags to our cabins, retreat manager Annabelle Koeleman took us on a tour around the grounds. The expansive 20 ha property featured multiple cabins and villas spread out over dense bushland – a secret paradise fit for a Bond villain, or an escape from your boss.
Parohe Retreat sits nestled into the bush on Auckland’s Kawau Island. Photo / supplied
I was itching to grab a kayak or head on a bush walk straight away, but I had to rein myself in. I was there to relax, not go full speed ahead.
We instead opted to chat with the on-site family of alpacas for a while. If farmers find it a relief, then perhaps we would? Hopefully, my new furry friends didn’t mind me droning on about the cost of living.
We were also joined on our weekend by four women in their 40s, hailing from my old hometown of Titirangi. We mainly kept to ourselves, but the group were always supportive during the yoga sessions, with a “we are in this together” vibe, and we had good conversations about football (we were staying the weekend of Auckland FC’s grand final) and what the weather held for us in the next few days.
Natural interiors in the Parohe cabins.
Our lodgings for the weekend were Scandi-style cabins with two single beds. The setup gave me school camp vibes, but upping the luxury with quality linens, lighting, soaps and a toilet and double vanity.
The shower was outside, around the corner of the cabin. I thought this would be a bit of a pain, but actually, standing under the starlight with hot water rushing down your face turned out to be one of the most serene and relaxing things I’ve ever done.
Meals were eaten together at the central hub, Enchantment. It was here, over Lowie Vernaillen’s superb plant-based cuisine, that Harry and I chatted until the cows, (or alpacas), came home.
From planning for our mate’s upcoming stag-do, to the banality of the office, to reliving old memories, quality conversation flowed as smoothly as the nearby creek.
As a notoriously picky eater, my meals were always going to be a challenge. While the Whittaker’s and jerky didn’t go uneaten, there was still plenty of sustenance in the delectable eggplant lasagne, Buddha bowls, and charred cauliflower we were served. I probably ate more vegetables than I have in my life, which in itself was a wake-up call.
Meals at Parohe Island Retreat on Kawau are plant-based, like this oat-crusted veggie tart with a bell pepper soup. Photo / Mitchell Hageman
Early in the morning, yoga mat in hand, we trudged up the hill to a candle-lit studio at the quarry. Harry had a smile on his face, but I did not – getting up at the crack of dawn is not my idea of a good time.
But he insisted that having a good stretch and meditation would make me feel better. Vinyasa Yoga teacher Emma Vandamme was super understanding of my novice nature and made me feel at ease despite my uncertainty.
From downward dogs and lion breathing, a lot of it was a bit of a blur, and quite taxing on the muscles, but in the strangest of circumstances, I actually felt rather refreshed and ready for the day afterwards. Am I a yoga convert? No, but if someone asked me to come along again, I might agree.
A newly converted yogi? Photo / Mitchell Hageman
If you were to ask me what my two favourite things about the weekend were, I’d say it would be the two B’s: bathing and books. Notice how beer isn’t one of them.
A little glade near Enchantment featured two tubs and a sauna, and I spent at least 3-4 hours over the weekend having a good soak and reading.
Sitting still was a struggle at first, but once I told my stress-merchant self to forget about the outside world, things took a much-needed relaxing turn, and I wrinkled up like a prune.
Harry enjoying the bath at Parohe. Photo / Mitchell Hageman
A massage costs an extra $175, and it was a wonderful parting present. Retreat manager Koeleman is also a masseuse, and for one hour, I was taken away into a blissful realm of relaxation.
After admiring the scenic views on the ferry on the way home, passing the historic Mansion House – once the “gentlemen’s retreat” of former New Zealand Governor Sir George Grey – and other small settlements, we were back in Sandspit and to normality.
“That was just what I needed,” Harry said on the car ride home, citing the chaos of work life and the desire to chill for a change.
There was no White Lotus-style disaster, and while a plant-based diet isn’t for me, and I won’t be becoming a yoga master anytime soon, I left the weekend with a feeling of optimism and clarity.
Sometimes, we need to slow down, reconnect with mates in ways not through a phone screen, and take the time to disconnect from the trappings of modern life.
I clearly have a few bad habits. I don’t eat healthily enough, and I’m probably burning the candle at both ends way more than I should.
Be it reading a book or just yarning with Harry about things we’d missed in each other’s lives, those moments were a great antidote to the chaos of normality.
It wasn’t the lads’ trip I envisioned, but it was the one I needed, and I encourage any fellow sceptics to give it a go.
A boys’ trip without booze and debauchery might just surprise you.
Parohe will be holding a special men’s retreat in November, focusing on strength, balance, mobility, recovery, and personal wellbeing, while exploring practical tools for building resilience, health, and a more balanced life.
Dates: November 6-8
Arrival: Friday from 3pm
Departure: Sunday at 1.30pm
Info: parohe.co.nz
Mitchell Hageman was a guest of Parohe.
Mitchell Hageman joined the Herald’s entertainment and lifestyle team in 2024. He previously worked as a multimedia journalist for Hawke’s Bay Today.