There/There brings new energy to former Friends and Family Space

When you first walk into There/There, Oakland’s newest queer cocktail bar, the ghost of its predecessor can be felt throughout: The long stretch of dimly lit hallway guiding patrons to the front of the bar is familiar, and the same ambient glow washes over the room. The gaping kitchen window still looks into the kitchen, and outside, the vast Jeffrey Cheung mural continues to stretch across the back patio. I almost expected a server to walk by with a set of crayons or a bowl of les eggs.

468 25th St., Oakland; therethere.bar

Hours: Tuesday to Thursday, 5 p.m. to 11 p.m.; Friday and Saturday, 5 p.m. to 1 a.m.

The reality of how There/There came to be isn’t lost on its chef-owner Alli Li.

On December 30, after the closure of Friends and Family, Li, and others in the Oakland community, were devastated by the news — including Nosh columnist Cecelia Seiter, a regular of the bar, who lamented at the closure in her obituary of the place, writing:

“This is a closure I hoped I’d never, ever have to write about..the impact this little queer bar bathed in soft magenta light had on us, the regulars, can not be overstated.”

At There/There, patrons can grab a caviar bump for $8. Credit: Richard H. Grant for East Bay Nosh

When it first opened in 2020, the queer cocktail bar took Oakland by storm, landing a spot as a James Beard semi-finalist for outstanding bar in 2022, and ranking in the inaugural North America’s 50 Best Bars list. After former State Bird Provisions chef Gaby Maeda joined its staff, armed with little more than induction burners, a rice cooker, and a panini press, the bar’s food gained national recognition through ambitious bar bites, including its iconic creamy, smoked roe-topped shoyu eggs.

After years of working in acclaimed Bay Area restaurants and bars like Standard Fare, Daytrip (now Daytrip Counter), Rintaro, Kebabery, and Friends and Family, where they served as chef from 2020-2023, Li dreamt of opening up a place of their own. That dream quickly came into focus In January 2026, when Li spoke with Friends and Family owner Blake Cole about taking over the space.

“When Blake sold Friends and Family it was devastating to everybody,” Li said. “But then we got to talking. It was always a pipe dream of mine, having my own place, but it became very real very quickly.”

There/There’s “Folded by Kehlani” cocktail comes with mezcal tequila, chaparral, fresh corn syrup, lime, coriander and a tortilla chip rim. Credit: Richard H. Grant for East Bay Nosh

On May 29, Li opened There/There. For Li, taking over the space wasn’t about recreating Friends and Family, but building on its legacy while carving out There/There’s own distinct personality.

The bar’s name is a play on Li’s pronouns (they/them), and an ode to queer icon and Oakland novelist Gertrude Stein’s famous quote “there is no there there.” While a majority of the bar space hasn’t changed, Li is excited about the bar’s newest addition of back patio bleachers, which they have affectionately dubbed the “cruising corner.”

“I had an idea to expand the backyard, and put some like bleachers in the corner, so that people could get really cozy and pile up with their friends or their lovers,” Li said.

For Li, crafting a delicious yet affordable menu was paramount. In the Bay Area, it’s not rare to find a cocktail menu with drinks ranging from $18 to $20. Li understands the rising cost of cocktails, noting the Bay Area is a pricey place for food entrepreneurs and small business owners.

Lil em salad, potato waffles with a bump of caviar and a “Folded by Kehlani” cocktail sit on the bar at There/There. Credit: Richard H. Grant for East Bay Nosh

“There’s a reason why cocktail bars cost what they do. It’s not by choice,” Li said. “We’re kind of forced into a corner with what things cost to make and [the cost of labor]. I want to make things fair, but I also want people to be able to afford to come out regularly and hang out.”

To save money, Li has taken to strategically prepping, structuring a menu with ingredients that can be used across multiple dishes and drinks, saving time and labor costs. The bar also keeps its shelves humble, avoiding stocking expensive back-bar spirits, and focusing on making tasty, everyday cocktails.

“People aren’t coming to us for rare, interesting spirits. They’re coming to us for your average weeknight cocktail,” Li said.

There/There’s drink menu, developed by bartender Leila Malikyar, features a list of classic cocktails with playful twists. “The Femme Top” ($14), a riff on a paper plane cocktail, comes with strawberry, Nonino, Aperol, bourbon and lemon. Li’s favorite, the T4T ($14), transforms a traditional gin martini by adding Campari, sweet vermouth and sundried tomato. Other savory additions, like the Folded by Kehlani ($15) features mezcal tequila, chaparral, corn syrup, lime, coriander, and a tortilla chip rim. The bar’s most popular drink, My Ex’s Ex ($16), is a take on a guava margarita, and features lime, guava, Cointreau, tequila and tajin, a tangy, mouth-puckering Mexican seasoning blend.

There/There’s drink menu features a list of classic cocktails with playful twists. Credit: Richard H. Grant for East Bay Nosh

“We wanted to take it to a playful place, but not a place where you can’t recognize what you’re drinking,” Li said. “I thought about how we need our system to feel clean, and we need our atmosphere to feel intentional and not accidental, so that when we show parts of ourselves that are kind of silly and playful, it’s with intention and not viewed as messy.”

There/There’s majority gluten-free and vegan menu also reflects Li’s cost-cutting mantra, offering a variety of approachable bites that are flavorful yet efficient to execute. Rather than focusing on labor-intensive dishes that require more prep-time, Li has opted for simple plates elevated through technique, like the nuggets ($7), offering patrons the choice between traditional chicken nuggets or meat-less “nahgets” (Impossible nuggets), served with black garlic ketchup and hot mustard as dipping sauces. The bar’s popular potato waffles ($7), with labneh, chili crisp, and palestinian za’atar, embody the same approach.

“I’m buying these potato waffles, but then I’m dressing them up real nice,” Li said. “I think it’s a good example of not spending too much money on the labor of it, but having this thing that tastes good and hits when you’re a little bit tipsy.”

Other menu highlights include japchae ($7), a Korean glass noodle stir-fry, duck buns ($12) with confit duck leg, hoisin, cucumber and scallions, and cheaper bites like the umami popcorn ($4), caviar bumps ($8) and desserts like sweet corn sago ($4) and pot de creme ($4).

Across the U.S queer spaces have been shuttering for one reason or another. Last year, 11 queer spaces across the country, including Friends and Family, closed due to rising costs, shifting nightlife trends and lower foot traffic. This is something that Berkeley resident Olivia Dentroi and her friends find frustrating. Dentroi enjoys going out to queer and gay bars but often finds herself traveling across the bridge to do so. To her, There/There opening is the kind of progress that the East Bay queer nightlife scene needs.

“I feel like there are queer spaces in SF, but I feel like they’re oversaturated with people who are not queer,” Dentroi said. “I think having spaces that are for queer people that are present and [open] is really important, especially in the East Bay. I don’t want to have to trek over to SF to shake ass.”

There/There bartender Jay Lim pours a “Femme Top” cocktail (There/There’s take on a paper plane) from behind the bar. Credit: Richard H. Grant for East Bay Nosh

Li hopes that There/There will signal a new chapter for Oakland’s queer community, and that the opening will lead to a resurgence of queer spaces where people of all backgrounds can come together and relax over a good cocktail (and maybe a caviar bump or two).

“I hope that whatever void was created by Friends and Family can be filled, but I also hope that [this] is just the beginning of a re-emergence of queer spaces. I don’t like to see queer spaces fail whatsoever, and I don’t think of [more] as competition. I think of it as our community, and I would love to see other queer spaces come up, show out and be there for our community.”

Tags: