We all know the absolute heartbreak of pouring your time, soul, and, ahem, pricey ingredients into a dish — only for it to be gobbled up by a roommate, family member, or significant other before you can enjoy the fruits of your labor (or take it to work for lunch).
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Whoever you’re picturing committing that offense, I’m going to guess it’s a man. A 38-year-old Atlanta-based educator, entrepreneur, and content creator who goes by The Professor Bae made a TikTok last month addressing that very thing.”I don’t want no man in my house eating up all the food, either. When I prepare food to last me a couple of days, I have peace knowing that when I go in my refrigerator, the food is in there because there is no man in my house eating up the food,” she says in the video, which is captioned “Men Weaponize Food.”
“And I’m talking about a grown, able-bodied man that’s able to buy groceries, prepare groceries, cook food, and feed himself. Men will weaponize food against women. They will purposely see you cooking and prepping meals and eat it all within a couple of hours just to see you have to go back to the store to get groceries and stand in the kitchen and cook.”
“A lot of these men don’t like for women to not be in the kitchen and have a couple of days off. A lot of men don’t like to see women resting. They like to see you performing labor. And they will weaponize food against you just to see you do that. Men know exactly what they’re doing when they do this. And that’s why I don’t want no man living in my house,” she says.
The Professor Bae told BuzzFeed that she was inspired to make the video based on “patterns I’ve seen in my own family and across TikTok,” she said. “I’ve watched countless women talk about asking their partner to save them food or not eat something they bought, and the men still do it anyway. A big part of this conversation is how a lot of us grew up with the idea that men get served first, men eat more, and men have full control over the food in the house, and everyone else gets what’s left. That dynamic teaches boys and men early that what they want automatically takes priority.”
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“That wasn’t how I was raised. I was taught: ‘If it’s not yours and you didn’t ask, don’t touch it.’ Period,” she said. “So watching this new wave of videos where women are begging their partners to not eat their food, or to save them a plate, and the men still disregard that, it reminded me of those old patterns around entitlement and control being passed down as ‘normal.’ Seeing it on TikTok made me want to name the behavior for what it really is.”
Based on the nearly 6,000 comments on her video, the message resonated widely. Here’s just a sample of how women responded:
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There are plenty more stories on X on TikTok, too. The Professor Bae told BuzzFeed that she’s been pleasantly surprised by the response. “I knew it was relatable, but I didn’t expect the volume of women saying, ‘This is my life,'” she said. “A lot of people didn’t have the language to describe this dynamic until they saw the video. That’s why it hit so widely, it validated something people have felt but didn’t know how to name.”
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“People try to make it seem like ‘it’s just food,’ but food is symbolic. It shows whose needs matter. Whose comfort gets prioritized. Who gets to have boundaries and who doesn’t. When you grow up seeing men get the biggest plate, the first plate, or all the leftovers, it conditions you to believe their hunger, their wants, and their comfort are more important. And that shows up later in relationships,” the Professor Bae told BuzzFeed.
“The video opened the door for people to talk honestly about that dynamic, not out of blame, but out of awareness. I hope it encourages more women to trust themselves, honor their boundaries, and not minimize the things that actually tell the truth about how someone values them.”
What do you think? Let me know in the comments.
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