I was broke, depressed and disillusioned – Here’s how I cycled my way back to health and happiness

Let me take you back to 2015: I’m sitting on a 1970s-style sofa in a once chic but now faded Alpine chalet, having quit the corporate world to make custom bicycles in the mountains. These humble digs are provided in exchange for driving a ski transfer bus.

In psychedelics, the death of ego is a phrase used to describe a permanent dissolution of the individual’s sense of self. Mine was still centred around the idea that I was still somehow a big deal on a bike, despite the overwhelming evidence that I was barely ticking the basic human, lover or friend boxes, let alone being a good cyclist. That was the last stubborn and outdated idea that needed to go if I was to make any meaningful progress in refinding form.

If you’re worried you might have a cycling ego that’s holding you back, there’s a few easy checks you can make. Have you, for example, ever skipped a ride because you didn’t think you’d be good enough? Or worse, because the ride wasn’t far enough for a serious rider like you? Or because your Garmin wasn’t charged? These were just some of the ways my cycling ego held me back. Over the last few months, I’ve had to unpick all that nonsense systematically, so I can go and ride my bike wherever and whenever I can.

(Image credit: Future)

Riddled with illogical doubts, like ‘is it worth riding if it’s less than three hours?’, I’d forgotten to just enjoy cycling. I’d had plenty of riding offers from customers over the preceding few months, but what if people realised I wasn’t super fit anymore?

The truth was, it was screamingly obvious I wasn’t fit. If your mates ask you to go out for a ride, I’d just advise you to go. They didn’t ask you because they care about your power output; they probably genuinely just want to hang out and know it will make you feel better. Riding is medicine, and time with friends is a tonic.

This advice ‘start small, build up’ might be obvious, but ignoring it is one of the most significant barriers to getting back to some form, bearing in mind middle-aged joints. I started riding in the mornings and found that the time limit inherent in the pre-work slot was a useful restriction.

This had a few benefits: I could ride out of my skin in a short while, but it meant I rarely rode to exhaustion, and I never had a mechanical problem that I couldn’t walk home from. It also meant I didn’t have to stress about the time I was spending on the bike, or the kit I was taking with me. I just needed to be up and out, and back in time for work.

This may sound limiting, on the face of it, but it gave me a guard rail that kept my ego protected, and gave me a sense of enormous satisfaction from a necessarily short ride. Over time, the morning rides helped build my confidence. Habits like this soon become disciplines, and help to build a sense of competence.

My first dozen rides were laughably brief. I told myself that the ride was the reward – all that mattered was getting out there. If I didn’t ‘feel it’ on any given day, I could return home. It wasn’t about distance, it was about building a habit. Soon I found myself riding harder or further than I’d planned, and this came with a sense of added achievement, which was motivating and – dare I say it – rewarding.

Fruit and veg, good protein, and good sleep cannot be overrated. I have a sleep monitor, which helps me identify late coffees, simple sugar hits, and screens that might be sabotaging my shut-eye. I now drink decaf coffee and am not missing the old stuff at all.

Alcohol messes with your sleep, too. Now that I’ve cut back on booze, I’m finding that even the odd glass upsets my sleep pattern. With empirical data on tap, it’s easier to justify skipping alcohol altogether.

I take a regular supplement stack – many related to absorption issues from celiac disease and IBS – but the chief and relatively new highlight is glucosamine sulphate. I find it helps significantly with recovery in my joints. Broadly speaking, Vitamin D and omega-3 are the only supplements with a very strong evidence base (as far as healthy people are concerned); just take care of the basics, get good sleep, veg, vitamins and plenty of water.

You don’t need to smash yourself on the bike to transform your attitude to yourself

(Image credit: Future)

Becoming an adult is about developing the discipline needed to get out of bed and go to work – but it doesn’t mean we dash to our jobs with a spring in our step. It’s the repetition and responsibility that gets us out of the door – if we relied solely on motivation, nothing would ever get done. Be similarly realistic about your exercise: make it a habit and just do it.

It’s helped me to share my training plans with friends. Even if it’s just, “I’m going cycling tomorrow”, the statement carries its own power – to say it is to believe it. Now that I work at Cycling Weekly, it’s acceptable to share weekly goals with my boss, the editor; Simon is a runner, so he understands if I tell him that this week I’m aiming to get my 5km to under 25 minutes, it makes me accountable. Try it.

The road back to full fitness is as much about the journey as the destination

(Image credit: Andy Carr)

When I moved to rural Norfolk at the start of this rebuilding process, I felt very alone – that deep sense of loneliness that creeps in when you feel low. A few months on, I can see now how many people have contributed to my progress; I feel supported and thankful. So if you’re starting from a lifetime low base as I was, trust that the connections you make will become more apparent and meaningful as the fitness builds back. I’m not qualified to comment on how to fix feelings of loneliness, but I found a different perspective after a few weeks of discipline with my training, and that is a welcome side effect.

As mentioned, colleagues have helped, as has an old schoolmate who lives nearby. There’s my new neighbour Su, and my parents – who probably wonder why I announce my weekly athletic achievements like a kid coming home from school from sports day. Hopefully they find it cute. The audience is less important than the sharing: let others into your project.

Nowadays I’m riding or running almost every day and taking good care of myself. As a result, I’m far happier and healthier. I’m nowhere near old form, but I don’t think that’s a reasonable expectation after nearly a decade of self-neglect. More than ever before, I am comfortable in the peace and quiet of Norfolk’s less-than-hilly lanes, with plenty of friendly or familiar stops along my regular routes.

If you’re struggling with any of the issues raised here, reach out to a professional and seek help today. Take some small steps towards building the life you deserve. The hardest bit is that first step. If you’re just struggling with getting back to training or finding previous form, start small, set achievable goals, and take the credit where it’s due. Small goals are easy to hit – let them grow naturally. It’s certainly worth the effort.

Using products that work well, look nice and feel good will help maintain your enthusiasm. These are the stand-out items that have become trusted training partners as I’ve rebuilt fitness.