Every October, Domestic Violence Awareness Month calls on us to confront an epidemic that continues to thrive in secrecy. As the Democratic nominee for the 34th Assembly District, I have spent years reviewing policy briefs and state budgets. But long before I ran for public office, I knew this reality viscerally, from the inside out.
From the age of 19 to 24, I was in an abusive relationship.
At the time, I didn’t even have the words for what I was experiencing. It wasn’t until years later, while sitting in a training session to become a hotline volunteer with the Anti-Violence Project, that the truth finally registered. As we reviewed the mechanics of coercive control, isolation, and intimate partner abuse, I recognized my own life in the curriculum. Hearing those dynamics named aloud gave me clarity: what I had survived was part of a broader cycle, not a personal failure.
That cycle is difficult to break. Control creeps in slowly, isolation is disguised as love, and fear gradually erodes self-worth. Leaving is never as simple as “just leave”. The emotional, logistical, and financial hurdles are often too overwhelming.
When the COVID-19 pandemic forced lockdown measures, home became the most dangerous place for hundreds of my neighbors. The 34th Assembly District in Queens was among the communities that experienced some of the highest spikes in domestic violence cases across the city (NYC ENDGBV, 2022). Deprived of normal lifelines like school, work, or family visits, victims were trapped in close quarters with abusers while local support systems faced historic surges in demand.
Brian Romero is a Queens native, social worker, and the Democratic nominee for New York’s 34th Assembly District. The son of Colombian immigrants who grew up in public housing, Brian has spent his career in public service, including serving as chief of staff in both the New York State Senate and Assembly.Provided
That crisis underscored a fundamental truth: truly accessible community resources save lives.
Domestic violence affects people across every neighborhood, demographic, and background. While data consistently shows that women and transgender individuals are disproportionately impacted by intimate partner abuse, violence in gay relationships and against men remains severely underreported due to pervasive stigma. National statistics reveal that nearly 26% of gay men and over 37% of bisexual men experience intimate partner violence, sexual assault, or stalking in their lifetimes (Anti-Violence Project, 2019). Yet societal stereotypes and fear of non-inclusive support systems often keep male and LGBTQ survivors suffering in complete isolation.
To break these cycles, our state must ensure that culturally competent, inclusive resources are readily available to anyone reaching out for help.
As we prepare for the upcoming state budget process, symbolic proclamations are not enough. We must deliver real investments that reflect the urgent needs of frontline DV advocates. That requires:
$25 million in additional annual funding for victim service providers to address federal VOCA shortfall: securing baseline state investments to bridge funding gaps so crisis shelters, hotlines, and legal aid clinics can keep their services accessible 24/7.
Flexible financial grants: providing direct assistance to survivors to cover immediate needs, such as emergency housing, lock changes, or transit, removing the financial barriers to escaping abuse.
Comprehensive sexuality education: investing in education that addresses healthy relationships across all identities, specifically tackling stigma in underserved and LGBTQ communities.
To anyone in our community who is currently living in fear or carrying the weight of abuse in silence: you are not alone, you are not to blame, and there is help available. Call 1-800-942-6906.
As state leaders, we owe it to every survivor to build a system that responds with compassionate, immediate, and fully funded resources. Let us make sure our next state budget backs up our commitment to survivors with action.
Brian Romero is a Queens native, social worker, and the Democratic nominee for New York’s 34th Assembly District. The son of Colombian immigrants who grew up in public housing, Brian has spent his career in public service, including serving as chief of staff in both the New York State Senate and Assembly.